[leavethdoorajar]

Okay, a few months ago I met this guy-a family friend of one of my best friends-and we hung out and talked and we really clicked. It wasn't meant to happen but it did. A few weeks after I met him he was leaving for Myrtle Beach for Fire academy, and now he's a fireman in Myrtle Beach. The only problem was that he told me he fell for me and he told me he loved me. I haven't seen him since February and he's not coming home for vacation until October.

We talked constantly. He would call me every morning when I woke up and every night before he went to bed. He always said the perfect things... the sweetest and most affectionate things any guy could say... and I told him I would never tell him I loved him until we actually had a chance to be together without the whole messy long-distance thing in the way. He said he was fine with that and it wouldn't stop him.

Now, something has happened. Something is different with him, and with our conversations. I don't like it at all. At first I thought he was just grumpy and depressed, because he gets like that sometimes because he's homesick, but I know he wouldn't be for that long. Half the time he won't answer any of my texts and when he actually does usually all he says is "yeah" or "okay" and I'm having a really tough time with this because I miss him so much. He doesn't call me cute names anymore, and he doesn't say any sweet things like he used to. He doesn't even text goodnight or good morning. It doesn't even seem like he wants to call, because I usually feel like I have to pressure him to do it and I don't want to do that. I don't want to lose him. And I hadn't realized it before, but I have really fallen for him.

I'm so mad at myself. I promised myself I wouldn't fall for him in case something happened between us because I didn't want to get hurt. And now my outlook is bleak and I think that is what's going to happen.

What do I do? I don't want to torture myself by being constantly ignored by someone who I am in love with. I can't handle that and I don't know what to do because I don't want to get hurt but I also don't want to give up. I have no idea how he feels because I'm too scared to ask in case the answer really will be bad. I'm always the one who has to text him and if I can't think of anything to say then our conversation just ends.

A few days ago I asked him if we were okay and he said yeah. And I asked him if he thought I was boring and he said no. I'm just confused. How long should I wait before bringing it up again? I don't want to chase him away if he thinks I'm always worried. It's a turn off. Someone help! Thanks

[I wish]

You knew long distance is going to be tough. Even if he comes back in October, how long is he going to stay? Is there any chance that the two of you will start living the same city soon?

Otherwise, I think it's best to move on and find someone living closer to you.

Maybe one day the two of you will find each other again, but there's no point tying each other down this way. There are too many question marks for you to be happy.

[JBeaucaire]

Don't overreact to this suggestion. Think about it. It has a real affect on you the way you allow yourself to think about things.

You need relearn what being "in love" means. Going strictly by your story above, there's no reason you should be entertaining "love" thoughts at all. You truly barely know this guy, and you should only let yourself entertain "love thoughts" about someone you are actively courting and dating.

This man is, at best, the equivalent of a modern pen pal.

Having said that, I know you have deep feelings, and I'm not talking about that at all. NOBODY spends time with people they don't like, on the internet or in real life, so that part's not at issue. I get it... you're deeply attracted to him.

The part I worry about for you is the questions you're asking. You're not asking yourself if you should be feeding these feelings about someone you can't really get to know. You're not asking yourself if you would put up with the treatment you're getting from a stranger.

Would you? If a barely-known person would never hear from you again if they treated you this way, why should this be any different?

The whole point of dating (which you aren't even doing yet)... the whole POINT is be around someone long enough for the fake "introductory behaviors" to stop and be replaced by the person's real behaviors.

You've pen-palled with this guy long enough that his true communication-style is starting to show, and it's not good.

So, when are you going to start dating a guy in the real world again? That's where real connections occur, that's where real growth occurs.