[kaetulle]

My husband and I have been common law husband and wife for 13 years. We now have four children ages 10, 8, 6, and 2. He migrated to the US in the hopes of giving us a good life. Two years later, he comes back home to keep his promise: he married me this May 2009 and now wants to petition us to the states. I was then, on seventh heaven.

ONLY A FEW DAYS after our wedding, he went back to the U.S. I thought I was happy at first. Then came right on my face, terrible secrets he kept. He did not know he left me clues... telephone numbers, friends... etc. so I started to suspect. And since he was in another country, it is difficult for me to investigate. I used the telephone to investigate abroad, called numbers and pretended to be someone else looking for a person or something. Anyway, I got the results and it was bad!

He has a second-fultime job that until now he does not admit to me. His support for us is dwindling. His finances, thinning. My in-laws had a sudden change of how they treat me. Why have they suddenly become so cold after the wedding? And worse, my husband is now supporting another woman who bore their child in 2008. The child is now more than one year old. What makes it worse is that he visits her often at her place and sometimes sleeps-over.

How could he do this to me! Why did he marry me in the first place know that on the opposite part of the world, he was with someone else? There is no divorce in the Philippines! I'm tied down. But why does he show that he loves me? We are great in bed! Why would he risk coming home to the Philippines to marry me while he is "maintaining" another woman? But if he loves me, why would he visit the other woman continuously?

Help? I love him, but I can't live knowing that he is with another woman. Them happy there and I am miles away--helpless. The bad part is that, we just got married a few weeks ago! If I have learned about this earlier, no wedding should have taken place.

If I decide to keep him, how can I keep him despite the fact that he is close to the woman, and I am living far away from him. She can serve him, give him love, friendship and the company he needs. Sooner or later, he will decide, and I am afraid that he might choose the woman instead of me because he can spend his time with her more than we could with him. While I die of pain on the other side of the planet.

He does not know that I know. Please help me decide and weigh options. And please help me find answers to why he married me! But, stupid you might think, I want him to choose me over her and leave her. What should I do? And--to prepare for the worst case scenario, how can I secure my children's future?

[I wish]

It's going to be difficult for anyone to give you advice if you cannot divorce him.

Can you annul the marriage based on fraud?

You need to hire a legal counsel to help you figure out your rights in Philippines.

[Gemini54]

Firstly, I agee with I Wish - you need to get good legal advice as soon as possible. Find someone that deals with difficult situations and that is sympathetic to women's issues.

Secondly, you have every right to be incredibly distressed. Long distance relationships are always difficult and with your husband in the US for 2 years, you have obviously been in the dark about his second life.

It is inevitable, but you will need to speak with him once you have legal advice, and have had time to decide what you want to do.

Unfortunately, no one can tell you why he married you after all this time (only he can tell you this) or, how to keep him - you alone can decide if you want him after this betrayal.

Since you are now married, if you decide to separate, your husband will have to assume some financial responsibility for the children, but your legal advisor will be able to talk to you about his.

As to whether he will chose you or her - I would suggest that YOU need to choose, so that you can at least be in a position to negotiate - not just accept his decision.

[superk]

Lets say he got a child with that woman by "accident", still he has an obligation to the kid. Visit the child while growing (which is a must) and pay child support.

If you want to raise your kids with you, you can hire a lawyer on his county of residence, fly there for court proceedings if necessary and secure child support.

I can't speak for your husband but you know that if he will not marry you, you can't come in the US with your kids. He can take the kids but not you so I'm sure you don't want that. Think about this, his child there was born in 2008, married you in 2009 and say can finish the petition say in couple of years?

Just for my opinion, he made some mistake but still he chose you. The question is, can you forgive the betrayal.

You must confront your husband.

Whatever we say here won't matter much unless you're not talking to your husband about this.