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    zippit's Avatar
    zippit Posts: 693, Reputation: 117
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    #1

    Jun 2, 2009, 03:52 AM
    Marriage/bereavment mental health
    Any Help Greatly Appreciated.On Jan.16th my mother-in-law passed away,she was sick for sometime and it was very hard on my wife,and the family.She left a very extensive list <will if you would>of what items will go where,my wife is the executor.let me just say were not talking huge estate a middle class,and her and I live upside lower class getting by.Well we needed everything we haven't bought furniture in years,our bed was broke down etc. etc. Here's the delima since her mothers passing my wife has not let herself enjoy anything,I felt at first that time needed to pass and she was showing normal sign's of bereavment but I don't feel that's the case anymore.We went from two broken down lazy-boys and a love seat we called the doggie couch<not pretty>to a very nice living room,we picked out a sectional,from the house brought a nice t.v. amoire thing with the doors on it,flat screen etc. and all she does is grip "I dont like that T.V.,I dont like this couch" she just won't let herself enjoy anything.We bought a small camper and have taken a couple trips which she pretty much ruined by being humdrum,and complaining.I don't think she realizes how much this hurts me,I'm the type of guy that reaserches the best deals and I have found great deals I'm very frugal,and I keep her involved in all decisions I'm not ramrodding things,she just finds stuff wrong.Shes also gotten into griping about personal stuff i.e. "my ankle hurts ,hand hurts ,back hurts.every morning she gives me this run down of complaints.And I have to admit its gotten so I just ask her not to sometimes then she gets her feelings hurt and I get the silent treatment.
    Any advice would be appreciated.<if I don't answer back immediately I would like to get several responses first I log in pretty reg.>:rolleyes:
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,796, Reputation: 2674
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    #2

    Jun 2, 2009, 04:01 AM

    Gee, zippit, yes I agree, probably goes beyond normal bereavement. HOw old is your wife by the way? This certainly doesn't sound like pleasantville for you.

    Have you considered trying to get her to a doctor and does she have existing medical problems ?

    Yes lots of questions, but I think imperative to know since you asked for advice.

    Regards

    Tick
    zippit's Avatar
    zippit Posts: 693, Reputation: 117
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    #3

    Jun 2, 2009, 04:30 AM

    She's 46,we've been married 11 yrs.
    zippit's Avatar
    zippit Posts: 693, Reputation: 117
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    #4

    Jun 2, 2009, 04:32 AM
    No existing medical proublems and were not the types to run to doc,s no health coverage etc. I mean if it has to be done,I don't think its at that level.might be wrong
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #5

    Jun 2, 2009, 04:39 AM
    Everyone experiences grieving differently, and for different lengths of time. 6 months is the usual amount of time before counseling is recommended.

    Were her and her mother close? Is she having a hard time separating the items with her siblings that her mother left?
    zippit's Avatar
    zippit Posts: 693, Reputation: 117
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    #6

    Jun 2, 2009, 05:11 PM

    Close yes but not see each other everyday close they talked very often,as far as separating things out her mom left well wrote out lists knowing that the sister <only one>is bi-polar and she wanted it to be as smooth for my wife as possible there's still loose ends and snags,and I didn't mean for it to sound like she's like this 24-7 I really would like advice as to how I can help her,what can I do?

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