[L85]

Hi, Ive been reading a few posts on here over the last few weekes and have found it somewhat helpful, but nothiing is exacly the same as what I'm goind though so I was just after a little help...

Right here goes, I'm 23 and up until the christmas just gone I was living quite happy with my girlfriend in my own place (shes 21) we had been together for about 3 1/2 years, then one day she said she wasn't very happy and moved in with here mum and dad for abit, we didn't split up and still stayed together and she stayed over sometimes then after about a month I thought we where getting on well she rang me and said that she wanted to end it which completley destroyed me and to this day I still don't know the reason that she left me.

Ever since I have bin in pieces about it I just can't seem to get my head around it, after a few months I slowly started to get my head around it then a couple of months ago out the blue she rang me on a night out asking if she could stay so of course I wanted this more than anything, so that night she came round and stayed the night, nothing happened we just slept in the same bed, then the following week I sent her some flowers thinking that there might be some hope, this didn't go down well and she said she wasn't intrested and basically stopped talking to me again. So once again I tried so start getting over her.

Then the weekend just gone I had to go to a birthday party that she was going to be at, (we both have the same friends which doesn't not help me one bit) we both had quite a lot to drink and ended up chatting for a while which was nice. But the thing that confuses me the most is that she said to one of my friends that she still loves me and wanted to cry when she saw me.

I just don't know what to think, I don't think she's seeing anyone else, I would love to get back with her more than anything I just don't know what to do now do I try and talk to her abit more or just try and forget about her which hurts so much, I mean its bin 6 months now and I just can't seem to get over her at all.

Thanks for reading any help would be great

Thank you

[ayejay0601]

Tough one. Somebody else pointed out to me that just because she is crying does not mean anything. Girls hate hurting guys. Especially nice guys who have treated them well. It makes them cry. They also hate the change. They miss certain aspects of their old lives. Who wouldn't? Change is tough. People get lonely. I think you have to give her a lot of space and do your best to move on. If she wants to continue to come over and talk, etc. fine but never force it. And don't look eager to have it. If she calls you in the middle of the night and wants to come over, maybe tell her that you can't and hint that there is another girl over. Nothing gets a girl interested like Jealousy.

[talaniman]

Tough one. Somebody else pointed out to me that just because she is crying does not mean anything. Girls hate hurting guys. Especially nice guys who have treated them well. It makes them cry. They also hate the change. They miss certain aspects of their old lives. Who wouldn't? Change is tough. People get lonely. I think you have to give her a lot of space and do your best to move on. If she wants to continue to come over and talk, etc., fine but never force it. And dont look eager to have it. If she calls you in the middle of the night and wants to come over, maybe tell her that you can't and hint that there is another girl over. Nothing gets a girl interested like Jealousy.

I was agreeing with you until you started talking about the game playing jealousy crap.

[talaniman]

She has caught you with your guard down, and that has given you false hope, and kept those old feelings stirred up.

Read the stickies, at the beginning of this forum, and stop the contact with her altogether for any reason, as you need to let the emotional dust settle and not be used or confused by her actions.

She does it because you allow it. You will get through this if you stop allowing her back in your life. It sets back your own healing, which she doesn't care about.

[L85]

I know what you mean its just so hard I seem to be thinking about her all the time, seeing her on the stupid Facebook website which I can't stop myself going on just to see what she's doing. All I seem to be able to think about is the good times. And when I saw her the other day I'm sure I can still see something in her eyes its driving me mad, I'm 23 got my own house, nice cars enoght money to live off yet thes makes me depressed every day, I know I have to let it go its just so hard

[talaniman]

LOL, stay off her frigging' Facebook!!

[coyne740]

Go NC... it's the only thing that will help you get over this girl. Don't answer, don't call, don't look, don't ask. As far as she is concerned, for at least the next year, she has moved to Antarctica and has no telephone. Seriously dude, it will HEAL YOU, which is what you need right now to get yourself back on track. Don't worry about what she is thinking, she is the one who left you, correct? So she obviously was not taking your feelings into consideration when she did that. Let her live her life, you live yours and MAYBE someday, you can be friends... but that is not going to be for a long time.

[Lonelyandbroken]

LOL, stay off her frigging' facebook!!!

Yes Facebook and myspace are the devil when it comes to breakups.

[L85]

Im really not sure if this no contavt thing is even possible, most of my best friends, girlfriends anre best friends with my ex and even some of my friends are friendss with her. It so hard not to hear about her and stuff, I can't just get rid of all my friends and sit at home on my own every night, this is such a disaster :(

[talaniman]

You need your own life, go get one. NC is simple, you are polite, but brief, and do not engage in personal conversations about the relationship with her, or any mutual friends, and be firm, and quick, to remind them you don't want to hear about the ex, or what she does. Your fixing to find out how your friends feel about you, and her, and who's a friend, and who's NOT!

[L85]

Threads merged

Hi all, not been on for a while and I thought id share my latest problem as its driving me insane!

Found out last night that my ex girlfriend is with someone new, don't know how serious but it really hurts as I still have a lot of feelings for her we had kept in reasonable contact through the last 8 months since we split up (she left me). I coulnt sleep at all last night and the thought of her with someone else makes me feel so sick I just don't no what I'm going to do. I'm really good friends with her parents still, I go round her sister and boyfriends all the time and go out with them a lot. Am I going to loose all this now?

Any advice would be much appriciated thank you

[britEl]

Im sorry to say this but it seems like she is over you.
How long was it that you had been with her exactly?
8 months is a long time to get over someone and I understand that its hard getting over someone you once loved/had feeling for but if she doesn't feel the same way for you as you do for her you are just wasting your time. I think that you should just try your best to get over her as she has gotten over you.
Maybe start hanging out with other friends other then her sister and boyfriends as it might cause conflict, but still keep in touch?

[L85]

Im sorry to say this but it seems like she is over you.
How long was it that you had been with her exactly?
8 months is a long time to get over someone and i understand that its hard getting over someone you once loved/had feeling for but if she doesn't feel the same way for you as you do for her you are just wasting your time. I think that you should just try your best to get over her as she has gotten over you.
Maybe start hanging out with other friends other then her sister and boyfriends as it might cause conflict, but still keep in touch?

We were together for 3 1/2 years and lived together for 3 of them, it was messy when we broke up because she didn't give me a reason and just left, but through the whole break up a lot of people told me that she had said whe still loved me, she still rings me when she has problems and needs someone to talk to from time to time. I'm just so angry inside I feel just like I'm nothing and nobody cares

[britEl]

I think if she still loved you she wouldn't be with someone else she would be with you, or she would try and work things out so that you two could be together again. 3 1/2 years is a longgg time and you do deserve some explanation if you haven't already gotten one.
Keep in mind she could be just keeping you off to the side just in case this relationship doesn't work out, she knows that you still love her and if it doesn't work out with her and her new boyfriend she knows you would be there to swoop her off her feet, then when she gets bored of you she might just do the same thing. Like a rebound boy or something.
I understand how you feel and that you are very angry and frustrated but believe me things get better in the long run.
I would suggest stopping contact with her, constantly talking to her isn't helping your situation, and start hanging out with other friends who aren't linked to her or won't speak about her! Good Luck :)

[L85]

Yeah I suppose, its so much easier said than done though, believe me I don't want it to be like this I want to get over her, I mean she's ruined my head for the last 8 months I should hate her for what she has done to me I just can't seem to get my head to think that way :(

[britEl]

Believe me I understand how you feel. I once dated this guy for a year (its nothing close to 31/2 years but its all I got) and he broke my heart, (I cried for weeks.. :eek:) and decided to string me along like a puppet for a full year having random hook ups then telling me he doesn't want me, but I would always let him come back to me, he would date new girls and once they broke up he would come back to me and I would let him. Finally I decided to end it and stopped contacting him all together, my friends were sick of listening to it, my parents were sick of me doing it, and everyone thought of me like I was the rebound girl. Finally I started dating a bit, it took me awhile to trust guys again but eventually I came to realize that I truly didn't need my ex, I realized that if I kept going on like that I would soon go crazy or have some sort of a breakdown. Once I found that there were more fish in the sea, I found that it was easier and easier getting over him!

[L85]

Thanks for that it is very helpful, I know what I need to do I'm just not quite sure how long I need to get over this, I know this sounds crazy but I can't even think of being with/looking at other girls because I don't think I can't ever take the pain of what I have been through over the last year ever again and I'm only 24. Trust is such a big issue with me one moment you mean everything to someone then the next they don't care at all, I could never do that to anyone yet it seems to happen to me an awful lot

[britEl]

I understand
You just have to take it day by day, step by step, eventually you will get to where you want to be!
Trusting someone is very hard to do after going through such difficult times (usually takes me monthss to be able to trust someone) and maybe don't just jump into a new relationship but start slowly, just meet new girls, talk to them get to know them, branch out a bit. You will get to where you want to be it just takes time :)

[L85]

Well time is something I seem to have plenty of now, luckily I have a good job so that keeps busy in the day. My main issue I purely my mind I can sit here thinking about how to make things better but when my mind starts wandering back to her again I start to feel crap again its like one massive circle that I keep going round and round in, I'm abit concerned how its been 8 months and I'm still not over her I have actually convinced myself that I'm going to be in this much pain and upset for a very long long time

[britEl]

Make sure you keep yourself busy, surround yourself with friends and family. Keep telling yourself things will get better. We all react differently to breakups some times it takes longer for others, and other times its really quick and easy. One day you will forget why you went through being so upset over her and realize that life goes on, you will eventually move on but you are still in the process of healing so keep it slow and steady and don't let your mind stray off course!