Is he a gay?

wisher · May 17, 2009, 06:41 PM

I have been wondering this question recently. We have dated for six months. He never wanted to have real sex with me. I am hurt.
If he is a gay, why didn't he just tell me? And do gays have girlfriends? Should I ask him whether he is a gay straighforward? But will it hurt his dignity if he is not?
I want to break up with him, if he is a gay.

Fr_Chuck · May 17, 2009, 06:52 PM

my god, he respected you and perhaps had moral values of no premarried sex and he has to be gay.

What did you want a guy who wanted it on first date and by 10th date did not call.

1. how old are you for one
2. have you asked him and talked about sexual relationship
3, if yes what did he say, if no why did you not just ask him

JoeCanada76 · May 17, 2009, 06:57 PM

Just because he has not been aggressive in getting you to sleep with him does not make him gay.

Could just be as fr.chuck has stated, that this person has had a great deal of respect for you. Getting to know you in many ways and growing in a relationship before having sex.

JoeCanada76 · May 17, 2009, 06:59 PM

Maybe you should break up with him anyway, if you can not communicate with him your feelings. If you feel that sex is the most important part in your relationship.

Your already talking about calling it quits. Up to you.

pathisfer · May 17, 2009, 07:06 PM

Assuming you both are adults and have been dating for many months, if he's not responding to you like a "normal" male would (I don't want to be too explicit here!) then yes, something is probably up with him. If there's been no attempt at intimacy like kissing or any progression, you may want to ask him if he has certain religious beliefs or his view of the dating 'process'. If he's evasive on this, I say he either has some sexual hang-ups or he's gay or whatever- not intimacy material.

wisher · May 17, 2009, 07:59 PM

[QUOTE=pathisfer;1741369]Assuming you both are adults and have been dating for many months, if he's not responding to you like a "normal" male would (I don't want to be too explicit here!) then yes, something is probably up with him. If there's been no attempt at intimacy like kissing or any progression, you may want to ask him if he has certain religious beliefs or his view of the dating 'process'. If he's evasive on this, I say he either has some sexual hang-ups or he's gay or whatever- not intimacy material.[/QUOT

Yes, we are both adults aged 23. And we have dated for 6 months. We kissed and had oral sex. But he didn't have real sex with me even if we were alone at the hotel room for three times. That is why I suspect he is a gay. I talked about it to him, but he just said he was not ready, or he was nervous.
For me and many normal adults, love is not love without physical intimacy. I think those who say something like "respect" are so fake. I actually felt disrespected and extremely sad for not being treated as a young woman.

pathisfer · May 17, 2009, 08:06 PM

I completely agree with your reasoning on this and I would feel the same way in your position. I think it's a lame excuse that he can have oral but withholds sex. He could be gay or have some intimacy issues. I have a friend that's been in a relationship like this for 5 yrs (yes, 5 yrs) and he won't have sex with her and for 5 yrs she's wondered if he's gay. I think the fact that he is unwilling to communicate with you on such an important issue is very telling and I wouldn't wait around for any 'real' answers, I don't think you'll get one.

JoeCanada76 · May 17, 2009, 08:16 PM

Fake, No. I disagree. You have it all wrong. If he is not ready, he is not ready. Does not make him gay.

Well if this is such an issue, break up with him now.
Obviously you have been intimate. You guys are not at the same place, and since your in such a hurry. Maybe you should leave.

Fake no, real yes.

pathisfer · May 17, 2009, 09:04 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Fake, No. I disagree. You have it all wrong. If he is not ready, he is not ready. Does not make him gay.

Well if this is such an issue, break up with him now.
Obviously you have been intimate. You guys are not at the same place, and since your in such a hurry. Maybe you should leave.

Fake no, real yes.

I completely agree that it's not fake but I do feel he's not being completely forthright. My last boyfriend let me know upfront that he likes to take things slow and we built up to the physical over a few months- he didn't do oral and then act like he wasn't "ready" for sex. That's manipulative and avoidant behavior.

Synnen · May 18, 2009, 04:51 AM

/sigh

Here's my standard response to silly people:

If you cannot TALK about sex with your partner, then you shouldn't be HAVING sex with that person anyway.

If you're not happy, TALK to him about it. If you don't like his answers, your choices are to stay and shut up about it, or leave and move on.

starwars86587 · May 26, 2009, 07:30 PM

Well he obviously likes you and doesn't want to mess anything up. YOu would be surprised to find out how many people wait until the relationship is SERIOUS before having sex, like a yeaer or two.

Meow420 · May 26, 2009, 11:12 PM

Hi, I just had a quick question, is there anything else about him that makes you think he is gay?

Just because he hasn't tried to sleep with you does not mean he is gay. It could be many things. He could be nervous, he might be waiting for the right time for example.

Definatley sit down and talk with him about your concerns. If you want to stay with him, find out where his head is at.

shazamataz · May 27, 2009, 03:17 AM

There have been a lot of these "is my boyfriend gay" questions lately.

Not having sex with you in the start of a relationship is called respect, not being gay.

help888 · May 27, 2009, 09:30 PM

Maybe he never got real sex you know like intercourse

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