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Not from Texas · May 27, 2009, 10:59 AM

My son will be 13 at the end of July. We have been going through counseling in the last 4 yrs or so, (on and off) due to the dislike and frustration my son has for his father. My son no longer wants to go to counseling as he does not feel it is helping any. His father is at all his activities, even though my son does not want to invite him. I try to be supportive, and I have never said anything negative or bad about his father. But now he has made it clear he does not want to have anymore visitations with his father. Of course, when he tells his father, his father said that I am filling his head full of negative stuff. When my son said no, it is his feelings, he gets spanked for back talking. His dad makes it clear that he has sole control of the visitations and my son will have to deal with it. I do not have the money to take him back to court. There are many issues that he has gone against the divorce/child support decree, but the lawyers want at leat $ 3000 to be reattained. They all agree that with all that he had defied in the decree, the judge should order re-embursment of the lawyer and court costs. Right now, all I care about is my son's feelings. He is to spend the month of July with his father, plus 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends. He is very depressed and moody. I live in Texas, Montgomery County. My male friend said that I can call the Sheriff out and have them talk to my son, and when his father gets there, the Sheriff will step in and make the call. Is this true, or what choices do I have. He is to pick him up from school this Friday for the weekend, and my son said he does not want to go. Please advise me on my legal rights.

cdad · May 27, 2009, 04:35 PM

What's the real problem ? Why doesn't he want to go ? Why has he been in therapy ?

justcurious55 · May 27, 2009, 05:13 PM

Does your son have specific reasons for not wanting to be with his father? When I was about his age I decided I didn't care what the court said, I wasn't going to visitation. And I didn't.
You mentioned your son still gets spanked. That just seems crazy since he's 13. That seems too old to be spanked. Maybe that's jut me though. But if I were your son, that would be reason enough for me to not want to be around someone. Spanking can mean a lot of different things to different people. Usually it means a little smack on the behind but if its more than that it can be considered corporal punishment which could be considered child abuse. If the sheriff is there when your husband picks up your son and your son tells him his father hits him, well, I'd be shocked if the sheriff forced the court ordered visitation.

Fr_Chuck · May 27, 2009, 05:27 PM

No the sheriff will tell you that it is a civil matter and they will not even send a officer out.

Now if he "spanks" the boy ( spanking a 13 year old, in heavens name) have him call CPS for abuse.

justcurious55 · May 27, 2009, 05:40 PM

Fr-chuck is right. I'd forgotten that. Even though that's how I got away with defying the court order... haha. There's really nothing your husband can do except take you back to court if your son refuses visitation. In which case you have your son talk to his therapist and ask for a letter recommending he not be forced to visit with his father for the time being. You can't really do anything yourself to prevent your son from seeing his father but you don't have to try forcing him either. (like say he came to the house. It would look bad if you said "you can't see him." but if he comes and you shout to your son "your dad is here to see you." and he shouts back "i don't want to see him." you've done your duty.)

Not from Texas · May 27, 2009, 07:44 PM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Whats the real problem ? Why doesnt he want to go ? Why has he been in therapy ?

He does not like him hitting/spanking him. He would make comments about hating his father and having problems in school, so we went to therapy.

Not from Texas · May 27, 2009, 07:48 PM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

does your son have specific reasons for not wanting to be with his father? when i was about his age i decided i didn't care what the court said, i wasn't going to visitation. and i didn't.
you mentioned your son still gets spanked. that just seems crazy since he's 13. that seems too old to be spanked. maybe thats jut me though. but if i were your son, that would be reason enough for me to not want to be around someone. spanking can mean a lot of different things to different people. usually it means a little smack on the behind but if its more than that it can be considered corporal punishment which could be considered child abuse. if the sheriff is there when your husband picks up your son and your son tells him his father hits him, well, i'd be shocked if the sheriff forced the court ordered visitation.

My son describes the "spankings" as: "Continually hits on the butt and sometimes with the belt"
Punishment for back talking, not cleaning the rooms, and complaining of favoritism of the step sister.

Fr_Chuck · May 27, 2009, 07:54 PM

The spankings, esp with a belt is abuse and needs to be reported

Not from Texas · May 27, 2009, 08:14 PM

[QUOTE=Fr_Chuck;1761912]the spankings, esp with a belt is abuse and needs to be reported[/QUOTE

My son has seen my question and all of your answers. I really appreciate this opportunity to take this situation by the "horns" sort of speak. The counselor discontinued the therapy because, as much as a case we had, she felt that my son would back down and he admitted that he would not tell CPS workers or a judge. Now, a year later, my son sees in "black and white" that he can do something about his situation. I suggested to talk to the counselor at school, so she can contact CPS. This is something that has to come from him, and only him. I believe what my son says, but I also have to understand that kids are kids and sometimes stretched the truth a little.

justcurious55 · May 27, 2009, 08:55 PM

It has to come from him because you can't have his father saying later that you made it up for him. If this is something important to your son he has to speak up. You can only support him, you can't do it for him (which is what it sounds like you've been doing, supporting him).

Not from Texas · May 28, 2009, 07:18 PM

Yes, I think he is finally realizing that there is something he can do, he does have a voice or choices. For years he has been listening to all the intimating things his father has been telling him.
You are right, if it is important enough to him, he will speak out. I think he always felt trapped, now he knows he has choices. He is a smart kid.

justcurious55 · May 28, 2009, 07:29 PM

I hope things work out for him :)

akshoen · May 28, 2009, 07:45 PM

In TX the only legal way to spank your child is open hand on the butt. You can get cps involved. Or just let your son refuse. Make your x take you back to court and tell the judge how your son feels. Usually the judges let 13yr olds decide what they want to do...

jess71tx · Jun 1, 2009, 05:45 PM

I'm not sure where the response that you are not allowed to spank your children at 13 came from but I was at an alternative school listening to a lecture for troubled children and the director at that school had a stature copying (State of Texas) that if your child states they are calling CPS if you are spanking them or repremanding them it is LEGAL and you as a parent can call the police department and tell them you are spanking your child for whatever reason and the child is tellign you, you are in the wrong for doing so and you would like them to come out if need be to watch you spank them and it is your right to do so until that child is an adult and out of your home.