[none12345]

Hey guys, I'm not sure if this is this goes under the relationship forum. Feel free to move this if its not where it belongs. But it has to do with my relationship with dad.

Every time I'm around him, I get really pissed of his annoying habits. He always eat the food I buy, I don't eat at the table with the family because I find his table manners really bad. He chews with his mouth open, its so loud and you see the food being chewed. Is it just me but does anyone get pissed at people who do these stuff too. I know its not as big of a deal I make it but its just me, I get really pissed about it.

I talked to him about it but he doesn't change so that's why I don't eat with the family anymore and whenever he joins me in the living room to watch TV and he eats, I can't stand it and I go somewhere else... ugh...

I also don't like going out with him, because whenever we go buy things he always ask the people who work there questions he already knows about but just to make sure, he doesn't go out often, never did anything with me as a dad like play baseball or hockey, he always stays at home and he's scared of other people.

I can't wait till I move out, it is really getting on my nerves... I know he's my dad, I got to respect him but its hard to. Haven't been much of a dad to me, never took me anywhere or did anything.

Anyway sorry for the rant. What do you guys think?

[chuff]

My take on this is your dad sounds like he's intimidated by others and maybe that's why he was afraid to take you anywhere. Having said that, your dad stuck in your life when many leave, he gave you a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear. He's probably not perfect, but we all have to come to the realization at some point that our parents are not just parents there human. As kids we look at them and think there perfect because that's all we know, as we get older we start to see there are cracks in your own theories about them and they are indeed not perfect creatures.

To be perfectly blunt with you, my take is if your dad didn't physically, mentally, emotionally, or sexually abuse you and your biggest problem with him is he didn't take you out or he eats loud... while you've got a pretty damn great father. Millions of kids don't get that, your one of the lucky ones.

[none12345]

My take on this is your dad sounds like he's intimidated by others and maybe that's why he was afraid to take you anywhere. Having said that, your dad stuck in your life when many leave, he gave you a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear. He's probably not perfect, but we all have to come to the realization at some point that our parents are not just parents there human. As kids we look at them and think there perfect because that's all we know, as we get older we start to see there are cracks in your own theories about them and they are indeed not perfect creatures.

To be perfectly blunt with you, my take is if your dad didn't physically, mentally, emotionally, or sexually abuse you and your biggest problem with him is he didn't take you out or he eats loud.....while you've got a pretty damn great father. Millions of kids don't get that, your one of the lucky ones.

Yup, don't get me all wrong I appreciate what he's done for us. He goes to work, provide us with a house to live. Nope he's never abused any one but he's not always mentally in the right place. He used to be very abusive to our material things but he wasn't to us, used to smoke but quit for us, used to drink a lot but he doesn't drink anymore. I guess he's not all that bad.

[roxypox]

I think you might get a better relationship with him when you move out and get some space from the habits he has.

As for the problems you have with him... I think that everyone has had some problem with their parents at some point when it comes to annoying things. And sometimes the things they do lies in the smaller, less visible things they do. E.g. put clothes on your back, make sure you brush your teeth (mostly when you're a kid, but still), put dinner on the table... etc.

I used to recent my mom for a lot of things.. the way she wears her make up, the way she puts on lipstick, the way she wipes her mouth before lighting a sigarett... my mom and I aren't close, not like she is with my sister. But the love is in the details. When I'm broke, my sister tells mom and mom gives me money. (lol I'm way too proud to tell her so my sister tattles on me :P) She takes whatever cash she has and gives it to me. She buys the types of food I like when I come. She brags about me to other people, she always tells me she loves me at the end of text messages.

And like chuff said, I think sometimes, even though our parents have faults, we need to be grateful for the things they do. And also recognize that they are only human and as when people get kids, the only thing to do is to do your best and work with what you got.

Have you tried to invite your dad to do something with you? Is there a sport/ sports team the both of you like, or that he likes... maybe you could ask if he wants to go to a game with you? Or go see a movie or rent a movie? Or maybe ask for a night a week the two of you can do stuff together or a night every two weeks... If he's not comfortable around people maybe you can find a way around it?

(I have a good example of looking at the smaller things parents do for their kids... I've worked with kids with special needs for over 3 years and a couple of years ago the parent of a kid we had, had sent a grocery bag full of food stuff that he could eat at school. When one of my co-workers at the time looked in the bag she dissed everything in it... I got peeved at her and said; HEY! Stop it! Make no mistakes about this! This is BAG filled with LOVE from the kids mother! )

I hope this was of some help! ;) and I do hope you can find a way of getting a better relationship with your dad :)

[none12345]

We watch sports together lol I we build stuff around the house together I guess that's our father-son bonding time. =P

But yah, they have always taken good care of me. They are nice people, I just don't know what to do when they go, they are getting any younger. I'll miss them a lot when they do.

[roxypox]

See ;) I think that every parent kind of do what they can. So maybe that's his way of spending time with you?

I think you should enjoy try to enjoy their company while you can ;) annoying habits and all. The last few years I've actually turned my parents annoying habits into something cute or endearing... something I only connect with them... like the way my mom looks when she puts on lipstick... :)

[none12345]

Errr... guys, every time my dad eats it pisses me off, I don't even eat at the dinner table with the family anymore. I can literally hear him chew with his mouth open from upstairs in my room... I get so angry. I don't know why. Maybe I have anger issues, but this is the only thing I get angry and pissed at. I can't even stand to look at him anymore.

[Romefalls19]

He sounds like a great father to me. I know tons of kids that don't have fathers, or if they do, they are absent, meaning they don't do anything with them. What you have is a father that not only stuck around, but also teaches you things, builds things with you and watches sports with you. Ask some of the kids who don't have a father if they would complain about the type of father you have.

Who cares if he eats loud, my dad is a loud mouth. He doesn't mean too, but it's how he is. He talks loud, it got passed down to me. It's kind of funny actually. I bet you have some habits that people find annoying.

[chuff]

but this is the only thing i get angry and pissed at.

ONLY??

Dude, I haven't talked to my father in years because he had a habit of lying to me and then lying to cover up the lies. The last lie I warned him in advance 3 times if he was lying to me, I would just appreciate the truth. Because he's my dad, and I'm Mr. Nice guy (hard to believe I know) I went along with him again, and it cost me a lot of money. When confronted with the truth he lied again and said he didn't know what I was talking about. Try putting up with that BS for 25 years.

My sister tried to get us back together once to work it out and he lied to her, and I caught him again... after not having talked to him in at least a year. He can't help himself, even when he's confronted with the truth. Maybe it's why I turned out so blunt about things, and that's why I'm going to be so blunt with you. Get a grip. Bad table manners do not make a bad father. An annoying one, maybe, but not a bad one. If the only thing you have against him is some loud chewing, point it out to him or leave the house he bought for you when he eats. Unless you are leaving something out, he's not what you are making him to be.

[none12345]

Don't get me all wrong, I appreciate that he works and provides for the family. Its just this annoying habit, gets me all worked up for some reason. I've point it out to him and thenhe just does more on purpose, this s why I don't eat with the family.

I am pretty sure there are some annoying habits that I might have but when they point it out to me, I try not to do those in front of them. And Rome, my father wasn't really much of a father t me. He was just a provider. Never taught me anything, didn't spend much time with me, wasn't really a father figure.

Mom taught me everything in life and she always complains she has to do everything a father should do and that puts extra stress on her.

[chuff]

None, your on solid ground now. Everything may not be perfect, but you old enough to where if there is something you want to learn you can do it yourself. I understand living in the same house with someone is going to have it's moments, but letting the actions of others control of you temper is not going to do you any good. Your mental health is the one suffering for something you have no control over.

[I wish]

Am I missing something? Only his eating habits bother you? If that's your biggest problem with him, then you have it really good man. I'm sure it's a small enough thing that you can accept.

[mum45]

Oh.My.God.
This young man thinks he has the right to point out to his FATHER about how he eats bothers him?? The inmates are taking over the asylum!!

Okay, just now in the thread you spill that your mom is always complaining she had to do everything a father should do? And she taught you everything? I Think there's more to be told. Also... Dad quit smoking AND drinking, but apparently is still a piece of crap in your eyes. Even though you apparently spent time watching sports together. That is time, I hate to inform you!!
Sounds like there is a lot of unresolved anger in mom and son.

You know, here is the deal. Some dads work a lot of hours. Then they mow yards, do lots of other stuff that just wears them out. Don't know what kind of work your dad does, but dang, he might be TIRED! Do you have brothers and sisters? Apparently you guys go to the store together, since he embarrases you there, too. Have you realized he may have a social anxiety disorder and that's why he asks obvious questions he already knows answers to, in order to try to engage conversations to not try to embarrass himself? That's common among people with this disorder. This may be another reason he didn't play sports with you. You need to realize parents get tired, get arthritis, weary, and if he drank, his body probably aged early. And one more thing, some people eat like that because they have a deviated septum, or other sinus issues and don't feel like they get enough air and chew at the same time! He provided for you, was there with you, and that's more than about roughly 50-60% of most kids had. If it sounds like I am being rough, I do apolige, I don't want to hurt your feelings. I just feel that you will not understand until you walk in his shoes. Raise kids, work yourself to the bone, then have a teenage son refuse to eat with you because you chew with your mouth open. Please Try to see this shouldn't be all about you. You have more than this one issue, for sure. You really need to dwelve into this with counseling.

p.s. And If it were me, I guarantee I would chew louder and louder, just to annoy you!!

[none12345]

Oh.My.God.
This young man thinks he has the right to point out to his FATHER about how he eats bothers him???? the inmates are taking over the asylum!!!!

Okay, just now in the thread you spill that your mom is always complaining she had to do everything a father should do? And she taught you everything? I Think theres more to be told. Also...Dad quit smoking AND drinking, but apparantly is still a piece of crap in your eyes. Even though you apparantly spent time watching sports together. That is time, I hate to inform you!!!
Sounds like there is a lot of unresolved anger in mom and son.

You know, here is the deal. Some dads work a lot of hours. Then they mow yards, do lots of other stuff that just wears them out. Don't know what kind of work your dad does, but dang, he might be TIRED! Do you have brothers and sisters? Apparantly you guys go to the store together, since he embarrases you there, too. Have you realized he may have a social anxiety disorder and thats why he asks obvious questions he already knows answers to, in order to try to engage conversations to not try to embarrass himself? Thats common among people with this disorder. This may be another reason he didn't play sports with you. You need to realize parents get tired, get arthritis, weary, and if he drank, his body probably aged early. And one more thing, some people eat like that because they have a deviated septum, or other sinus issues and don't feel like they get enough air and chew at the same time! He provided for you, was there with you, and thats more than about roughly 50-60% of most kids had. If it sounds like I am being rough, I do apolige, I don't want to hurt your feelings. I just feel that you will not understand until you walk in his shoes. Raise kids, work yourself to the bone, then have a teenage son refuse to eat with you because you chew with your mouth open. Please Try to see this shouldn't be all about you. You have more than this one issue, for sure. You really need to dwelve into this with counseling.

p.s. And If it were me, I guarantee I would chew louder and louder, just to annoy you!!!

Well first of all, I would like to say I'm sorry I don't have the right to point out the way my father eats bothers me. I should keep it inside till it explodes. That sounds like the logical option doesn't it?

I don't hate him or anything. He is still my father, gave me life and I am grateful for that. I might not understand till I become a father one day, and I won't be until I become one but one thing is for sure, I'm going to be a better father than my dad ever was. You don't know how the situation is completely, just from the information I provided.

I am happy I have a father that sticks with the family, he did lots of nice things for the family. He doesn't do anything bad to us or anything like that. Its just I wish he could have been a better father figure to me, I had to learn everything myself or from my mom which isn't the same.

[liz28]

My parents are my best friends and I love them to death. However they have some annoying habits.

My dad is laid back and he doesn't do anything that annoys me. Well, come to think about it there is one thing--his snoring. He wakes up the whole house. When I sleep over I just want to put a sock in it so I can sleep. Lol

Now my mom--where to start? My mother is very aggressive and have no problem speaking her mind. Sometimes I don't want to go out with her because she will argue with anyone. Last week she got into an agruement with a lady because she didn't say "Thank You" after she held the door open for her. ;-O I'm like mom lets go. I am happy she doesn't drive because she would be having road rage. My mom will agrue with anyone men and woman. If she sees a child acting out of place she's going to say something even if their parent is present but everyone loves her and she a teacher and all the kids in the entire school respects her--even the bad ones.

Then she is loud. I mean extra loud. We went to the store and I brought some sexy nightware and she announce it to hold store. All she kept saying is "Why are you buying that". I was embrassed.

Don't take her to a restaurant because she brings her own food. Yes, she does. She say "the resturant make you wait too long so she brings her snacks". :-O

However my parents are always there for me no matter what. I can always count and call on them any time of the day.

My parents personalities been the way it is now since I was younger and I guess old habits are hard to break. I know I do things to annoys them (my mom mostly because nothing gets to my dad) so we all have annoying habits. Just deal with it and believe me when their gone your going to miss it. For now don't let it bother you.

[mum45]

No you shouldn't keep it in till you explode. You need to get some talking to a professional to get it out!! Its always good to have goals to be a great parent, to not make mistakes that our parents made, but what happens a lot of times is that we find when we come to parenthood and grandparenthood that our parents were not so bad after all. Just please talk to a professional about the issues you are having, get it out in a healthy manner with someone that you can trust, and help you work ON your relationship with your dad, instead of increasing your resentment.

[none12345]

Liz: that is so true, when they are gone I ll be wishing that they will be there doing those annoying habits.

Mum: Yah I should get help, although it seems like such a small issue, I don't know if it ll be worth it.

[liz28]

None12345 it doesn't matter how big or small your problem is. Counselors are there to help and your be surprise how much better it will make you feel.

[chuff]

mum: Yah i should get help, althought it seems like such a small issue, i dont know if it ll be worth it.

So is there something more here? Is this anger at someone else that you are redirecting towards your father because he's an easy target?

[none12345]

So is there something more here? Is this anger at someone else that you are redirecting towards your father because he's an easy target?

Nope, I'm not an angry person most of the time. Its just I know this issue, shouldn't bother me that much, but it does when its actually practiced but in logic I realize its not suppose to. I don't know if what I said makes sense lol