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jennyab123 · May 19, 2009, 04:52 PM

I hope this is the right place for this. I will try to make this as brief as I can. I have a 16 yr old boy and we had a fight on Friday. I was on him about cleaning his room which he did not do in a month so I did it. I put everything in boxes. I gave him another month to clean out the boxes and he didn't. So I put it all in a yard sale. Well he was extreamely pissed at me. Well his dad (ex boyfriend) came for him and I told his dad that he was very upset/angry with me. Well then today I get court papers in the mail. They are sueing me for custody of my son. The papers say "Son is sixteen yrs old and wants to live with father and visit with father". Father has had no contact with him for the first nine years. He has another child that he only sees maybe twice a month. DS is in special education and the special education is a lot better in our district then it is in his dad's district. The city his dad lives in has gangs and shotting and stuff like that. Ours doesn't. I'm a SAHM and I am very active in all DS's education things. This is noted in his IEP about how active I am in his education. His dad's house was just in foreclosure about four months ago. His dad's job is not stable. He has off sometimes for three weeks at a time. I even have a email from his dad stating that his dad has a "I don't care" additude about school stuff. His dad can not read either. How is this in the best interest of my son to move him?? I'm assuming the judge will talk to my son and see what he wants to do. But if my son tells them that he wants to live with his dad can the judge say NO because it's best for him to stay with me??

His dad has visitation every weekend with DS. If I lose and get visitation will I get the same as his dad and get him every weekend?? I'm a nervous mess over this. This is not his dad's doing. It's his wife. I'm not even allowed to talk to dad unless I talk to her first. Please help me. I need all the advice I can get. I am going to get legal aid for a laywer.

jennyab123 · May 19, 2009, 04:56 PM

Also wanted to add that I think DS wants to go with his dad because they have a lot of TOYS. Go carts/boats/camping site/NY hunting trips/ and stuff like that. I am also going to get my DS and myself in counsloring. ( we seem to hit heads a lot lately). But nothing major. Just his 16 year old cocky mouth stuff like that.

stevetcg · May 19, 2009, 06:07 PM

The judge can absolutely rule against both father and son. The fact that you have been primary caregiver and educator for 16 years will play a huge role in all of this.

My recommendation is to get a real lawyer... not a legal aid lawyer. This is a big deal and should be taken very seriously.

Just a point... if the dad can't read, how can he send you an email? That just struck me as odd.

As for what happens to visitation if you DO lose custody - it's a new game. You ask for what you want, possibly go into mediation and a new order is completed.

Fr_Chuck · May 19, 2009, 06:24 PM

The judge can do anything, it is possible of course. The judge will talk to the son, but you will be able to show why the son is better with you.
*** not just you saying that your school is better, you need real evidence from the state and/or school district

jennyab123 · May 20, 2009, 05:41 AM

His wife does everything for him. Fills out all papers (including court papers). I have the evidence from the state about the school districts and there PSAT scoring.

ScottGem · May 20, 2009, 06:07 AM

This is one of the reasons a child is not allowed to make the decision about who has custody. Only a judge can make that decision based on what is in the best interests of the child.

If you present your evidence as you stated it here, there is a good chance that the judge will not grant a change in custody. As I see it, the father's situation is not stable enough and the school issue would tip the scales.

But, if he does win custody, you should get similar visitation rights as he has now.

jennyab123 · May 20, 2009, 01:53 PM

Well I just spoke with my son. He DOES NOT WANT TO GO to the other district. And as far as visitation goes, his dad wants him EVERY WEEKEND. Because he races go carts. Right now his dad has him the first/second and fourth weekend of the months.

If he wins, Will I not get to see my son on any weekends?? He can't have his cake and eat it too can he? Can he get custody, have the boy go to a school in another city and get him every weekend??

stevetcg · May 21, 2009, 05:51 AM

Originally Posted by jennyab123

Well i just spoke with my son. He DOES NOT WANT TO GO to the other district. And as far as visitation goes,,his dad wants him EVERY WEEKEND. Because he races go carts. Right now his dad has him the first/second and fourth weekend of the months.

If he wins,,Will i not get to see my son on any weekends??? He can't have his cake and eat it too can he? Can he get custody, have the boy go to a school in another city and get him eveyr weekend???

That would mean he had custody and visitation and they are opposites. He cannot have both.

But again - I wouldn't worry about losing custody. As for every weekend... that's a possibility. That is still less that 1/3 custody... and I don't believe that is unreasonable. After all, your son is 1/2 his.