[Sparky1969]

I work with my Ex girlfriend and she left me for another guy who I work with ( She started texting him while seeing me) And dumped once she was ready. I was heart broken and we ended on bad terms. At work she has just ignored me - I decided to make no fuss and say nothing ( this was extremely hard). We have been apart 5 months now but the other day she e-mailed to wish me happy birthday. Hers was before mine but I did nothing as I still have feelings for her - and doing my best to move on. Do I reply to her e-mail - just trying to work out her intentions really.

[snow124]

Sorry to hear that - my ex left me for someone she met through work and started texting five months ago, too.

If you're still not over her, don't reply. Don't really see how anything good could come from it - maintain no contact.

[Romefalls19]

Nope don't reply. Stay on NC and this will pass.

[kctiger]

I will agree with the others... DO NOT reply. Trust me, it ain't worth it. As a matter of fact, if it is feasible to block her email, do so, as her little "nice gesture" has once again thrown you for a spin.

[Sparky1969]

Thanks Guys,

Really glad of the advice.

Your probably right as it has got me thinking about her and if she wants to start something again. She was horrible towards to me at the end so that I would dump her ( she did it anyway once she had the new guy to move on to). The thing is I keep wondering what sort of person who leaves someone for someone at the same work place and e-mails the Ex. Not that I'm going to say anything to him. It's also strange how she has made it obvious she did not want to talk by blanking me and then sending me this e-mail. Do you think some people just crave attention all the time?

[kctiger]

I think that some people just do whatever you allow them to do. In other words, if you just ignore her BS, it will eventually go away.

[ISneezeFunny]

The usual course that NC takes you is...

at around 4 - 6 months, the ex will e-mail/text you random small innocuous things to see if you're still interested. This can range from "happy birthday" or "congratulations" or "btw, I think I still have something of yours...do you want it back?"

We've all been there. If you do reply, this opens up a line of conversation. Chances are, she probably realizes that the new guy is/was a poor decision, and is trying to see if she can get back in your good graces. Does she want you back? Maybe, maybe not... but what's more important is that she's trying to get back in your life, one way or another.

[artlady]

Speculating on her reasons will get you no where as it is just an educated guess.

Maybe she wanted to show you what a big person she is by remembering your birthday,since you forget hers.

Maybe the new guy didn't work out.

Maybe she thinks it is time to call a truce and be friends.

The reasons could be many but the bottom line is if you break NC all your work thus far has been for nothing and you will have to begin again from square one.

Stick with the NC,it is your best defense against further pain.

[dreamingartist]

my X's birthday is coming up in 2 months. I know its going to happen and I've already rehearsed the whole process in my mind. Do I call, do I text, do I send her a email.. If I text, do I do it at 8 am and get it overwith, do I wait until 11:59.59 and say oh 1 second, happy birthday.

do you wait 2 days and then say happy birthday, sorry I forgot, I was with the hawaiian tropic bikini team and we were having so much fun that I forgot to send you a SMS.


basically, I'm going with don't email or sms or anything on the birthday.

1) she never replies, and it leaves you with that, why did I break NC and send her a text and she can't even reply.

2) she replies and opens lines of contact and leaves you messed up mentally.

3) you don't SMS or email her and she calls you the next day, or you get a text from her randomly saying something about it.

4) you never hear from her period. You didn't text her, so why should she text you back.



basically, the whole thing sucks, no matter what road you pick. So why pick a road that is going to suck more. Pick the least sucky road where you don't text, and you call it a day. Its life.

I know that there is potential for her to call me on my birthday and wish me happy birthday, its happened before when we broke up. And it just ruined my night when it did happen.

[kctiger]

I seriously WILL NOT give my ex the pleasure of my attention by wishing her a "Happy Birthday." She has her own supporting cast and needs no attention from me.

[Sparky1969]

Thanks again,

I am not over her and because we work in the same place, it's going to take longer than normal. So I will not reply. I think I'll try and take comfort in the fact she sent it and perhaps smile to myself about how she has let her new boyfriend down a bit as I also have work with him. And don't think he would be to impressed about it. From the relationship I do know she likes to be centre of attention and this is about more her and not me.

[markerman]

Truth! She wants to keep you on the line in case things don't workout with her new boyfriend. She might also want to see if you still want her. I have been in the same situation. I never did anything, and walked away. Write her off bud... Lots of other women out there for you...

[talaniman]

Go about your business, and leave hers alone. Not even a thank you.

[makapuu]

I would at least acknowledge her greeting with a simple thank you. Nothing more, no follow up.
My boyfriend always gets various birthday/holiday greetings from his ex's. Sometimes I think his ex's just want to keep their foots in the door should I ever break up with him, but that's just me thinkin' crazy.
Your ex has her own reasons/motivations for emailing you. You do not need to get sucked into her drama, however, I think a simple "Thank You" reply that you received it is appropriate.

[davett]

I just split up with my long term girlfriend. Her mom had died 2 months ago from a long illness.A month ago she wanted time to think on her own.. so I gave her space and she emailed 2 weeks later saying she thinks of me and feel it isn't over and we can work it out. So couple of days ago she wanted to meet and I was expecting us to make a go of it, but she decided to she wanted to finish it.

We talked for 2 hours and we came to the conclusion that she had to look after her dad and her head was all over the place at the moment and didn't want to keep me waiting while things get sorted out. We also decided there was a communication issue which I felt we could work out. It ended emotionally for both of us but with a split up.

I felt devastated and thought there was hope once thing settle down with her family. However a few days later and reading lots of forums I feel that I have to move on and cut all contact. Now I feel looking back that she was wanting to sort it (stuff like nit picking over minor things and going to the gym) even before her mum passed away and lost that loving feeling somewhere along the line(possibly about xmas time) and maybe talked herself out of love.

If I cut all contact I can start to move on or she really misses me and wants to get back together. Can't lose eitherway.

I know there is nothing I can do, so I have to move on. If she seriously wants to get back with me once things settle down then I'll just worry about that if it happens but I won't be waiting for it to happen. She probably changed once her mum was getting really ill and wants to get out there,let her her down and get her independence back..

It hurts but life is too short.

[davett]

Sorry meant to add that it is her birthday in 10 days, so best course of action is no birthday card. What good would it do sending one? The relationship won't get back together just because of a birthday card.

[Sparky1969]

Thanks for the replies guys - very helpful.

Not heard from her anymore.