[ourpartner]

Hi truly,

I can now see where you are coming from.

What dreadful thoughts going through your mind,not surprizing considering the burden you are shouldering.

This explains why you went over board with your man and the porn issue,had you not had all of those experiences, the reaction would probably been much less intense.

In your mind you have categorized these abusers, when your man was caught looking at the porn your mind automatically slotted him in with the rest...you were unable to separate the two and they are completely different.

The abusers are disgusting excuses for human beings..scum of the earth, and in my opinion should be wiped off of it.

Your man is just a regular guy who like many others occasionally looks at porn...the norm

The most important thing here is the fact that he loves you..for you...which is the main ingredient in a relationship...he's not from the past, that's gone..... accept in your mind.

The fact that you can talk about your experiences is a good thing, nevertheless you know what happened and i am sure you do not wish to keep bringing those memories to the forefront of your mind..constantly reliving the experience every time you feel threatened.

You need to change how your thought process works.

Unfortunately the memories are there, but that's gone.....in the past,you cannot remain there....you must move foreword not allowing this shadow to cast itself over future years ahead.

i know this at first will be hard but i know you can do it.
To have survived in your life having suffered so badly, i can see that you have an inner strength.

I would like you to try C.B.T......cognitive theraphy behaviour..
Therapist ask you to talk about your past.....which i don't think will help you.
To keep regurgitating the stories of your abuse, will be of no use...it's only if the person doesn't recognise their problem....you do need to talk.

C.B.T is all about here and now...on occasion they may ask you to relay a little of what caused this problem but in general, it's how it's affecting you now and how they approach it.

C.B.T can help you to change how you think (cognitive) and what you do because of that thought (behaviour).
These changes can make you feel much better about yourself unlike some of the other " talking treatments" it's focus is here and now and the problems and difficulties surrounding that,instead of focussing on the cause of your distress in your past.
It looks for ways to improve your state of mind now.

C.B.T is one of the most effective treatments, which if mastered correctly can change the way you feel physically and emotionally, which i feel is what you need now.

Make an appointment with your GP who can refer you to the relevant clinic (phycologist) who will be able to teach you how to apply C.B.T.

It does work but it takes perseverance on your part and patiences...please give it a try.

In the mean time, try and block your thoughts with an image..could be anything, but something that makes you feel happy...maybe flowers or the beach...sandcastles...a happy moment in your life, you get the idea true don't you.

I hope this will help you to look foreword not back, it will not change a thing.

Memories will gradually fade in time if not constantly being dug up...let them lie.

Takecare

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a brilliant suggestion. I hesitate to mention it before, but having read your further posts I agree strongly that you should investigate this method.
It is a time and session limited therapy, VERY goal oriented, wherein the patient learns skill applications to control and make desirable alterations in her own thought process and emotional reactions to the situations that trouble her.
Use university resources to seek out a capable therapist in your area. It is not a therapeutic tool for generalists.
Predators can spot a victim persona. That may be why you have suffered so many assaultive events. NOT your fault. On the other hand, people CAN and DO learn to project a different presence. You may soon learn to emanate strength, which I find to be a protection in itself.

There is a lot of wisdom being sent your way by many site members. Good luck.

[YeloDasy]

CBT is great, but there are other options out there also. It depends on where you are, what you have accoimplished in treatment already, and your current level of management. Maybe you need more trauma therapy. Not sure your Diagnosis, but maybe PTSD treatment would help at this point. I don't know.
But counseling is great. Going once and graduating is fantastic, but throughout your life, unfortunately, these things might effect you at different stages, and counseling can help each stage. You are strong for going and looking into going again! Good for you!