[makapuu]

My advice always leans towards telling the truth and following my heart.

But there are two sides to everything...
I know a woman that told her boyfriend how she felt, and it lead to their break-up. I think she's regretting it now, because their "friends with benefits" relationship was going pretty good up until then.

[chuff]

My advice always leans towards telling the truth and following my heart.

Agreed.

I know a woman that told her boyfriend how she felt, and it lead to their break-up. I think she's regretting it now, because their "friends with benefits" relationship was going pretty good up until then.

I disagree with this. Granted, I'm assuming a lot from two sentences but from what you describe it was never a solid relationship of any kind. They were never boyfriend/girlfriend if they were friends with benefits. This is exactly the problem people in these relationships form. They confuse what they are and never make it clear to themselves or there sexual partner. The rules for the relationship changed for her but not for him in what you describe above. But she wasn't honest with herself because if she had feeling for him and he didn't for her, then she was just going to be used from that point forward. It was in HER best interest to speak up even if it did end the relationship, because once she was over the pain of the rejection she was clear minded to move forward. That could not have happened if she stayed and "waited" for him to change his mind, while she emotionally suffered.

[roxypox]

I agree with Chuff on this. I'm dreading the talk because I can't calculate the outcome. I like to be prepared. But at the same time I know I have to have the talk. (thanx to chuff for pulling me back in)

I think your friend was prob better of in the long run. I personally do feel that If he will never feel the same about me, it ain't worth my time. I also feel that for me, personally, myself respect would take a dive from it... and I really do not wish to go there.

I tried talking to him to day, but chickened out :p might do it later today though... He's been a little distant the past two weeks, so I just want to get it over with. Either way, I won't see him the next too weeks anyway...

[talaniman]

Here I go again, sex may be great, and so are the walks in the park, and the ice cream in the summer, but no relationships can survive when there is no honest communications, and when your feelings change, your partner should be the second one to know, so you both can make a good decision based on facts.

I'm dreading the talk because i can't calculate the outcome. I like to be prepared

Break ups may hurt, but that's not a bad thing. Not wishing you bad luck Roxy, but when partners can't deal with the changes that come up in a relationship, they leave.

Acknowledging your changing feelings is something he needs to know, plain and simple. Glad your working to that end, it's the best way to go, whatever he chooses to do about it.

[roxypox]

I had a talk with him last night.

I told him that I needed to talk to him about something that had been on my mind lately, I said that I had realized that I could fall in love with him.

He said: that's not good. This means we have to end it. I can't see us working in the long run.

Me: what is it that you believe can't work out.

Him: we are too different, similar on some points , but different and for me it would never work in the long run. And I'm not willing to try something that I don't believe in.

Me: that the funny part, how too people ca preserve something in such a different manner. Because I think it could. But that doesn't mean that I don't respect the way you feel about it.

I spent the night at his house and he drove me to the bus I'm currently on. Going to pick up my stuff in two weeks. He asked if we could stay friends, I said yes, but Don't expect me to come visit. And then he asked: what if we meet at a party or at your brothers place; would you talk to me? I said: yes, but the chances of that are slim to none, so I wouldn't worry about it..

He took that as a sign that I would avoid him, which I told him isn't true. Its only the more realistic way of seeing things. I also told him that it started to change for me when it stopped being about the sex and started to be about him. For me sex and to only have focus on sex, in the long run is just meaningless. He wanted me to sleep in his arms, I said it was too hard, he offered to go sleep on the couch I said he didn't have to... it was painful but not that painfull.

I have never been rejected like this before... maybe because I always leave before I can be. I have been hurt though, but the first thing I noticed was my intense want and need to change his mind last night, if I could have forced his hand to try for just a littløe while. I would have, Must say it was quite and interesting emotion.

Thank you all for your advice and help with this! Even though things are a little more painful today, then what they where 12 hours ago, I'm happy I did it. I'm happy I told him and was honest with him as well as myself. I honestly believe that if I stop being honest with myself at any point in life I'll sgtop growing eventually as a person. (see upside ;))

If anything, I am one more lesson richer! And like you said Chuff at least I could walk out this morning, kind of sad, but at least I could hold my head high.
Thank you!

[chuff]

I'm honestly sorry because from his actions I thought he felt the same way. I feel like I've led you on a little bit and it turns out it was not the case.

But Roxy, this is in my opinion, good news. No more wondering, no more mood swings, no more sex where you are drawn closer and he's not caring. In the short term it's hurts but in the long term it's the best thing for you.

I like how you are turning the negative into a positive. There will always be challenges in life. Getting something for the future out of them only makes you stronger.

[musick_freak26]

OK tell him you love him. With my boy friend I said I loved him too. Also do not use the word "lovers" unless you have had sex

[chuff]

ok tell him you love him. With my boy friend i said i loved him too. Also do not use the word "lovers" unless you have had sex

Since it is your first post I will spare you the reddie but this is beyond ridicules if you actually read the thread... or even Roxy's last post.

[talaniman]

You know the drill, heal first before you move on.

Sorry for his loss.

[liz28]

Roxy I am sorry the outcome wasn't differ but at least you are at peace now.

He just didn't want nothing serious. Me and my fiancé have some things in common but not everything and it works for us. I can't image us not having different opinons, hobbies, etc.

Remember what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

[roxypox]

Chuff> No worries, I kind of had a feeling this would happen. He is more commitment phobic then anyone I have ever know, I've known this all along, got to admit that I had like a tiny tiny tiny hope he would gotten rid of some of it, but I wasn't surprised by his decision.

But yeah, I think its for the better! Now I know. Now I don't have to wonder, and it is true as Tal commented earlier; I was growing more attached to him... I wasn't really in love yet...

And I'm lucky, I have great friends and I'm surrounded by lots of people who love me and appreciate me just the way I am. :) Besides, I got to know a great person and I learned a thing or two about being calm and we had fun together

At the end of the day, when the emotions calm down: I'm going to take the good, leave the bad, and move on. Lol found me a couple of happy songs (I love music and I like to use it when I'm sad... either to stay sad for a bit or in this case cheer me up ;) )

Tal: Love your comment! Thank you. That's how I see it too. His loss!

[roxypox]

Roxy I am sorry the outcome wasn't differ but at least you are at peace now.

He just didn't want nothing serious. Me and my fiance have some things in common but not everything and it works for us. I can't image us not having different opinons, hobbies, etc.

Remember what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

Couldn't give you a greenie Liz, but thank you! So true, this is a lesson and I'm kind of proud I was able to tell him, proud I stood up for the way I feel and I didn't run away or back away. :)

[Survivor07]

You did yourself a real favor. Peace of mind is much better than what you had before.

We only go around once. We can't waste time on people or things that are not good for us.

You're smart. You know what to do, and I agree with Tal, Sorry for his loss. : )

[roxypox]

Survior> so true, life\s too short! ;) thank you. And yes it really is his loss :)

[none12345]

Better now than later, when all your time is invested into something that isn't what you expect it to be. =P There are many people out there Roxy that is looking for the same things you are XD

[roxypox]

So true None! So true ;)

Is it uncommon to kind of disliking him for being so nice about it? He actually sendt me a text on Monday saying he was glad he got the chance to know me and that he thought it was good and brave of me to tell him and that he appreciated me being honest about it, so that none of us ended up hurt. I kind of wish he would be mean so that I could like hate him a little... just a tinzy bit... lol... I'm going to let it go. (my defence; 2.5 days in)

[makapuu]

From Roxypox

Chuff> No worries, I kind of had a feeling this would happen. He is more commitment phobic then anyone I have ever know, I've known this all along, got to admit that I had like a tiny tiny tiny hope he would gotten rid of some of it, but I wasn't surprised by his decision. XD

I wish people would realize that the cure for a "commitment phobe" is for them to find the "one." If you think he's a commitment phobe, then he must think that you're not the one. There is nothing wrong with that.

[roxypox]

Thank you for your opinion, and you might very well be right. Who knows... but personally I don't believe in the concept of the one. I honestly don't... That is just too unrealistic for me. Of course I do respect the fact that others believe in it... ;) (out of the, what 7 billion people out there, only one can be right for me? I honestly don't think so. Even if I'm young, I have loved and been loved by several people. And of course I'm not going to be right for eveyone I feel can be right for me. Sad fact of life. But a fact none the less.)

But thank you for taking the time to answer. :)

[roxypox]

Update:
We went 8 days with No Contact. I sent him a text asking if I could come and pick up my stuff on Saturday (the 30th)

On that Saturday, He picked me up at moms house and his best friend was with him. We went to his house. I gathered my stuff. He asked if I wanted something to drink so I stayed for a couple of hours just chatting with them.

When I was about to leave he said he and his dog could walk with me. He told me that his mom had invited me to this thing at the end of June. And that he told her I was busy.

I asked him; what? You haven't told her?

Him: no I don't want to have yet another talk with mom and grandma, where they are mad at me for never opening up to people, and for guarding myself... besides she'll be sad. I don't want that either.

He also apologized for being so hard when he we talked on the 17th and that he didn't mean to say things the way he did... I just said that if the words you said are what you mean, then it doesn't really matter how you say it... you still mean it. He said, that's true, but I didn't really mean all the words I said and I didn't mean to be so cold and hard about it.

Seriously I have no idea what he's talking about and I don't know, when I faced him on Saturday I just put on my cold-hearted-sally face and pretended like it didn't face me at all.

Also for the last three days he has been inviting me to come and watch a movie and eat dinner...

[talaniman]

Could he be missing what he had? I think so, but its more important he say it, so you don't assume it.

He, unlike you, is less of a risk taker. Why is he so guarded with others? Curious.