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    cyndics321's Avatar
    cyndics321 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    May 18, 2009, 08:40 AM
    Frinship with my ex
    How can I maintain a friendship with my ex if I still have feelings for him? We broke up a little over a year ago. He is three years younger than me, and when he turned 21 he, understandably wanted to go through the 'party phase'. I am a single mom and couldn't go with him majority of the time. I guess we kindof drifetd apart. I stll love him and haven't been able to hold another relationship since him. He told me last night that he wants me to be his best friend because he still loves me too and doesn't want us to drift any farther apart. I told him I don't know how to do that.

    Someone tell me if this is even possible. It hurts like hell.. I've been waiting for it to go away for the last year! Will it ever? :(
    Justwantfair's Avatar
    Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 944
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    May 18, 2009, 08:57 AM

    When you still have feelings for someone it is impossible to hold a platonic friendship with them.

    You are still idealizing the relationship and hoping for a relationship reunion. It would not be fair to either of you to contemplate a platonic friendship.

    Tell him 'no' and continue trying to work over your feelings.

    I feel that part of the problem is sometimes in single motherhood you don't have the time available to offer a close friendship with many and it's often difficult to make many friends at all. So while he is being social and probably has a great number of friends, you are not as socially enriched so you cling and idolize thoughts of your relationship together.

    Continue working on you and growing yourself. Three years younger is a great difference for a man with a younger women in most instances especially a young single mother with a younger man. You have a full plate and it would be great to offer your child the family relationship that you desire, but take you time, branch out and make the best choice you can for yourself and a relationship.

    Good luck to you.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,490, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member
     
    #3

    May 18, 2009, 10:29 AM

    If its an ex boyfriend just sever any ties with him...

    Now an ex spouse you had children with is a different issue.

    Personally, in this case I think its best to keep your distance until you are truly moved on and those feelings no longer exist.

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