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misery_comfort1 · May 15, 2009, 05:58 PM

Okay so I broke up with this guy about 7 months ago. I was with him for almost a year and half, I loved him but we had to end it cause we gradually drifted apart and it became awkward. He was my first lover and boyfriend. The problem is I can't stop thinking about him or looking at him. I keep distracting myself but that can only last for so long. He was the one that wanted to break up with me, I wanted it but never had the courage to say anything. So he did, anyway we mutually agreed. So I accepted. So after 3 weeks or so I was talking to this guy who was one my class mate. I didn't notice it at first but he started to get close with me. Eventually he told me that he liked me and this was about 1 month later since I broke up with my first and I started to date him secretly cause I didn't want to hurt my ex,I denied it at first saying to the guy that I need time to think about it cause I just broken up with a serious relationship. But eventually word got around and he found out I was dating this guy. Now problem is we weren't talking to each other face but via email. He asked me whether I like another guy while I was dating and I said no. then he found out and he started accusing me of being a liar. I tried to tell him that we were broken up and he had no control over me and I was trying to move on. Later on I was invited to party he was there we started talking to sort things out and I told him I wanted to be friends with him but he said how we don't talk anymore and so leads him to walking out on me and I think tears in his eyes. I wanted him so bad just to be my friend cause I didn't want to lose him. I know we drifted apart but I still want to be his friend. It took me while to accept that it could never be same. But I ask the question to you and me how can a relationship last so long and in the end you don't know who they are anymore? Does that mean that it was love at all?

The guy I was with I broke it off, cause I knew it hurt him and I didn't know myself whether he was my rebound guy. I don't talk to the guy anymore, his in my class and I don't have the guts to say anything its too weird and I felt guilt in a way. I don't really care anymore he turned out to be jerk. Well here I am now asking the question how do I move on? What does this mean? And I don't want him back but I can't stop thinking about him... will I find a better guy? Please help me its driving me insane it makes me sad to think about and distract me from school and I need to concentrate cause its year 12... its too much to stress not knowing what's ahead of me of what I want to either.

superk · May 15, 2009, 06:10 PM

You did the right thing to not use the other guy just to move on but being friends with an ex is worse idea.

Cut all the contacts, ignore what the ex is doing, focus on your own healing. The more you keep on looking back, the longer it takes you to move on.

talaniman · May 16, 2009, 03:02 PM

Your wanting to be friends has left you open to his BS.

Forget the friends stuff.

susangpyp · May 16, 2009, 03:52 PM

Definitely stay NO CONTACT. It's the only way to sanity.

liz28 · May 16, 2009, 05:12 PM

Wait a second? You broke up with a guy because your ex had problems with you dating him?

Then you say you told him (the ex) that he doesn't control your life but it did at the at that moment.

Leave your ex in the past because he only wants to not see you happy. An ex doesn't have to be your friend and this ex only wants to turn your life upside down.

Move on and don't have any contact with him. He can't just be part of your life whenever he decides to be.

Leave him alone and keep your distance.