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nickomay · May 16, 2009, 02:10 AM

Hey everyone I'm nicko may. I need some advice on a relationship that's gone bad.
Ok well, I started going out with my boyfriend in November (last year). Everything was great perfect even. He was there for me from the start and understood that 2 months piror to going out with him I had just came out of a 3 1/2 year relationship. We had a connection and He understood what it meant to be hurt seems his last serious girl friend cheated on him. He helped me pick myself up and improve myself, he even helped me kick my alcohol additction, get my drivers licence and showed me what it was like to have fun with out alcohol.
After 2 1/2 moths he told me he was ready to say I love you, and he wanted to move in with me and settle down. Well I panicked :eek: mainly because this was around about the time my exboyfriend came back ( I know great timing) so naturally I didn't think I was ready and I didn't want to get hurt again so I blurted out " I'm not the right girl for you, I'm not settling down material, I'm moving away, my ex wants me back and I don't no what to do" (stupid I know). So I kind of stopped him feeling anything for me.
For 6 moths after that I kept getting abusive jelous messages and phone calls from my ex, which left me crying most of the time. I told my boyfriend every time my ex conacted me and why I was upset. My boyfriend got fustrated with me and couldn't understand why I was even still talking to my ex.
Then come April the 18th my boyfriend broke up with me :( . We didn't fight about it. I just excepted what he had to say and left.
We talked about it the week after and he said he's really confused and fustrated with our relationship he wants it to work but he can't see how it's going to. He wants to feel like his in love with me but he dosen't anymore. I tried to explain that that was my fault and I only said those things because I was confused. He asked for sometime to think about things, which I agreed to.
We didn't talk for about 2 weeks until last Monday when he said, things are very boring with out me and he misses me sometimes. I said well we can always give it another try which he replied yeah we could. I said so we're giving it another try then? He just laughed and said I have to go now.
I haven't herd from him since then I know his busy at the moment and out of town.

If anyone has any advice to share please do I would greatly appreciate it.
Thanks.

queenbre123 · May 16, 2009, 06:00 AM

Call him trust me he'll answer and if not he's probably busy and will call you back when he's free from:queenbre

Bluerose · May 16, 2009, 06:06 AM

Looks to me like you both need to sit down and have a serious talk. And don't let him walk away from you without giving you some answers. This to me sounds like an awful way to be treated and I would show him the door. But the decision is yours.

talaniman · May 16, 2009, 01:55 PM

My boyfriend got frustrated with me and couldn't understand why I was even still talking to my ex.

If I were your boyfriend, I wouldn't even talk to you, until you made up your mind to stop having any contact with your ex. That would mean ignoring his calls/texts/emails, or whatever.

Then you could focus on me, and not him.

liz28 · May 16, 2009, 02:19 PM

How do you expect your boyfriend to be committed to you while your still committed to your ex.

Then to add salt to the wound you say this, "" I'm not the right girl for you, I'm not settling down material, I'm moving away, my ex wants me back and I don't no what to do" (stupid I know)." You sound conflicted. I would've been out the door after this.

Be honest is the best policy and saying hurtful things isn't. It isn't his fault he feels the way the way he does.

nickomay · May 16, 2009, 07:19 PM

I never said it was his fault, I know it my fault and I should never said or acted the way I did and I have told him this and apoligised for it.
I'm just wondering how I can fix the situation.

Gemini54 · May 17, 2009, 12:05 AM

It's hard, but you'll have to wait.

I don't know if you can FIX the situation because your attention was so focused on your ex and you weren't sensitive to your BF's needs.

Wait until he comes back and say you want to see him. Tell him you'd like to have another go at the relationship and ask him what he thinks.

If he says no, accept it and move on. Don't jump into another relationship. Learn the lesson.

talaniman · May 17, 2009, 12:09 PM

I'm just wondering how I can fix the situation.

You can't, he has to want to help you put this together again, and if he doesn't, there is no fixing, sorry.

nickomay · May 17, 2009, 07:09 PM

He dosen't see the point in giving it another chance because he dosen't feel like he's going to develop strong feelings for me. I said that's fine and I respect that.
I told him I realized I'm not ready for a relationship at the moment I have to work on myself. I asked him if he wants to be friends and I reasured him that I won't hassle him to go back out with me. Which he is happy about because his main worry was he wanted to spend time with me but thought he couldn't because it would get weird.

So I guess I made the right decision and who knows maybe later on we might bet back together time will only tell. I'm not going to hold my breath though because you don't know what's around the coner.
I'm just going to focus on being a good friend because that's what he deserves.:)

Romefalls19 · May 18, 2009, 05:44 AM

If my fiancé was still in contact with her ex(other than about the girls) then I wouldn't be coming any closer either. A natural instinct of a human is to protect ourselves from pain, so why would he put himself before a firing squad and hoping that they don't fire.

Drop the ex, the past is the past. Then let you newest ex(so confusing) decide, on his own, if he wants to fix things.