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lalanay1 · May 15, 2009, 02:17 PM

My boyfriend and me have been going out for about four months now. He always tells me how much he loves me and how perfect for him I am. The only problem is that he is still best friends with his ex. If I tell him something, she always seems to find out, and as I go to a different college to him, and they go to the same one, I always worry during the week what he's telling her, or if he might be cheating on me. I know that I'm probably being paranoid, but I found photographs of them together, which were recently taken (he just had his hairstyle changed) and they were sat with their knees touching. Me and my boyfriend have known each other for about 3yrs, and they have only known each other for about 2yrs, and I have aproached him about it, and he assured me that he wasn't cheating on me, but I'm not so sure. Am I just being paranoid? :confused:

h_leann_b · May 15, 2009, 02:24 PM

It is possible to be in a relationship with someone, then end up being close friends with them without any romantic feelings. I think you need to talk to him, and tell him that you are not comfortable with him telling his friend everything you tell him. I think that you should trust him unless you have a reason not to. Has he ever cheated on an ex girlfriend? Does he act weird around you?

Relationships are built on communication and trust. I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and don't assume he is cheating on you. But if you can't handle him being friends with his ex; maybe it is time for you to move on and find someone else. Just remember to communicate!

Gemini54 · May 15, 2009, 11:52 PM

You may just have to take what he tells you at face value.

I am still very good friends with my ex, and when I first met my current partner it was very difficult for me to let go of him emotionally, because we had been so close. It may be that your BF feels like this about his ex. Eventually though, I realised that if I was to truly commit to my partner I had to let go of my ex emotionally and have a less intense and more social relationship with him. The intense relationship needed to be reserved for my current partner, who is now my husband.

I agree with the previous post - give him the benefit of the doubt and don't make a fuss, but be clear that you are his priority now, not her.

taoplr · May 16, 2009, 12:40 AM

It is healthier to be friends with one's ex than to be enemies. It can indicate a level of personal development, maturity. They figured out that they didn't belong together, but that they enjoyed talking with each other.

H and Gem gave you good advice. If there is no weird behavior, give him your trust. Just tell him the truth and let him know that your secrets with him are private. Set boundaries. If he respects them, relax.

ajGambino · May 16, 2009, 12:53 AM

If he hasn't lied or been distrustful to you, I don't see the harm in this situation.

If he hasn't done anything wrong, I think you should give him your trust.

Squiffy78 · May 16, 2009, 05:17 AM

I think you just need to be happy he can get on with his ex. My ex husband and I are still friends, as is my partner and his ex wife, we all have new partners, its not an issue. What is an issue is that he is telling her everything, maybe worth pointing out that he needs to keep your privacy and not blab everything you say to her.

talaniman · May 16, 2009, 02:22 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...me-325753.html

I thougt you were almost 14? What's this college stuff about?

makapuu · May 16, 2009, 09:13 PM

The feelings you have are normal. It took me 6 months to get over my insecurities about my boyfriend's ex girlfriend. She would call him and ask him out "as friends." He said he would never go without me, but that didn't stop her from trying. My boyfriend truly loves me, and I have no reason to worry about any of his ex's. They all seem to call him every once in a while to "check in" but it doesn't bother me anymore.