[talaniman]

I don't think they are falling in love, but are getting more attached to each other.

[none12345]

Well, I don't think that I can add much to the discussion on this post - it's been really interesting reading what everyone has said and the responses from roxypox.

I would only like to say one thing, that I have found to be so true in my own life:

"It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all".

Yea, I know, it's corny - but it's really true - there is no better way to get to know yourself and another person than though a relationship.

Put away the fear and just do it - don't overthink it and enjoy.

Actually I see it differently lol I guess its opinion.

I think its better to never loved at all, than be loved and lost.

[roxypox]

Thank you both for responding.


Well, tal you are right it has only been a few months and it is way way too early to be professing love, we kind of were friends with befits before we defined it as such... so its been almost 5 months... and I don\t think its so much professing that the love is here and its big and manifested, but more that its kind of heading in that direction. I'm somewhere between charmed and in love... does that make any sense?

I've given all of these answers and this thing a lot of thought to day and I guess what would be fair is to say that that's the direction I'm headed.

I would like to share a thought that struck me... and I had a talk with my sister about it and she pretty much agreed. I think that dating in Norway is pretty different then in some other places. Most people become a couple pretty fast, my sis and her Significant other became a couple after 1.5 months, one of my best friends and her boyf (of three years now) became a couple after a few weeks, a co-woker and her SO after a few days... and I didn't really tell people early on that me and this guy weren't really dating but more friends with benefits then anything else, so when I had known him for 2 months people thought it was weired that we weren't bf/gf, and now after almost 5 months they still thinks its weird. I also think that the people who know the both of us, and the people who know me just kind of think of it as more serious then it is... and we hang out with his friends all the time and they make no fuss about it, either way.

His mom told me that when she had asked to meet me... he had said that we weren't in a hurry and I'm not. But I do feel there is no way this can go anywhere, because I pulled the trigger too fast and said things I know now isn't true.

And of course with FwB it prob isn't that uncommon that one falls for the other, and what I've honestly realized is that I can't really keep this going the way it is, because there is no sense of direction and there is too much insecurity (at least for my sake)

TAL: as for risk taking... I like that you like that, I do to. ;)

[liz28]

I guess if things doesn't work out with me and my fiancé I should move to Norway. Hehe! Just a thought!

Every couple move at their own pace and I think your pace with your boyfriend is weird at all. I rather move slow than fast any day.

[roxypox]

Hehe yeah maybe you should ;)

Yeah I guess so ;) Lol, I think everything about me is fast; I talk fast, move fast, walk fast...

PS Liz: Love your signature!

[Gemini54]

Actually i see it differently lol i guess its personal opinion.

I think its better to never loved at all, than be loved and lost.

Oh no! My heart breaks for you.

I've loved and lost and have NEVER regretted the experience. Being in love is too wonderful to not experience it.

[Survivor07]

Oh no! My heart breaks for you.

I've loved and lost and have NEVER regretted the experience. Being in love is too wonderful to not experience it.

His broken heart is still fresh... he'll change his mind. I have faith in him.

It's always better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. WHY?

Experience.

[roxypox]

Gemini, survivor: I do actually agree! But of course when a heart ache is still fresh it's a little difficult to image that it is better.

[trmpldonagn]

Hey Roxy girl! How you doin'? Geees, I also agree with them but boy isn't it true that when you're in the midst of it, it feels like it's (the pain) never going to go away. It's almost too painful right? I know this is a stupid comparison BUT... whenever I have a pet, I am so tormented for the day to come when they will... well leave. But I feel good knowing I gave them so much love and a happy home. K, wait,. this has nothing to do with the subject. I just know I don't like pain. None of us do. I wish I could take away yours and everone else's. Basically, I am with you more than you know. And these other guys really are too. I want to keep posted on this because it's helping me also. Be well!

And P.S. Yes, it makes sense to be between charmed and in love!

[none12345]

His broken heart is still fresh....he'll change his mind. I have faith in him.

It's always better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. WHY?

Experience.

Thanks Survivy! I think that is how I will feel one day and just look back and think of it as a good thing. Im starting to actually. =P

[none12345]

Gemini, survivor: I do actually agree! But of course when a heart ache is still fresh its a little difficult to image that it is better.

Stop the pain, roxypox. Think about it this way, if you told him how you feel, the worst thing he will said is he doesn't feel the same but what about the best thing? With the answer you get from him, you can use it to see where you go from there with him.

I've learned that positive thinking can come a long way, it will turn out the way you picture it whether if its with him or someone else.

[roxypox]

I did something horrible today. I acted like a HUGE B***H.

A couple of hours ago I called and asked if I could come by real quick and get some of my dvds, because I have my mom and dads house to myself so I want to watch some movies and chill.

He said: really... okay I'm at home the rest of the day. We're having a BBQ later and some beers if you want to stay.

So I walked over to his house went inside and got my movies, he asked me: are you taking all of your movies? Me: yes, I don't know which one to watch and what if I change my mind and I leave some here?

He was in a really good mood when I came. I was in a terrible mood. He tried to kiss me, I just pulled away, and he asked me why and I said I no reason, I'm just really tired and in a terrible mood. I told him, half laughing at, that if you want something you should just try to pick someone up if you guys go out later. You're not getting any here, not today.

He said: well why would I do that? Besides it isn't that easy, not that many interesting girls out there...

By the time I left he was in a really bad mood. I'm just so stupid. He also asked me how long I'm staying... if I go back tomorrow night or on Monday morning and I said prob Monday morning. I'm going to stay at my moms house till then. Easier that way... (of course I said this so he couldn't ask me to sleep over. B/c I usually do that on sundays and then he drives me to the bus on Monday morning)... and I won't see him until at least 2 weeks from now... because he is going on a trip.

I called him on my way home and apologized for being crabby, though... but I don't know. I think I just totally went into a zone this morning where I have decided to break things of with him. I'm even at the point where I only half care what he feels or thinks about it and if he gets sad... well too darn bad. I think the moment I started to consider the out come I started to let go...

[roxypox]

Stop the pain, roxypox. Think about it this way, if you told him how you feel, the worst thing he will said is he doesnt feel the same but what about the best thing? With the answer you get from him, you can use it to see where you go from there with him.

I've learned that positive thinking can come a long way, it will turn out the way you picture it whether if its with him or someone else.

I have to say I'm not really feeling any pain right now... I meant like in general when it feels that way ;)

Have to say that I'm more conflicted.

[talaniman]

That's what all relationships are about, conflicting feelings, moods, and attitudes, that have to be resolved.

As long as they are from an honest place its all good. (you could have taken the time to explain it to him, as we men don't have a clue) but you will have to be willing to communicate your feelings in an honest way sooner or later.

For now though, some distance doesn't hurt at all, as sometimes we want those resolution to our problems, right now, but it seldom happens that way. Irritating I know.

[roxypox]

Yeah, I kind of hoped that he wouldn't have a clue. I don't think he does.

Yeah, its hard not to resolve this right away. I like doing things right away. But on the bright side, I have taken a long napp. And I think it did some good. So I'm not crabby anymore and I think I gained some patience at least.

[chuff]

He said: well why would I do that? besides it isn't that easy, not that many interesting girls out there....

Hint. HINT. THIS IS A HINT! IT CAN NOT BE ANY MORE CLEAR

I called him on my way home and apologized for being crabby, though.... but i don't know. I think I just totally went into a zone this morning where I have decided to break things of with him. I'm even at the point where I only half care what he feels or thinks about it and if he gets sad.... well too darn bad.

Did I completely miss something here?

The other day you debating on if you should tell him you like him, I believe he likes you and now your going to self sabatoge and then take him down with you and you don't even care how he feels about it?

What am I missing here?

[roxypox]

You are missing the debts of insanity that goes of in my head once in a while like a time bomb...

I have a way to distance myself from all emotional things. Good and bad... today I did it and once I realized that I was self sabotaging, which took surprisingly long time to be honest, I tried to erect what I've done... He shouldn't suffer because I have issues... Its like I go into a mode where I become like a machine and in this situation a very destructive one... crazy, plain crazy

Yes, you are right Chuff, as always... it really is a hint... and yes, I'm trying to take him down with me. Subconsciously, but you're right. Gosh that sounds horrible, it is horrible!

[roxypox]

Any tips how to avoid self sabotage and keep a clear head? I guess I can try very very hard to be conscious about it?

[chuff]

Self Sabotage is a protection mechinism in your brain that causes you to act out in a in a way that makes no logical sense. But the brain runs on emotions not logic, and emotionally you like this guy and you are afraid if you admit that to him this could be over, because of the rules you two made. So instead of going through with the action that might be painful you are going around it and breaking it off with him so that you can avoid the pain of rejection. The pain of rejection is worse then the pain of the actual separation, so you just planted the seeds of separation.

Your brain has protected itself, like the brain of any animal is designed to do. Unfortunately, the fact that you have overlooked is, he never rejected you, and while I maybe wrong, from what you right on this thread, I think he's just as much into you as you are him. You both made these ridicules rules and now you are both handcuffed to them. It's time you took the step and unlock the handcuffs. You need to tell him the truth. This relationship is based on a stupid premise and it can go nowhere because that premise is a lie. So you have to stand up for yourself and tell him you fell for him. If he doesn't feel the same way you will then deal with the rejection you are trying to avoid. But that rejection will actually make you stronger so that next time you might not practice self sabotage because you've faced it and lived it down.

This relationship needs some truth injected into about a month ago. He may not be your boyfriend, but from what you write he's never done anything to purposely disrespect you, and I believe that means he deserves the truth. You owe it to YOURSELF to give it him. If you can continue to lie to yourself, then your going to continue on with these mixed feelings and acting out in ways that do not make any sense or support your cause. Your cause here is not the relationship, but a healthy emotional outlook instead of a cloudly, confusing one. If he rejects you, you have a solid concrete answer, and a reason to move forward. But your emotional health will actually be better because you will have a solid reason to move forward and not play the"what if's" games going back in forth in your mind now so you will be emotionlly healthier even if you have rejection pain temporarily. If he does not reject you, you have an opportunity to get rid of the old rules and create new healthy ones that make sense for both you and will be more productive for your own emotional health.

[roxypox]

WOW! Its hard to answer you last Post chuff, mostly because its so on and so true and filled with an insight that is undeniable and unquestionable... Thank you! Really!

Sometimes I need to be pulled back in towards what I know should be done. I knew it this morning and then I just backed out of the thought and create awful new ones.

Rejection isn't that hard once I've been rejected. Then its over and its done. Its more the time before I might be rejected that's hard.

Once again Chuff, thanks!