[Rachael2107]

DAMN!! I had no idea this was such a problem! I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 29 and I'm lucky if we have sex every 1 to 2 weeks. I'm so frustrated because before we started sleeping together he would say things like he was a very sexual person so he would want to have sex with me every day, maybe six times a day... (he never pushed me to have sex however... we just talked about it from time to time) plus, I know (because we're very open with each other) that in his previous relationship they had sex every day, and he hated the girl! He said their relationship was entirely physical because she just didn't know how to communicate. She even cheated on him several times but he stayed with her because they had two kids together... and he STILL had sex with her every day! I don't understand. He tries to tell me that he's out of shape some and that he wants so much more with me than physical so sex isn't on his mind so much, but I keep getting my feelings hurt and feeling frustrated because, for instance, I'll stay with him a whole weekend, or even longer sometimes, and we'll have sex like once, if that. I feel like I always have to initiate it or that I have to warm him up. I REALLY really wish he would get more aggressive with me and that he would do things to warm me up. We do have oral sex from time to time, but usually he just kisses me some and then goes straight for "it"... He's the only person I've ever slept with so I think that compounds it. I'm more attached and I had all these misconceptions about having sex all night, the guy initiating it, etc. so now I feel like something is wrong with me or something... I've been going through here and it actually seems really common, which I didn't know. What do y'all think of what I've said? Does it sound like there's a problem with him or us and he's just not being honest?

[JoeCanada76]

Why not share your desires with him. COMMUNICATE with him.

You know what. Relationships are not just about the physical. He is right and I agree, but it has to be give and take.

You need to share with him your concerns. Tell him what you would like. He will not know if you do not tell him.

How long have you been together for?

[liz28]

It seems like your boyfriend was very honest with you regarding his low sex drive.

He told you he is out of shape so maybe you should push him to exercise. Maybe once he gets back in shape his sex drive will pick up.

Next he told you he has a lot on his mind did you ask him to elaborate? Maybe he might have issues your unaware of and when a person has a lot on their mind it can interfere with their sex drive. Would you want to have sex with someone while their mind is else where? He might be stressed, just a thought.

His sex low drive doesn't mean something is wrong with you or he doesn't cares about you or doesn't find you attractive. He have problems so you need to listen to what he is telling you and ask him exactly what is bothering him so this can eliminate the guessing.

In the meantime invest in some toys to fulfill your sexual appetite. Communication and compromise goes a long way.

[nikosmom]

The fact that he mentioned he's out of shape may say something about where is mind is. Funny thing- men can be self-conscious about their bodies just like women. So he may be holding back because he's embarrassed about his body. Just throwing something out there.

As the others have said, talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling. Reassure him of how much you love him (men need that too). Tell him how beautiful he is to you. Often women forget to tell their partner that he's attractive. He'd appreciate the reassurance and at least make him more open to discuss it with you.

[jenniepepsi]

Also take in to consideration his age. If I remember correctly from what my doctor told me (someone correct my numbers if I'm wrong)

Boys start their sexual peak at 18-25
While women start their peak at 25-40

This isn't the strict LAW on this, but its possible he is starting to decline simply because that is how his body works.

:) just a thought. All other answers are excellent advice. I just thought I would point this out .

[Rachael2107]

I just went back and read everything that I said and I realized how off I was in the way I said some things. All of that has been on my mind a lot and really is bothering me; however, we had an issue the night that I wrote that, thus my intensity. I totally understand some things affecting him and I certainly don't want to sound like I'm all about sex, because I never even had it until I was 23, but I started thinking about it so much because we began having more and more issues. We do need to communicate more on that subject and several others, but one of the main things that I know, but it's hard to face, is that I need to work on myself. I've become so distracted by all these different things that I've stopped working on me and I've become a at times to be around, and I hate that! And I've stopped romancing him, thus he has stopped romancing me. I guess I'm trying to say please learn from me that you always need to work on bettering yourself, so make sure you don't try to find yourself or try to find any type of validation in a person or merely in shallow and/or physical things. Another thing is that when I came into our relationship naïve and young I didn't fully comprehend how much baggage he really did have, especially since he felt he didn't have any. He's an awesome guy, and is very caring, but I don't think any person would come out of something like that and be whole and completely ready to give of themselves again for some time. He has a ton to work on, as do I. All of this is really hard to admit and is even harder to put into action! I'm just saying though that I think most relational issues have more to do with ourselves than the other person. Obviously this is not always the case, or it's often a mixture of both parties; however, the main point I'm trying to make is I think we can become so focused on things that aren't really the issue, become y, and then blame our partner just because it's way easier than taking responsibility for our emotions/REACTIONS and how we need to work on what is causing the pain and problems in our lives. I've been with him over a year and I'm just ready to face the real issues in my life, and he really isn't one of them. No, he's not perfect, as I said, and he needs a lot of healing in his heart, and sometimes he hurts my feelings, etc. but I need to focus on being a better me. I've been thinking a lot lately and important people in my life have begun speaking some sense into me that is helping to wake me up. Enough said. I just wanted to share some of these realizations...