I just went back and read everything that I said and I realized how off I was in the way I said some things. All of that has been on my mind a lot and really is bothering me; however, we had an issue the night that I wrote that, thus my intensity. I totally understand some things affecting him and I certainly don't want to sound like I'm all about sex, because I never even had it until I was 23, but I started thinking about it so much because we began having more and more issues. We do need to communicate more on that subject and several others, but one of the main things that I know, but it's hard to face, is that I need to work on myself. I've become so distracted by all these different things that I've stopped working on me and I've become a at times to be around, and I hate that! And I've stopped romancing him, thus he has stopped romancing me. I guess I'm trying to say please learn from me that you always need to work on bettering yourself, so make sure you don't try to find yourself or try to find any type of validation in a person or merely in shallow and/or physical things. Another thing is that when I came into our relationship naïve and young I didn't fully comprehend how much baggage he really did have, especially since he felt he didn't have any. He's an awesome guy, and is very caring, but I don't think any person would come out of something like that and be whole and completely ready to give of themselves again for some time. He has a ton to work on, as do I. All of this is really hard to admit and is even harder to put into action! I'm just saying though that I think most relational issues have more to do with ourselves than the other person. Obviously this is not always the case, or it's often a mixture of both parties; however, the main point I'm trying to make is I think we can become so focused on things that aren't really the issue, become y, and then blame our partner just because it's way easier than taking responsibility for our emotions/REACTIONS and how we need to work on what is causing the pain and problems in our lives. I've been with him over a year and I'm just ready to face the real issues in my life, and he really isn't one of them. No, he's not perfect, as I said, and he needs a lot of healing in his heart, and sometimes he hurts my feelings, etc. but I need to focus on being a better me. I've been thinking a lot lately and important people in my life have begun speaking some sense into me that is helping to wake me up. Enough said. I just wanted to share some of these realizations...
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