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Momamel · May 15, 2009, 04:10 PM

My son is 4 1/2 and is so out of control I don't know what to do with him. At times he can be as sweet as can be, but 99% of the time, he is talking back, hitting my husband and I, throwing things or doing something we just told him not to do. If we tell him he can't have any cookies, he will wait until I leave the room and drag a chair to the counter and get the cookies himself. I have resorted to putting everything up on top of the refrigerator to keep them away from him. Tell him "no" and he goes into a fit of rage throwing himself to the floor, hitting his 5 month old baby brother, throwing things across the room, etc. We have tried everything from time-out, spanking, ignoring the bad and praising the good, taking away toys eve THROWING away toys. I will send him to his room and he will destroy it. He will rip the sheets off the bed, throw movies and toys everywhere and pull all his clothing out of his dresser. We are at our whits end and I'm seriously starting to think he is possessed. Any advice would be so helpful.

JoeCanada76 · May 15, 2009, 07:42 PM

Originally Posted by Momamel

My son is 4 1/2 and is so out of control I don't know what to do with him. At times he can be as sweet as can be, but 99% of the time, he is talking back, hitting my husband and I, throwing things or doing something we just told him not to do. If we tell him he can't have any cookies, he will wait until I leave the room and drag a chair to the counter and get the cookies himself. I have resorted to putting everything up on top of the refrigerator to keep them away from him. Tell him "no" and he goes into a fit of rage throwing himself to the floor, hitting his 5 month old baby brother, throwing things across the room, etc. We have tried everything from time-out, spanking, ignoring the bad and praising the good, taking away toys eve THROWING away toys. I will send him to his room and he will destroy it. He will rip the sheets off the bed, throw movies and toys everywhere and pull all his clothing out of his dresser. We are at our whits end and I'm seriously starting to think he is possessed. Any advice would be so helpful.

First of all, I doubt he is obsessed at all.
How much quality time does he get with both parents?
Kids are kids, they are always challenging and always trying to push the envelope.
Spanking makes things worse in my opinion. I never spank.
Never ignore the bad, your just giving him the idea that it is well and okay to act that way.
Yes praise him when he does things well and good.
Consistency is very important.
No demands but are you actually giving your son choices. Are you letting him make up his mind about different things. Give him options but still be a parent.
I would also like to add, that there may be jealousy issues if you do not include him in the process of helping with the new baby.
Is there any type of counseling you could seek and also for your son. Just to give ideas on how to improve this transition.
I am sure things will work out. Just remember it is all in the approach, both partners need to be consistent and on the same page.
Remember No is not always good, but giving the child the freedom to chose and let him make his choices between things that you chose for him.
Never ignore the bad and my suggestion is that you are trying to hard. Hope just by reading this will give you some ideas. Since I am not there, it is hard to direct. Write to the Nanny show, see if you can get a visit.

Joe

Blueisthecolor · Feb 23, 2011, 08:42 AM

Hi,

I have a challenging child as well, and I can really sympathize. I would highly recommend you find this book at the library, it has been life-saving advice for us:

Taming the spirited child : strategies for parenting challenging children without breaking their spirits / Michael H. Popkin, PH.D.

The author defines "spirited" as a child who is "more everything": persistent, sensitive, energetic etc...
These kids have, in fact, potential but they require "special handling". Also, maybe a group of other parents with challenging kids would be of help. Only those who are going through this can understand, and not all kids are this hard to raise. Best of luck.

A mom