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talaniman · May 14, 2009, 04:42 PM

I think It goes deeper than that. I think you may be one of those guys who falls hard, to fast. Before you know more about them.

trmpldonagn · May 15, 2009, 01:12 AM

Talaniman, I see why you have status of "expert". Thank you for all of your input. Sincerely.
Inertia, keep this thread going if you will because it is very very interesting. I agree with you also. I am also learning some new things for myself. Thanks and you hang in there. I think maybe you're stronger and wiser than you believe. If I am wrong, my apologies.

inertia · May 15, 2009, 08:36 AM

Actually I didn't fall for my last exgf until after a year of dating, but I did fall hard when I did. I'm not speaking from a painful place. I'm speaking from an observational place. I see this behavior everywhere. I'm no player none. I have actually spent most of my days alone on this planet (by choice). I have a lot of integrity in relationships. I know "some" people are good. I just feel as though "most" aren't. I'm naturally pretty protective of myself, but even when you think you know someone... you can be surprised.

talaniman · May 15, 2009, 09:13 AM

I think many who are looking for something, tend to focus those desires on the one that is there. That's why, dating more than one at a time, keeps you from becoming so attached, that its hard to see reality sometimes, and when we do, its hard to switch directions.

That's why I have a rule for you,

Talaniman Rule #62- Date them all, and give your gut enough info, to make a good choice, where you would like to focus your attentions

I think exclusively dating one person after just meeting them, is a disaster waiting to happen, and distracts you needlessly from all the options, and opportunities, life presents you.

A few dates is not a commitment, nor should it be.

inertia · May 15, 2009, 09:15 AM

I'm a very deliberate thinker (should be obvious by my posts). I test the waters before I jump in. I'm smart enough to know that past behavior of an individual usually repeats itself. I wouldn't date someone who just got out of a relationship. I definitely wouldn't date someone who is in a relationship. I never thought the last ex would pull the stunts she pulled. When she did, I walked away going NC immediately. Haven't looked back except to ask myself what indications of her behavior I missed. I'm still pretty sure I was truly blindsided. I continue to see this behavior in so many people. I'm losing faith in humanity. "Do what makes you happy no matter the consequences" seems to be the modern mantra. I was raised a bit differently I guess.

inertia · May 15, 2009, 09:20 AM

I totally agree Talaniman. Until the relationship is physically consecrated, you should play the field. Once you become intimate, it's time to make a choice though. Either end the recently christened relationship or end the stragglers.

inertia · May 15, 2009, 09:24 AM

I maybe guilty of placing pressure on those I date though. If I'm not the obvious first choice, I don't waste my time. This mentality tends to put girls in a position to either drop the others or drop me. My odds have been pretty good, thus making this a pretty effective way of having girls commit to me. Maybe that's my problem.

talaniman · May 15, 2009, 09:26 AM

"Do what makes you happy no matter the consequences"

Be happy, no matter what life throws at you.

I'm a very deliberate thinker

So am I but will take calculated risks, and have a very fun loving attitude.

My single days where about friends, and good times, whether there was a chance for romance or not.

Rejection, failure, and disappointments are just parts of life, but no reason not to pursue your own happiness, within your own boundaries of course.

Females that are fresh from a relationship, are good dinner partners too. Some can even bowl. You just have to know yourself enough to know what your own limits are, and what you expect, as opposed to what is.

If you have read any of my other many posts, you will find its seldom about the actions of others, but your own that matter.

inertia · May 15, 2009, 09:32 AM

I have never spent as much time studying relationships and love as I have over the past 8 months or so. Having a love interest has never been a priority in my life. Despite having GF's along the way, I never put that much into them (and I never sought them out). I guess now, I'm trying to understand their nature a bit more (including my own nature). Talaniman, I have lost a lot of my lightheartedness over the past few years. I need to get that back (and I'm working on it). I do appreciate your advice. You make an excellent mentor and I always enjoy reading your pithy posts.