[Rich48]

It'd been 8 days of NC before she created another FB account (I'd blocked her proper one) thanking me for writing her a cv & covering letter as she'd now got the job she really wanted (this was written by me pre breakup) and would I like to meet for coffee...

Now me being the novice (& still totally in love with her) says yeah great, we got into a conversation and tells me she's been out with another guy twice and he's got a better house than me, a car and more money but she prefers me just with his material things!

I swear she loved me about a month ago and now this? I was struggling big time anyway & that's really not going to help.

As man why didn't I keep to no contact?

[none12345]

Because its really common for people to break NC the first time around thinking there is still hope, well you've learned it the hard way and don't break it this time! Don't prolong your healing process anymores.

[Rich48]

The bit that gets me is how quick she's moved on. Something like 14 days and 2 meetings with a new fella, & one of those weekends she'd have got her 2 kids so. This can't be normal can it?

[none12345]

The bit that gets me is how quick she's moved on. Something like 14 days and 2 meetings with a new fella, & one of those weekends she'd have got her 2 kids so. This can't be normal can it?

She is probably desperate or just using him to fill her lonliness. It could have started before even you guys broke up. You never know. Actually its pretty normal, people move on with other people just like that, it just indicates she wasn't so into you as you thought she was.

[Survivor07]

It also indicates she lacks compassion and maturity.

Once time has past and you have clarity, you will see how very mean her comments were and totally unnecessary.

She is self-centered and not ready for a mature relationship.

You are better off without her. Continue with REAL NC and you will discover that on your own and heal. Best wishes.

[Triysle]

It also indicates she lacks compassion and maturity.

Once time has past and you have clarity, you will see how very mean her comments were and totally unnecessary.

She is self-centered and not ready for a mature relationship.

You are better off without her. Continue with REAL NC and you will discover that on your own and heal. Best wishes.

Absolutely, I was going to rep you but I can't yet again, lol.

Yes, it's common for people to move on that fast. The details may or may not have been intended to be hurtful to you, but the fact is she was looking for a rebound guy.

Don't take it personal. In fact, you have every right to laugh in her face and tell her to leave you the hell alone ;)

~ Tee

[liz28]

She is trying to make you jealous and put you down. Don't listen to what she has to say. Move on completely and stop paying attention to her words because believe me she knows what she is doing and probably laughing at you because she knows it hurt you.

Stop entertaining her comments and move on!

[chuff]

The bit that gets me is how quick she's moved on. Something like 14 days and 2 meetings with a new fella, & one of those weekends she'd have got her 2 kids so. This can't be normal can it?

Well it is quite normal. She left the relationship emotionally before she did physically so she was ready to move on before she told you. The new guy came along and she jumped at the chance. As for all his nice things, OJ Simpson had a those things to, and he's in prison so that does't really matter. Plus it says a lot about the golddigger.

[jman123h]

Okay, you broke NC one time. Now learn from this, and don't do it again. I made the mistake to break it 5 times. And every time it was the same thing. With a lot of I don't know's, maybes, not sures. She just wants to feel the comfort of someone who loves her, because she thinks and definitely definitely wants you to be there as her support whenever she wants because it's comfortable, but she doesn't want the relationship again. I thought my girl would never leave me man.. then for four months I was toyed with and she would never take me back. Get NC, get on with life, there will be better days.

[Romefalls19]

I'm going to tell you something, you will break no contact again. I'll be honest, I broke NC 3 times before I got too angry and kept it up for 5 months. After about 2 months, the anger subsided but I was so used to not talking to my ex, I didn't care to talk to her to break NC. I actually lost track of the days I spent in NC until she mentioned it. She came up to me and said(after I healed and moved on) "So it's been 5 months, are you ever going to forgive me and talk to me" and we had a conversation, mostly filled with awkward pauses and out of place laughs. It was like talking to a stranger, because after 5 months of not talking to someone I had talked to for everyday for 2 and 1/2 years, that's exactly what she had become.

So don't get discouraged, she left this relationship emotionally a while ago(like Chuff said) and that's why it's easier for her to move on so quickly. Pick up the broken pieces and march on again, DO NOT break NC again, you see the pain it causes

[talaniman]

Reality of breaking NC

You will be,
CONFUSED
USED
ABUSED

And very distracted by someone else's nonsense.

[Rich48]

Thanks guys. I'm having the good n not so good days but the above posts always give me some perspective. I've re read some of her messages, she's such a stupid frickin cow! Done so much for her and all she wants Is hurt me?

Still not sure why? I agree and understand the above posts and peeps move on but to purposely contact me to tell me. She must have panicked because I told her goodluck & goodbye so she quickly changed conversation to tell me that...

What a!

[chuff]

she's such a stupid frickin cow!! Done so much for her and all she wants Is hurt me?

I don't even know her and I agree. I just met you last night and I already know you can do better then a cow so hold yourself to that standard... even when you feel like breaking remind yourself your stronger then a cow.

I'll be back after lunch, I'm going to get a hamburger.

You know I just thought about this a hamburger has no ham. Something to think about.

Yes, this is really how my mind works.

[Romefalls19]

Good question, why is it called a hamburger


Darn you Chuff!

[Rich48]

Threads merged


Been split from my ex for 24 days now, had 8 days nc till she broke it and slipped in the message she'd been out with a guy twice because she has to move on (wft she telling me for?)

She was a proper catch and I love her but she's treated me pretty bad this last few weeks. Anyway I am and have been in bits. Eating & sleeping is starting to make a return now but pretty much heartbroken

I was in love with the same kind of intensity about 15 years ago, again totally besotted with her (I've had other relationships including the mother of my son who I was with for 7 years but didn't fall like these 2 occasions) and that crippled me.

I was sick, I've never known depression like it. It's all a haze really but what I do remember is my attempts to take my own life. 2 overdoses (the 1st I was so drunk I just threw them back up - the 2nd I woke and felt so damn ill. I managed to get into work but they sent me straight home... I was green)

The 3rd and 4th I tried to hang myself. Used to go to sleep appreciating the song I listened to was my last song because I'd get up to do it... (Got disturbed both times btw)

Guess the reason for my post is that I've lived to experience a love as strong as the 1st... Asked me at the time and I'd have laughed in your face but I did and I will again

I know it seems impossible to believe at the moment but time is the key and you will come out of this ready to live & love again with same intensity (if not more) that you/I have just lost

God bless

[I wish]

You got to keep up the no contact. Forget what she says. Block her out so that you don't get updates from her that will hurt you like that. You don't need that stuff to hurt your recovery progress.

You guys aren't part of each other's lives anymore, so it doesn't matter she does anymore. Don't let her play mind games on you like that either. Be strong!

[kctiger]

While I understand your post is meant to inspire those in a time of desperation, I have to wonder if you yourself are all right. You tried to kill yourself multiple times, which, in my opinion, means HEAVY depression, usually only treatable by a doctor of some sort. I hope you are taking the steps necessary to move on with your life, and to also realize that your child needs his father there. I don't mean to preach, I just hope you have come a long way since you last tried to take your life.

My friend recently hung himself, and I am not sure if the people that do that sort of thing realize how much pain they cause the people around them. I am not here to judge, and I am fully aware that depression is a disease, for which I hope you are seaking the proper treatment.

[Rich48]

It's cool, I got over that (without a doctor) through time but it was the darkest time. I've not been depressed for 15 years.

She did me a favour telling me that. It finally meant closure. Were done and I'm all better & have been for many years

Thank your concern though and yeah NC is the way (the created another fb account as I'd blocked her proper one - just have to delete and not read if I get another

[Romefalls19]

Stay off those sites man, they are the devil. I did it while I went NC

[Rich48]

More merged threads, will it ever end??


Hi all

It's complicated so I'll make it brief...

My xgf moved 100 miles with her 2 kids from Oxford to live close to me so we could have a proper relationship. After 10 mnths of pretty much living together (I own my own home but spend little time there) she split us up. Until then we had a very passionate loving relationship.. I mean VERY passionate

The reasons were many, the stress of moving, settling kids into new schools, leaving all her family & friends all took it's toll as did this economic downturn. I was made redundant and struggled to find a job (I start my new one next Monday) and she is still looking for term job to fit around the school holidays. Also her bulimia has made a return due to all the stress

Another reason we split is a truth issue, I told some silly little lies that have been uncovered to make me sound better (told her I rented a house rather than lived at my parents whilst my mortgage was going through an other stupid stuff)... I know truth is the basis of all relationships but we have discussed this and it's not the main reason to end it.

We have now been split for a mnth with minimal contact (@ my request even through he keeps breaking it)

The probem is my sweet mother... She knows my ex and they get along great. She asked whenever I see her have I had any communication so I tell her the truth. My mind works like this - I know I messed up, I pretty much know it's over an nc is the way forward to heal & forget

My mum version is give her time but don't cut all contact, she's travelled all this way to make a life with you and I think she'll see sense. During a conversation with me & my ex she told me she had activally joined a dating site and had been out with a bloke twice (she'll have no problem with suitors, she a stunning looking girl) but just wishes he was me but can't trust me anymore) all she wants is me. I've let mum read my messages (a shoulder to cry on if you like) and she's convinced all my ex is doing is trying to hurt me, she doesn't even think it's true... Who knows

It didn't take much encouragement from mum to get me to see her way of thinking but the moment leave her vicinity I'm back thinking it's not going to work... I love this girl, I'm changing for the better (for myself) so I'm taking something positive out of this but would love another chance at us

My question is is gut instinct right? Or is mums women's intuition right? They have spoken and I don't know the full extent of their conversation

I either want to heal of get back and so far the general feeling I get from my ex are mixed signals, from being caring to matter of fact

What should I do? Any of you relationship experts? Thank you