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lexi1028 · May 13, 2009, 08:30 AM

i was with this guy off and on for about 3 years. every time we split up, it was his choice. i swore to myself i wouldn't keep taking him back. but this last time, which occured about 4 months ago he told me he had changed, and he loved me and needed me in his life. i believed him. :(

things were going great up until about 2-3 weeks ago when he started to lose interest in general conversation. he wouldn't ask me how my day was, or how anything went. he just didn't care. 2 days ago he told me that he doesn't care about me like he used to. he said he needed some time to "think" and i said ok. i know deep down inside i shouldn't be with him, and actually a part of me doesn't want to be with him. but for some reason i keep going back.

i know he doesn't love me like he says. and i've changed my life for him. and i know i shouldn't have. but i did. and now i'm stuck and don't know what to do. my biggest fear is being alone. and i think that's why i keep going back.

i need help before i'm stuck with someone i know i'm not happy with. please help!

love always,
lexi :)

snow124 · May 13, 2009, 08:38 AM

It's good that you acknowledge deep down that you shouldn't be with him. The problem is getting that to the surface. For that, you need to be objective. If you continue any sort of contact with him, you won't be capable of reaching objectivity. You should go NC and start to heal.

Not wanting to be alone is not enough as a sole reason to continue a relationship. If you stay with this guy, it's going to be an endless cycle of on and off again. If you leave him, you'll be upset for awhile until you start to realize how he wasn't good to you. You have a choice between indefinite heartbreak and disappointment and temporary heartbreak and later opening yourself to the possibilities of a relationship where you're treated deservingly.

Homegirl 50 · May 13, 2009, 08:46 AM

Honey being alone and a bit unhappy for a while is better than being unhappy with someone. Being alone is not a bad thing, that time can be used to find out who you are and why you felt the need to stay miserable with someone.
Ask yourself why you should continue to stay involved with someone who does not want you. Re read your question over and over until you realize that it is time for you to move on.

taoplr · May 13, 2009, 09:12 AM

Originally Posted by lexi1028

my biggest fear is being alone.
love always

Along with dumping this guy, who strikes me as a cold manipulator, take some time to practice being alone. If you do this until you are completely comfortable, your relationships for the rest of your life will be much better, more secure, more real. Go to movies by yourself. Go out to dinner alone. Spend some evenings at home without calling anybody. Listen to your thoughts. Reflect on being alive. Deepen yourself and you can bring that deeper self to your next relationship.

I wish · May 13, 2009, 12:20 PM

I think you've grown really dependent on him. Breaking up is never easy. And on and off relationships will make you continuously wonder when's the next time you're going to get "on" again.

But the fact is, you've broken up so many times and there's a reason you broke up each time. You shouldn't torture yourself like this. Even if you get back together, who knows when's the next time he will decide to break up.

I think your best bet is to break off completely and spend some time making yourself a stronger person, instead of letting someone play around with your emotions.

superk · May 13, 2009, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by lexi1028

i need help before i'm stuck with someone i know i'm not happy with. please help!lexi :)

Don't do this to someone as you felt how it was like to be somewhat "used". Start picking up the pieces together by yourself. Go NC-on both.

bre2011 · Dec 5, 2010, 07:40 PM

I was kind of on/off with my a boyfriend that just broke up with me about 3 months ago. We dated for 3 years and went on a small month long break about a year ago. Best way is to just do no contact. Which, after 3 months of still being close with this guy I finally initiated it. If it is meant to be it will be, if not it is just best to get on with your life and be happy on your own and eventually you will find someone who will treat you better than that.