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hockeypro · May 11, 2009, 03:31 PM

My girlfriend and I have been dating for close to 6 months and have fallen completely in love. Both her and I have had other relationships back in high school but neither of us have felt the way we do now. We are both sophomores in college, which is where we met.

Anyway, her ex-boyfriend of about 2 years from high school (who is also a year younger than her) won't stop contacting her. When her and I first started dating he had a really tough time with it because he thought they were going to get back together. I understand his frustration but he needed to move on. She broke up with him about 4 months prior to us meeting because he treated her terrible and the only reason he called her was because he wanted to know what she was doing. She heard from several other people that he had cheated on her as well.

Needless to say, her and I fell in love and have been happy with each other. About a month ago he texted her saying "Hey, just wanted to know how you were doing." and she didn't reply. She wants nothing to do with him and would like to never speak to or see him again. He sent her the same message the next day to which she didn't respond. Two days after that he sent her a message saying "Ok well I hope you're doing good." and again, she didn't respond.

Today at her work (she works as a window teller in a bank) he filled out a deposit slip and sent it through the vacuum tube. As a bank policy, they have to send something back asking them to sign to verify everything. When she said "Sign the slip" he said "hey, how are you doing?" she said "good, sign it and send it back please, you're holding up traffic" he said "okay, I'll call you later."

After she got off work she went tanning and noticed a voicemail from him. He asked her if she wanted to grab lunch sometime. She called me right after and asked what she should do since she didn't want to talk to him or have any kind of contact with him. So, she asked me to send him a message on Facebook. This is what it said:

Hi,

You probably know who am I by now. I heard about what happened at the bank today and your run in with *****. I don't care that you go to her bank but I want to let you know that I do have a problem with you wanting to grab a bite to eat. ***** does not want to talk to you, see you, or have any other type of contact with you. Do not text her, do not call her, do not ask to hang out. She does not want anything to do with you. She asked me to write you this because she doesn't want to talk to you at all.

Please respect that and move on.

I'm not trying to be mean or rude, I'm just conveying the message to you. She tried to get the point across by not responding to your previous text messages.

Thanks.

What should I/she do to get the message through that she wants nothing to do with him anymore? Help?

Megan2345 · May 11, 2009, 03:35 PM

She should change her cell phone number

bladerecon · May 11, 2009, 04:15 PM

Well the dude is obviously a stalker. Changing her cell phone number would only solve the texting and calling part of the problem. If she is really annoyed or even scared, she should get a restraining order against him that says, "No Contact" what's so ever. But if you don't want to go the legal route could always enlist the help of some bikers or some local gangs.

ajGambino · May 11, 2009, 04:29 PM

I would have your girlfriend keep doing what she's doing, ignoring him.

As for you, maybe ignoring this as well will help a little. If he constantly gets nothing back from her, he won't be doing it much longer.

snow124 · May 11, 2009, 05:14 PM

I think you sending the message would just make him think that only you didn't want her to have anything to do with him.

She needs to tell him.

I wish · May 11, 2009, 05:38 PM

This could work both ways. I had a friend who talked on behalf of a girlfriend before and then the guy back off completely.

I think your message is very respectable, but it's better if it come from her.

If she really doesn't want to communicate with him, then she should just keep doing what she's doing. Eventually the guy will give up trying. Sending the message is the hope that he will give up sooner.

hockeypro · May 11, 2009, 06:38 PM

Originally Posted by snow124

I think you sending the message would just make him think that only you didn't want her to have anything to do with him.

She needs to tell him.

That's why I said in there that she didn't want to talk to him and that's why I was messaging him.

Hopefully it will stop at this and we can move on from it.

Romefalls19 · May 12, 2009, 05:20 AM

You shouldn't be getting involved You're girlfriend is a big girl, she can handle it all on her own, if he gets nasty, then you step in. Simply have her text him saying "I'm not interested in being in contact with you, please respect my wishes and move on"

It's very simple, getting involved at these early stages is only going to create conflict between you two.

andrea_louise · May 12, 2009, 08:21 PM

Don't write him a message it will let him think that you are afraid to talk to him however
If I were you what I would do is call him from your girlfriends phone because no doubt he will pick up, be firm with him tell him you are her boyfriend and you want the harassment to stop and that its really upsetting your girlfriend, if he still keeps it up threaten by getting the cops involved.

In the meantime get the number changed.

ajGambino · May 12, 2009, 08:32 PM

Just ignore him.

Do not play his game.

End this thing by ignoring him.

friend4u178 · May 12, 2009, 08:37 PM

Like the others have said Ignore him , its really that simple because eventually he will get sick of putting the effort in for no return.

IWHO · May 12, 2009, 08:53 PM

Originally Posted by ajGambino

I would have your girlfriend keep doing what she's doing, ignoring him.

As for you, maybe ignoring this as well will help a little. If he constantly gets nothing back from her, he won't be doing it much longer.

Gambino is getting gooooood... I agree with him AGAIN.. lol

You BOTH need to ignore him and he should go away... writing to him on Facebook just gave him a thrill... do "NO CONTACT"!. if he still persists, or interferes with her job, then I would seek legal help... there ARE stalkers in this world... you never know... have her be careful too, coming and going from where ever...

mogdor · May 12, 2009, 09:35 PM

Both of you should just completely ignore him... any attention at all keeps him going, whether it be positive or negative attention. If he still just refuses to give up, I guess you'll have to go with the restraining order.

hockeypro · May 12, 2009, 09:44 PM

Thanks everyone for your input. He has not responded to the message I sent him nor has he attempted to contact her in any way. I think this might be a good indication that he's gone, but you never know..

I will take your advice about ignoring him unless he starts to physically show up and harass her at work (other than required transactions). If that happens I will call him and talk to him personally. If that doesn't work then the law will become involved which should solve everything.

I'd rather not make her go through the trouble of changing her cell phone number just for 1 person. But that may be a possibility should he persist.

You guys were really helpful, thank you.

friend4u178 · May 12, 2009, 09:45 PM

No problem , keep us updated :)

hockeypro · May 12, 2009, 09:52 PM

Wouldn't a restraining order be a little over the top though? I mean, the guy is just asking her how she's doing, but it's annoying. He's not threatening anyone and I think a restraining order might be a little over dramatic.

What should be the limit before she gets a restraining order?

friend4u178 · May 12, 2009, 10:02 PM

I'd cross that bridge if you come to it.

No point worrying about something that may not happen.

mogdor · May 12, 2009, 10:41 PM

Originally Posted by hockeypro

Wouldn't a restraining order be a little over the top though? I mean, the guy is just asking her how she's doing, but it's annoying. He's not threatening anyone and I think a restraining order might be a little over dramatic.

What should be the limit before she gets a restraining order?

If he keeps harassing her at work it could put her job at risk... I'd say that's grounds for a restraining order, I'm sure she wants to stay employed lol.

hockeypro · May 13, 2009, 07:30 AM

All right well... the guy finally responded with:

"come and stop me"

It just shows how immature he is. What now?

Romefalls19 · May 13, 2009, 07:35 AM

Now is when you just simply ignore him, or you could stoop to his level and respond with

"nanana boo boo, I got your girlfriend so stick your head in doo doo"

But please use my first advice