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kitty unrest · May 2, 2009, 09:49 PM

My boyfriend is 33 and I am 31 years old. We have been dating for about 5 months and I have been on birth control for almost 15 years. I take it properly and don't have sex if I'm on antibiotics etc. I am very responsible with regards to having an unplanned pregnancy but my boyfriend won't have sex with me because he's scared I'll get pregnant. I don't understand what his problem is.

sabrewolfe · May 2, 2009, 09:51 PM

Won't he wear a condom?

kitty unrest · May 2, 2009, 09:58 PM

No, but truthfully I haven't thought of that. Our first time having sex I was actaully late a few days taking my pill (I was not with anyone and there was no rush to renew my prescription) and he knew I was not on the pill for a couple of days and he still did not use a condom. Could him saying he's scared to get me pregnant an excuse to just not have sex?

sabrewolfe · May 2, 2009, 10:00 PM

I don't know about that. Ask him to wear one and find out what he says.

kitty unrest · May 2, 2009, 10:04 PM

I think I will bring it up. Thanks for the advice.

sabrewolfe · May 2, 2009, 10:07 PM

You are welcome!

kitty unrest · May 12, 2009, 07:00 AM

I finally had the "talk" with him about not wanting to have sex for fear of getting me pregnant. While this is still true, I've learned about another problem. Though he finds me sexy and attractive, I am "inept in bed" and he is not aroused by me. So. Now I am hurt, embarrassed and self conscience to name a few horrible feelings. I immediately do not want to have any intimacy with him now, I feel anything I would do or do do is being judged and frankly the pressure of having to "perform" makes me want to curl up into a little ball and never have sex again. Well, at least I know now why we arent' having sex. As for the pregnancy thing, he has thought about wearing a condom because for some insane reason he things a pill that it 99.9% effective at preventing prenancy is not good enough.

shazamataz · May 12, 2009, 07:04 AM

I think that says it all really...
It is fine for a guy to 'suggest' things that would make sex better for both of you if he feels you aren't 'good' but what he said was just totally insensitive!
I'm fine when I am doing something sexual with my partner if he says "just trying licking here" or something of the like.
If he ever told me that nah he didn't want sex because I wasn't good at it... I would be out like a flash!

Sadly a lot of people think that about contraception... why do you think 'child support' was invented.

I'm sure you will find someone who appreciated what you can do in bed, not focus on negative things and put you down!

J_9 · May 12, 2009, 07:08 AM

If he is not ready for a child he has every right to be scared. There is no form of birth control that is 100% effective. I have 2 children born while I was on the pill and used it to exact standards.

As a labor and delivery nurse I know that there is no form of birth control that is 100% effective aside from total, complete and absolute abstinence.

smoothy · May 12, 2009, 07:37 AM

We have several members here that had kids while using more than one form of birth control. He has every right to be scared. Nothing is worse than having to pay for a kid with a woman you find out you can't stand. And it does take time to find out if you really like each other... which isn't until the lust has had time to wear off.

shazamataz · May 12, 2009, 07:41 AM

Umm guys...
He said he was fine with having sex with her if she was on the pill but refuses to wear a condom...
This was in her third post.

I do agree that he has a right to be scared about getting her pregnant but personally I think he just doesn't like wearing condoms.

J_9 · May 12, 2009, 07:45 AM

Originally Posted by shazamataz

Umm guys...
He said he was fine with having sex with her if she was on the pill but refuses to wear a condom...
this was in her third post.

I do agree that he has a right to be scared about getting her pregnant but personally I think he just doesn't like wearing condoms.

I agree, but it is also HER right to decline sex if he doesn't wear a condom. It's a two-way street here.

If he doesn't like to wear a condom, she doesn't like to have sex. ;)

smoothy · May 12, 2009, 07:46 AM

I don't like them either... but if I'm single and dating I'd like to catch something far less. Unless you are nmarried and KNOW beyond a doubt the other persons history then wear the raincoat out of self preservation if not for some other reason.

shazamataz · May 12, 2009, 07:48 AM

Very true J_9 and smoothy.

Takes two to tango. I'm sure he would wear one if he was denied sex because of it.
My brain is a little fuddled today sorry :)

kitty unrest · May 12, 2009, 06:07 PM

So my next problem, a lesson in self esteem is needed. How do I attempt to have sex with him when all I can think about is him judging me? How can I be that person that says, "If that wasn't good enough, let me try it again until i get it right!"??

shazamataz · May 12, 2009, 11:20 PM

Just ask him "so how do you like to be touched?"

You could even turn it into a roleplaying game like you are the naughty school girl and he has to teach you about sex.

Another way to find out how a guy likes things is to watch him masturbate, you can learn a lot like speed, pressure, technique...