[IsI-2911]

My husband and I took legal guardianship of a 13 year old (2 1/2 years ago).
The child is now 16 and very unmanageable. He runs away all the time and remains a runaway until caught. This is especially hard to deal w/ because, although it is not illegal for a child to runaway in this state, it is illegal for him to break probation.
I'm getting very burned out and have no energy left for my actual family. How hard would it be for me to back out of this situation completely?
Also, I worry about his biological mother.. . Would she automatically get "stuck" with him, as she so lightly phrases it?
Thank you.
Also, we live in Washington state (I know laws differ from state to state)

[ScottGem]

You need to discuss this with the court or agency that awarded guardianship. Guardianship is not like adoption so it may be easier to get out of. But a lot depends on the terms of why and how guardianship was awarded.

I strongly suggest that you consult an attorney.

P.S. to other readers. This was asked in the Family Law section, therefore any answer needs to deal with the legal issues. I am not happy with someone who takes on responsiblilty for a child then wants to dump that child when the going gets tough. But we don't know the whole story here and this is not the forum for moralizing. So please keep answers to the legal issues.

[IsI-2911]

Thank you. I wasn't sure where to post this.
The situation is a little different than others I read.
My husband and I took this child in because his mom literally didn't want him (he has A LOT of issues). His dad's in prison for life, and this boy is showing A LOT of the same signs his father did.

He has no relation to us AT ALL.. . We did not even know his family until after he had stayed Thanksgiving weekend w/ us and didn't want to return home.

Everyone, his probation officer, my pastor, the people at the psych ward he was in, etc... all say he is a danger to my 2 little children and my husband and I.

I am very upset that I even have to ask these questions. I keep praying that things will work out.
I have been literally dumped from my biological family tree for this child.. . I'm willing to do whatever, and have so far.
I don't regret trying to help him. I love him. He's been part of the family for as long as we've been a family (minus 3 months).

If this state would help us w/ his drug rehab, mental issues, whatever, it would be a lot different. There is nothing for a 16 yr old felon in WA state. The only options available won't except this 16 year old because he's too big a flight risk and, unfortunately, he's 16 so HE has to be the one to willingly go to one of these places.

I do not want to "dump" this child. And, honestly, the "tough goings" have already passed. We went through him threatening to kill us, his meth addiction, his vandalism and theft, all his court dates, etc... It seems to be more of a safety issue now. He keeps trying to kill himself because he hates the fact that his actual family dumped on him.. . I don't want to stoop to that level of being compared to his bios.
I am scared to relinquish rights, if I can. I am afraid for his heart and his safety.. . But at the same time, I feel like I have to worry about our safety and listen to what others are saying.

I would get an attorney, but we are struggling, like a lot of people. I am going to call around Monday and try an find somebody who would help for a low cost.

* The main thing I need to know, is what pack to buy, what papers to fill out, who to speak to, etc...
I did all the legal guardianship papers, and the child's bio mom's divorce papers. I am pretty confident with papers.

[IsI-2911]

p.s.
How we met this child: he came to work with an employee of ours. We called his mother to make sure it was OK. His mother was dating one of my close friends.
Thanksgiving weekend: we didn't know his family, or his mom even, but she let him go to Oregon with us for 5 days. She says she trusted us to take him because her boyfriend had given us good reference.

We took this boy in because he literally refused to go back home. I had started home-schooling him and everything. We signed for guardianship because the liability was too much without AND we had to go through his mom for everything, which was near impossible, even in ER situations or schooling.

[ScottGem]

You posted in the correct place. And I agree your situation is different from others who have posted. Its really kind of complex. Which is why I REALLY think you need an attorney. You might find one who will just advise you what paperwork you need to complete with what agencies. The large part of an attorney's fees are billable hours for filing papers. So if you just need a jump start it might not cost as much.

[cadillac59]

Sometimes what people think is a really complex case is not that complex at all.

This is an interesting legal question: can a guardianship be terminated at the will of the guardian with without cause? You would kind of think so since, as a guardian, you had to petition the court for this appointment, and you had to consent to it. That being so, why can your consent not be withdrawn (I could think of a myriad of reasons that establish good cause for you to have to drop out as guardian: physical or mental disability for example, and on and on)?

Terminating a guardianship over your objection is an entirely different matter. That would require the party seeking the termination show that the reasons for the guardianship no longer exist (in California we've added a best interests component to that). But if all you want to do it back out of it, I say why not? After all, parental rights were never terminated; you never adopted.

Getting out the this mess might require a petition with the court for termination with the stated reason being you are withdrawing your consent to serve any longer as guardian. I cannot imagine how the court could force you to stay on. Or, it might even be as simple as filing a Request for Dismissal of the guardianship. I'd have to research the way to do it, but my hunch is it can be done and probably with not too much difficulty.

However, ending the guardianship as a legal matter is only half the problem. The bigger looming problem is what to do with this kid. Even if you got your piece of paper saying you were no longer guardian, so what? How's that going to stop the kid from showing up at your door and treating you like mom, just like he's done for the last 2.5 years, not to mention mistreating you like he's been doing? You've been abused and victimized by this kid and I'm afraid some piece of paper saying you are no longer the boy's guardian isn't going to stop the abuse. You may need to follow this with a restraining order.

You do have a big problem on your hands, and that is where the complexity lies. My heart goes out to you.

[IsI-2911]

We are going to the court house tomorrow to "look" into our options. My experience so far, they are pretty dishonest w/ what you can and can't do. 2 things: sometimes they really don't know, sometimes they just don't want to deal with it.

I guess now, I'm just looking to see if anyone knows what pack I have to purchase, what happens to him, what I have to go through, etc.. .

As far as restraining order, if he really wants to make a mess of our lives, a restraining order won't do anything. He doesn't care about consequences at all. He can't even get through 6 months probation! I still want to be able to write him etc if that's possible. We still love him and don't want to give up on him. It's just making his life worse trying to keep him here.

Any other ideas besides relinquishing rights? Any other info on how to relinquish/what happens/whatever?

Thanks!