[Charesia]

My husband and I are both in the military. We have been married for a year now and our sex life sucks. Even in the beginning it was strained. I love my husband and I think he loves me too, but I'm beginning to think maybe he doesn't. We have no sex life. There is never foreplay or intimacy. Its always him grabbing me and saying, "Lets go to the bedroom" then we have sex and that's it. Its always the same. I try to spice it up, wear sexy clothes, give him a massage out of the blue. I even tried to talk to him about it but he says there's not a problem and this isn't the right time to talk about it. Help I don't know what to do.

[Triysle]

How was your sex life before the marriage? Or did you not have sex with him until after you got married?

If this is a sudden development, it's something you should openly discuss with him. None of us can tell you what the exact problem is, but we can help you figure out a way to find it yourself :)

~ Tee

[DSM521]

If he tells you there is nothing wrong with you sex life and he refuses to believe you then you have to make him understand that there is something wrong. If he won't listen or talk to you then stop giving it to him tell he understands. Listen I hate to say stop giving it up but if he won't listen to you, you need to do something to shock him and get his attention.

I would not suggest to do this for a expanded period but just long enough to get his attention. The bottom line is you deserve to have a great sex life. A lot of guys think that sex is sex and as long as its good for him its good for her. By what you wrote in your post it sounds like he can take you to the bedroom at any time and have his way with you. If this is not the case than I am sorry for the assumption. If I am right don't let him take you there till you know he will give you a what you want.

If your man is a real man and won't cheat on you then you hold the power in this department. I know if my wife told me I want to try this in bed, or I need this, or I really would like it if we did this first in bed, then I would do all I could to make that happen for her. The last thing I want is to be cut off form her passion or love. I say a real man because some men may say I will do what I want and if she does not like it then I will find someone to take her place. That is not a real man.

In short remember communication, I know not all guys are easy to communicate with but try. And its time to assert yourself. Don't allow yourself to be walked on in the sex department. Stand up for yourself. What do you have to loose? A selfish lover.

[liz28]

If you don't speak your mind to your husband regarding this issue he will know.

Time for you have an open discussion with him about your sex life and what is lacking.

When you talk to him don't start your sentences off with "why don't you, how come you never". Instead say things like "I would appreciate it if you, I like when you, Can we try _". Be positive and this way you would be getting your point across more effectively.

I hope things change you but if they don't invested in some toys for yourself and no matter what you don't let it take a toll on yourself esteem.

[I wish]

Withhold sex in the bathroom if you have to. If the matter is bothering you so much, you really need to sort it out with him. Sit him down and talk it out.

[talaniman]

The next time he says it isn't a problem, stand your ground and tell him it is, and has always been.

Sorry, part of the problem is you going along with something your not happy with.

His ego may be bruised, but then you can at least talk to him, gently of course.