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karen boon · May 4, 2009, 04:38 AM

Hi I have a child of eleven and half of which at present joint residency with both parents but with his father 9 nights out of 14 but now wants only to live me qnd visit his father on his own terms when he wants to. I live only ten minutes away from school around all his friends and family and his father lives 7 miles away from school with no friends for him from school and has no out of school contact with any friends unless they he his with me. He is h#very upset about this situation and refuses to return to his dads. Please help me

stevetcg · May 4, 2009, 06:43 AM

A child does not get to decide. His opinion MAY be factored in to the court's decision. He will not be able to visit his father on his own terms because that would be removing the legal rights of his father.

Essentially what has to happen is that you go to court and file for a change to the custody order. Your ex either agrees or fights it. You both make your case to the judge, he may ask your son and then he issues a new custody plan. Since you are so close together, I wouldn't put a lot of faith in the change occurring if the father opposes it. Courts are reluctant to change custody unless there is compelling cause and the whim of an 11 year old is not particularly compelling.

But stranger things have happened.

As for him returning to his Dads, you might want to try harder to convince him as YOU can be held legally responsible for violating the court ordered custody. You may try explaining it to him this way: if you get in trouble for violating the order, you will be LESS likely to be able to permanently have the custody order changed and might possibly LOSE some or all custody you have (true, but unlikely as you are trying to comply... but your son doesn't have to know that... )

Sunflowers · May 4, 2009, 02:05 PM

Steve is right. It is not up to your son. But it is up to you to live up to the current court order and if your son has been staying 9 days with his father and 5 with you, unless you have a new court order or your husband agrees, you could run into problems if you don't take your son back to his dad's at the usual time. At 11 1/5 he is old enough to understand that and if he is saying he isn't going to go back even though... it just proves he is too immature to legally make those kinds of decisions for himself.