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jlayton87 · May 4, 2009, 01:26 PM

We have been married for 2 years. A few months after we got married he did that!

Justwantfair · May 4, 2009, 01:29 PM

Is marriage counseling an option?

jlayton87 · May 4, 2009, 01:32 PM

Yes I have considered it. And we have talked about it before, but haven't gone through with it yet

Justwantfair · May 4, 2009, 01:43 PM

That would be the best avenue at this point, if you aren't recovering from the affair, it maybe your last option to salvage your marriage.

jlayton87 · May 4, 2009, 01:55 PM

Yea that is true. Thanks everyone for the advice you have given

Survivor07 · May 4, 2009, 02:01 PM

Sit down and tell him how you feel. Try not to show anger or resentment, just genuine concern for your marriage.

Start with I feel this way... when you're on the computer all evening... And I feel this way... when you don't want to make love AND I feel I can't get past the fact you slept with my best friend a little over a year ago in our own home. I feel I can't trust you and I need help, your help, in getting through this.

IF he doesn't agree to counseling, then go yourself.

jlayton87 · May 4, 2009, 04:35 PM

I sure will! That's the least I can do really.. Thank you so much

IWHO · May 4, 2009, 05:40 PM

There's a lot of good advice here... but one thing I know is that a lot of guys don't like to talk about their problems... they will retreat inwards... depending on how you decide to approach your husband, consider this as an option too, if you like... I took a management course and one of the things were we taught was how to listen to what was NOT being said... for example... one manager to another... "I have an employee that always comes in late and never gets her work done....I have talked and talked to her yet she still continues to come in late"... what was NOT being said?. The manager who has this employee feels out of control... feels like this person dis-respects them, feels like this employee could damage HIS reputation by not getting her work done... we didn't solve his problem but we understood why he was frustrated... we were then asked to resolve the manager's problem NOT by suggesting ways to control this employee but by asking him questions like such: "Why do you think she does this?" "What do you think you could do to help her with her situation?" " When will you tell her what you have come up with?"... etc... by asking questions that allows the manager with the problem to resolve his own problem, he is now under control, has more confidence, and has a game plan... men are problem solvers... they are the bread winners... they don't ask for directions and they don't ask for help... during the next few conversations try listening to what your husband is NOT saying... then do not suggest ways to resolve the problem... instead ask questions to help HIM resolve your problems... do not push... wait for him to speak... smile... be loving... do what needs to be done... but watch... wait... and listen... the problem will point itself out... I am not an expert... I just see a lot going on here and I think that if you ask yourself what is NOT being said, and maybe you and he will discover the problem... just my opinion...

Survivor07 · May 4, 2009, 06:27 PM

IWHO is right about there is a lot going on here.

And there's a lot not being said in this marriage. That's the problem.

Generally speaking, men may be better problem solvers than communicators, but when they're a husband and a father, they need to be both.

That's what marriage counselors are for... to help the troubled couple communicate and try to solve their problems--together.

k3441 · May 4, 2009, 10:30 PM

I think maybe just spice things up a bit! Buy something sexy and well you know the rest!
It's worth a try...