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I wish · Apr 18, 2009, 12:33 PM

You broke up for 3 months, but you only had no contact for 1 week. So your actually healing process only started 1 week ago.

Stop contacting her or else you will drag out the pain and you're going to restart the healing process.

1 week is not enough, give yourself way more time than that.

talaniman · Apr 18, 2009, 01:45 PM

We've been no contact for only a week right now

I wish is correct, your healing just started, and you will have to go longer than a week of not contacting her, before it gets better.

jman123h · Apr 18, 2009, 04:43 PM

Yeah I'm really really sticking to it this time. Some people on other message boards and in my life have told me that it's immature to not speak to her and I should be able to have some sort of relationship with her and should not ignore her. She also would tell me that when she called me.

JohnnyBlog · Apr 18, 2009, 04:56 PM

Its in now way immature to not talk or ignore her. You are just doing the right thing for yourself which everyone has to respect! In any normal friendship ignoring someone is definitely considered rude or immature but an ex-girlfriend after a break-up is not your friend and very rarely can be a friend in the normal sense of the word. There's too much history. If you are on the receiving end of someone leaving, its your right to do whatever helps you! Keep strong!

jman123h · Apr 22, 2009, 02:57 PM

I feel I'm pathetic because of the amount of time I still think about this girl, and the amount of importance she still weighs in my life. She is doing nothing to stay as my girlfriend, so why do I devote still almost all of my thoughts to her? I'm only on 12 days of NC, but we haven't had constant contact for a long time now

Everything I think my brain still just immediately links to her in someway. And everyday my brain wonders to a new point for me to feel bad about not having her. She contacted a friend of mine the other day which doesn't help. He told me about it and I didn't ask for any details, but it was nothing special.

I'm scared of life without her. The past 3 months have been a blur, everything seams surreal. Everyone says time will heal it, but time only makes me realize why I love her so much, why she's so special, and why she was that me to above all other girls. :(

talaniman · Apr 22, 2009, 05:01 PM

Hang in there dude, we all go through the adjustment of unattaching ourselves. Its like kicking drugs, cold turkey. You can do this.

jman123h · Apr 27, 2009, 03:19 PM

Ok, there is an update on this situation and I need help.

I have blocked my ex on every message system, in an attempt to give up all hope. Right before I initiated no contact for almost 17 days, I wrote an email explaining every true feeling I had. I told her it was the last time I would talk about those feelings and it was. I asked her to sit down and talk as two people who care for each other more than anything in the world, and not waste something so special. She responded by when she is ready.

Following all of that I never responded and she called from a random number last night. I try to ignore all random numbers and on the third call I answered. She told instantly to not hang up and I told her I didn't want to talk to her again. She got emotional and told me that I was an idiot then. I said OK what's up. She said no you were being an , don't call back. I said don't worry I won't and I didn't.

This ate at me all night and morning until my best friend told me she got some texts from her last night. I read them and she wanted to sit down and talk to me. But she said I blew my chance because I was being a jerk. (which in my tone everything was rude, but understandable. I had no idea she had intentions of really seeing me.)

Do I call her and say I'm sorry for being a jerk, whats' up? Or do I wait for her to call me again, because I think she will. Or do I have my friend ask her how the talk went last night, and hint to call again. Help? I really truly love her and would love to work it out.

talaniman · Apr 27, 2009, 06:53 PM

Let me know when your ready to do something for yourself and not her.

Don't you think 3 months is long enough to keep going through this mess?

You have been given good advice, and the tools, and how to use them. Now get the job done.

chuff · Apr 27, 2009, 07:09 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Let me know when your ready to do something for yourself and not her.

It's hard. I know it is. But be honest with yourself. Is any of this healthy? Is this what two healthy people do? You have fantasied about her for 3 months now and getting back together. But have you fantasied about what you would do? Have you tried to figure out how you can be stable and in control? Tal's right, it's time for you to do something for you. Your not even yourself anymore. Your just a guy hanging on to a dream, but you have completely lost yourself. What are you doing? How you are you improving?

jman123h · Apr 27, 2009, 07:45 PM

I've done a lot of things for myself. I've decided where I'm going to school, to quit the baseball team as a senior captain to have fun with my friends on the golf team because it's what I actually wanted to do, and not just what I'm used to. I've hung out with other girls, gone no contact for a decent amount of time before I got a call from a random number. I was doing all right before all this last night.

But the thing is, I love her. I can't see myself with any other girl, and I've had 3.5 months away from her. I would never hurt her again, ever. I've matured so much, learned so much about me, who I want to be, who I want in my life, what kind of person I want to be, how to treat people, and so many other things. And one thing I validated in my time apart are my feelings towards her. We have an amazing connection and if we do get back together it would be 100% fine and no awkwardness.

The emotional rollercoaster I rode wasn't healthy, but I think in the end all of this was for the best, no matter the outcome.

But for now, do I just wait for her to call me again? Or do I go out of my way now..

chuff · Apr 27, 2009, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by jman123h

But for now, do i just wait for her to call me again? or do i go out of my way now..

You wait for her to call you. Even in that call from the other night, you told her you didn't want to talk and she called you an idiot. Then you continued talking to her. That isn't healthy. That is her verbally abusing you (granted it's not the biggest insult ever) and you not being strong enough to stop her from doing it. You should have called her on that, and told her, you are not going to be her emotional whipping boy, and if she wants to talk to you she talks to you respectfully, and if she does, you'll offer her the same in return. This is part of what Tal is talking about. You have to be strong for yourself before you can enter into a relationship with her or anybody else.

jman123h · Apr 30, 2009, 08:21 PM

Ok. Now I feel I'm waiting for her call. Hope has been restored where before I was completely hopeless, and trying to move on. I haven't made any progress in either direction in the past 5 days and don't know what to do about it. I haven't heard from her so I'm anxious. I am starting to have vivid dreams of her in them again, which hasn't happened for weeks. I think about her so much more, and now I reminisce so much more than I should be. Should I just pick up the phone and call her? I feel like I'm waiting around now.

chuff · Apr 30, 2009, 09:01 PM

Originally Posted by jman123h

Should I just pick up the phone and call her? I feel like i'm waiting around now.

I think you have missed the entire point. NC is not about waiting her out. It's about building your confidence back up and finding yourself. It's about filling that void that you currently feel, on your own. NC is about doing for you, because you can and you deserve it. Under no circumstances should you call her.

talaniman · Apr 30, 2009, 09:11 PM

You just keep waiting, eventually she will call. Just keep sitting there. When this thread has reached a thousand posts we will tell you the same thing, and you can ask what should you do.

Reread your thread.

Gemini54 · Apr 30, 2009, 09:18 PM

Originally Posted by jman123h

Ok. Now I feel I'm waiting for her call. Hope has been restored where before I was completely hopeless, and trying to move on. I haven't made any progress in either direction in the past 5 days and don't know what to do about it. I haven't heard from her so I'm anxious. I am starting to have vivid dreams of her in them again, which hasn't happened for weeks. I think about her so much more, and now I reminisce so much more than I should be. Should I just pick up the phone and call her? I feel like i'm waiting around now.

Sheesh. You are going to get roasted mate.

Over the past few months your yearning for this girl has turned into a gilt edged fantasy.
I've read all the posts and you really don't know how to let go (mind you, neither does she). I suspect it will all turn pear shaped, but the ball is in your court now.

See if your new found 'maturity' stands you in good stead, or whether this is a fantasy as well.

chuff · Apr 30, 2009, 09:22 PM

Originally Posted by chuff

I am going to bang my head against the wall.

I wrote this on March 17... which surprised me because I remembered it quite clearly, but none the less that was 6 weeks ago. When are you going to apply what we are saying?

jman123h · May 1, 2009, 03:55 PM

She wanted space, I gave it to her. I went NC a ton of times. She couldn't do that and has finally realized that being apart isn't what she wants. Why is it a problem that I get back together with her? I love her very much still. I've learned a lot in our time apart, and I'm ready to be with her again. Never did our relationship together involve jealousy, or fighting. Just because she actually came around means it can't work?

talaniman · May 1, 2009, 05:03 PM

Go for it guy, its your life, so its your decision. I hope your right, and I'm wrong. I really do.

ella2009 · May 1, 2009, 05:24 PM

If she's not forgiving you your not meant to be

jman123h · May 2, 2009, 07:55 AM

Ok. I called. At first it didn't go the why I had hoped because she was pissed I blocked her number and such. She then had to call me back and when she did we were able to talk a lot. She forgives me for what I did, now just isn't sure if she can trust me enough to build a relationship together again and go apart to college. She said she really has to think about it, still loves me and misses me so much as a boyfriend and a best friend. We are meeting up today to talk in person because we haven't seen each other in a month. I really hope all goes well.