[taffygirl]

I've been reading a little on here and am curious as to your opinion on a subject. In reference to "space" when one or the other in a couple decides that they need a breather, what is your true opinion of this? I have been in this situation a few times, myself (on both sides of the fence). I have seen it happen quite often with family members and friends. Do you believe that in a "healthy" relationship involving "real" love and not an unhealthy, immature infatuation, that this is necessary?
I do know in the situations in which I was the instigator, looking back, I can't be so sure that what I was feeling at the time was real love. The couples that I know who have been together for many years and appear to have a strong, devoted relationship tell me they don't need this "space". They set their boundaries within the relationship, talk about any issues they may have and try to compromise and work together. My head may tell me one thing (space seems to be the "in" thing nowadays), but my heart believes that "true" love does not need this break... this "space". I am trying, but can't remember any situations where this type of behavior resulted in strengthening the relationship. I do believe that it takes two "whole" people from the beginning to make a relationship work, and am just curious as to any stories you may have where "space" actually made things better.

[kctiger]

My opinion is this: if you truly love someone you conquer things together, not apart... just saying... (Rome came up with that quote).

[I wish]

The reason some people need space is because they are really confused with their feelings and emotions.

So you can either continue to figure things out together, but the emotions and feelings won't easily go away; thus, influencing your decision-making. The reason is that you are very dependent on the other person and you don't allow yourself to think for yourself. You make decisions by taking the other person into consideration.

Or you can have space so that the emotions can calm down. Then you can analyze your feelings calmly and objectively. And be able to focus on yourself only, without the dependence of the other person.

You will emerge with much more logical decisions.

That's these are some of the goals of giving each other space. I'm not sure what the success rate is though.

Space doesn't only apply for heated arguments. It applies to any type of situation where one person is very confused with their emotions.

Space is more for no contact. Time of reflection and sorting out the confusion without the influence of the other person. But it could be able personal issues, as well as the significant other.

During a break, you can still keep in contact, it just means that you are suspending your relationship. But a break applies more specifically to the relationship itself more than personal issues. Furthermore, during a break, you're usually comtemplating breaking up.

[ylaira]

Say you and your sweetie got into a heated argument. This can go for longer hours. Fight usually includes throwing harsh remarks to the point that it will get out hand and regret.

If two people are screaming at the same time, nobody can hear each other so space is needed.

Space also gives you an opportunity to assess things without pressure and it may lead to 2 things: making up it or breaking up.

[kctiger]

Wait a minute... I don't consider "space" being getting into an argument and then one taking time to cool off. Space is a prolonged deal. I think the OP was referring to a "break" in regards to space, not taking time to cool down in a heated argument. Two totally different things. In other words, when your partner tells you they want a "break" to get some "space."

[Romefalls19]

Kc took my quote, no objections on it. But that's point of view, life's hard, relationships are work, some people can work together, some people can't. Either way life goes on, just roll with the changes.

[Romefalls19]

Personally, I don't do breaks. Never have, never will. It's just an easier way for the to ease guilt off their shoulders. I'd rather have the pain all at once, rather than spread over the course of months. IMO

[ylaira]

Yes, KC I realized that too that's why I edited. But anyway, space will either make you miss the person or realized that the lover is not needed even better without it.

[kctiger]

If you needed space or a break to make you realize you love someone, I don't believe you ever truly loved them... just my opinion. Man up, work it out, or move the fu## on!

[Romefalls19]

Darn! I have to spread the rep, but that's exactly how I feel KC. I wonder how these people deal with real life when they constantly need to "take a break" from things.

[taffygirl]

Guess I happen to be one of those who "beats a dead horse", yes... I usually stay longer than I should. I have a deep belief that we were created to partner in life and enhance that side of your significant other that may be their weaker side, hence the wonderful differences in men and women. It just seems more often than not, most people run into their partners' differences of opinion and don't know how to handle this. It seems much easier to run (usually on to the same issues, just with different people) instead of trying to work through your issues.
In my career, I am in Management and many times have to make the decision to pair two employees that are not always happy with this decision. But, I have learned that given time and the proper encouragement, they learn to work through their differences and are actually able to learn new things from each other. Too bad that relationships couldn't have this government over them when they meet those bumps in the road... might be less divorce in our society.

[none12345]

I believe that if you truly love someone, the relationship won't need space. To me space is the same as a break up. I believe those who need space and decide they want to be with that person afterwards had doubt of the relationship in the first place. Just my opinions though. I don't believe in space lol.

[JudyKayTee]

Say you and your sweetie got into a heated argument. This can go for longer hours. Fight usually includes throwing harsh remarks to the point that it will get out hand and regret.

If two people are screaming at the same time, nobody can hear each other so space is needed.

Space also gives you an opportunity to assess things without pressure and it may lead to 2 things: making up it or breaking up.

I think you have to work it out - being apart does not settle anything. Maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe it doesn't. Walking away solves nothing.

If you need a break, I say the relationship is pretty much over.

[ylaira]

I believe that if you truely love someone, the relationship wont need space. To me space is the same as a break up. I believe those who need space and decide they want to be with that person afterwards had doubt of the relationship in the first place. Just my opinions though. I dont believe in space lol.

Very interesting. When people write here on the board asking about something, people usually say "give her the space" even if the relationship still sounds promising.

This happened like twice to me, I had an argument with my fiancé, some major fight that triggers breaking up, I don't tell him "I need space." but I need one. Just to be clear we're still together and I'll just contemplate. I don't call but in 3 days we start to miss each other so I or he ends up calling. We can talk things out so much better.

But if it's type of situation that the partners seems uninterested in anything, vaguely communicates, whatever you do doesn't matter and will just blurt out "I need space", won't call in 2 weeks barely responds after those period, that usually means It's over. Specially if there's a third party involved.

[talaniman]

Some partners work together, some don't. The ones that do work hard and resolve their issues. When one partner hollers for space, always give it to them, because if they would rather run, than work, then the relationship won't last any way.

It sucks on the emotions, but you learn to deal with it, and get your act together, without them.

The couples that I know who have been together for many years and appear to have a strong, devoted relationship tell me they don't need this "space".

The wife and I have our own bathrooms, and that's space enough.