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missmykids · Apr 27, 2009, 03:19 PM

My ex & I have joint custody with me having visitation rights. This happened when I changed custody because I was unable to financially and physically care for our children. The visitation is the minimum visitation schedule for people who live in the same state. We do not live in the same state and they live over 2400 miles away!
I think I have to file contempt of court, since he has denied visitation for over 3 yrs. I do have some documentation including the email that he denied me visitation. Very recently he returned to the military and was sent deployment papers within about a week of resigning. He is being deployed out of state for 3 months then to a war zone for a year.
I am not trying to disrupt the children's lives and I really didn't want to take this to court, I just want a summer visitation especially if he is going to be gone for a year, why shouldn't they be able to spend time with me?
I need some help finding out what steps to take to file contempt in Oklahoma, so far websearch results have been very minimal. I have found 2 forms (motion for enforcement of non-custodial parent visitation rights & domestic relations cover sheet) but no instructions or help for how to file.
Any help is very much appreciated... I may hire a lawyer to go to court but it will help keep cost down if I can at least have all the paperwork ready!

cdad · Apr 27, 2009, 05:53 PM

You have a major problem. What court decided custody ? Ok or elsewhere ?
What you have is a case where he is about to become unreachable. You may have to address this through military courts at this time because he is about to be deployed. That falls under special circumstances. Have you mentioned this to him ? That you want custody while he is away ?

http://www.abanet.org/family/militar...yLawIssues.pdf

missmykids · Apr 28, 2009, 10:49 AM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

You have a major problem. What court decided custody ? Ok or elsewhere ?
What you have is a case where he is about to become unreachable. You may have to address this through military courts at this time because he is about to be deployed. That falls under special circumstances. Have you mentioned this to him ? That you want custody while he is away ?

http://www.abanet.org/family/militar...yLawIssues.pdf

I have requested visitation through email hoping to get a response in written form, he has still not responded. So far as I can detemine the jurisdiction is OK because that is where the last order was and he has moved to several states since.
I wouldn't know where to begin with military courts either but was trying to figure out if that is possible when I found this website yesterday!
I cannot get any kind of reasonable response from my ex if any response at all!
Thank you for noting that this would fall under special circumstance though, I didn't realize that!

ScottGem · Apr 28, 2009, 11:41 AM

See the problem here is that you don't have a set schedule. Its not like one weekend a month and specified holidays. So, unless you have something that specifically says "I am not going to let you see the kids!", its going to be hard to prove contempt.

missmykids · Apr 28, 2009, 12:19 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

See the problem here is that you don't have a set schedule. Its not like one weekend a month and specified holidays. So, unless you have something that specifically says "I am not going to let you see the kids!", its going to be hard to prove contempt.

We have the minimum visitation schedule for people who live in the same state. We have joint legal custody, he has physical. You are right, I do not have anything that says "I am not going to let you see the kids" but what I have is his response to my request in an email that says I have to do "This & This and you can either rent an apartment by us or stay with us but no you cannot take them out of state." Yes, I think proving contempt will be very hard!

cdad · Apr 28, 2009, 03:46 PM

I think there is another problem here that got skipped. Is he still in Ok? Your location shows as Washington. If both parties have fled the state then it may be possible to seek a change. That being said it would be in the home state of the children where they have resided for at least 6 months. Ok may allow that. Another thing that isn't clear.. does your visitation have overnights as part of it ?

See in this case there is going to be no way of avoiding court so now its more a matter of which court will serve your case. Then you can decide on a plan.

ScottGem · Apr 28, 2009, 04:17 PM

What EXACTLY does the visitation order say? As the primary custodian, you are the one who has to exercise your visitation rights. He doesn't have to help you. So he's probably within his rights to say you will have to come to him and stay at a hotel or whatever near him to see the kids.

missmykids · Apr 29, 2009, 04:47 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

What EXACTLY does the visitation order say? As the primary custodian, you are the one who has to exercise your visitation rights. He doesn't have to help you. So he's probably within his rights to say you will have to come to him and stay at a hotel or whatever near him to see the kids.

The order states that I get the first 2 weeks after school lets out and the last 2 weeks before they go back to school. There are specific holidays stated also. Basically it says we should work out a reasonable schedule that works for us, that we should work together. I made a huge mistake and trusted that he would be reasonable so I didn't try to fight for specific things. Making the assumtion that because they were almost 3000 miles away he would just allow summer visitation and I could live with that.
What I learned is to Never Assume!
I guess I am very nieve, I really thought my idea was reasonable!

missmykids · Apr 29, 2009, 04:51 PM

Originally Posted by missmykids

The order states that I get the first 2 weeks after school lets out and the last 2 weeks before they go back to school. There are specific holidays stated also. Basically it says we should work out a reasonable schedule that works for us, that we should work together. I made a huge mistake and trusted that he would be reasonable so I didn't try to fight for specific things. Making the assumtion that because they were almost 3000 miles away he would just allow summer visitation and I could live with that.
What I learned is to Never Assume!
I guess I am very nieve, I really thought my idea was reasonable!

NOPE I AM WRONG... I don't know where I got that!

missmykids · Apr 29, 2009, 04:59 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

What EXACTLY does the visitation order say? As the primary custodian, you are the one who has to exercise your visitation rights. He doesn't have to help you. So he's probably within his rights to say you will have to come to him and stay at a hotel or whatever near him to see the kids.

This is the standard schedule we were assigned with the modification

STANDARD VISITATION

The non-custodial parent shall have visitation with the minor child of the parties on the following times and in the following manner:

Weekend Visitation: Alternating weekends from 6:00 p.m. Friday until 6:00 p.m. Sunday.

Holiday Visitation:

1. During odd numbered years, the non-custodial parent shall have holiday visitation scheduled as follows:

July 4th: 6:00 p.m. July 3 until 6:00 p.m. July 5

Thanksgiving: 6:00 p.m. Wednesday preceding Thanksgiving until 6:00 p.m. Sunday

Christmas: 6:00 p.m. the day school is recessed until 9:00 p.m. Christmas Eve

Easter: 6:00 p.m. Friday evening preceding Easter until 6:00 p.m. Easter evening

2. During even numbered years, the non-custodial parent shall have the holiday visitation scheduled as follows:

Memorial Day: 6:00 p.m. Friday preceding Memorial Day until 6:00 p.m. Monday

Labor Day: 6:00 p.m. Friday preceding Labor Day until 6:00 p.m. Labor Day night

Christmas: 9:00 p.m. Christmas Eve evening until 6:00 p.m. the day before school resumes at the conclusion of the Christmas/New Year’s holiday period.

3. Father shall have the child(ren) on Father’s Day; Mother shall have the child(ren) on Mother’s day (8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m.).

4. Each parent shall have the child(ren) every other Spring Break.

5. Holiday visitation takes precedence over weekend visitation.

Special Visitation:

1. With regard to the child(ren)’s birthdays, the non-custodial parent may have two (2) hours visitation on the child(ren)’s birthdays (5:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. in the absence of agreement). If birthday falls during visitation with non-custodial parent, then custodial parent may have the two (2) hours visitation.

2. With regard to school functions, the non-custodial parent may attend.

Summer Visitation:

The non-custodial parent shall have Summer visitation for two (2) two-week periods. The custodial parent shall be given written notification of the visitation dates thirty (30) days before the last day of school.

Judges' Note:

The above is specified minimum visitation. Additional Visitation as well as liberal telephone communication is to be encouraged.

Signed on ____________________, 200__. _____________________________________

JUDGE OF THE DISTRICT COURT

missmykids · Apr 29, 2009, 05:12 PM

Originally Posted by missmykids

This is the standard schedule we were assigned with the modification

STANDARD VISITATION

The non-custodial parent shall have visitation with the minor child of the parties on the following times and in the following manner:

Weekend Visitation: Alternating weekends from 6:00 p.m. Friday until 6:00 p.m. Sunday.

Holiday Visitation:

1. During odd numbered years, the non-custodial parent shall have holiday visitation scheduled as follows:

July 4th: 6:00 p.m. July 3 until 6:00 p.m. July 5

Thanksgiving: 6:00 p.m. Wednesday preceding Thanksgiving until 6:00 p.m. Sunday

Christmas: 6:00 p.m. the day school is recessed until 9:00 p.m. Christmas Eve

Easter: 6:00 p.m. Friday evening preceding Easter until 6:00 p.m. Easter evening

2. During even numbered years, the non-custodial parent shall have the holiday visitation scheduled as follows:

Memorial Day: 6:00 p.m. Friday preceding Memorial Day until 6:00 p.m. Monday

Labor Day: 6:00 p.m. Friday preceding Labor Day until 6:00 p.m. Labor Day night

Christmas: 9:00 p.m. Christmas Eve evening until 6:00 p.m. the day before school resumes at the conclusion of the Christmas/New Year’s holiday period.

3. Father shall have the child(ren) on Father’s Day; Mother shall have the child(ren) on Mother’s day (8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m.).

4. Each parent shall have the child(ren) every other Spring Break.

5. Holiday visitation takes precedence over weekend visitation.

Special Visitation:

1. With regard to the child(ren)’s birthdays, the non-custodial parent may have two (2) hours visitation on the child(ren)’s birthdays (5:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. in the absence of agreement). If birthday falls during visitation with non-custodial parent, then custodial parent may have the two (2) hours visitation.

2. With regard to school functions, the non-custodial parent may attend.

Summer Visitation:

The non-custodial parent shall have Summer visitation for two (2) two-week periods. The custodial parent shall be given written notification of the visitation dates thirty (30) days before the last day of school.

Judges' Note:

The above is specified minimum visitation. Additional Visitation as well as liberal telephone communication is to be encouraged.

Signed on ____________________, 200__. _____________________________________

JUDGE OF THE DISTRICT COURT

Summer Visitation:

The non-custodial parent shall have Summer visitation for two (2) two-week periods. The custodial parent shall be given written notification of the visitation dates thirty (30) days before the last day of school.

So does this mean I can send him an email with the date that I will pick them up and then be there to pick them up? If I drive the over 2400 miles, can I go to the police station and ask them to enforce this without any other orders? What if they make sure they are not there? Is that kiddnapping especially since they will be in the care of their step parent because he will be gone on deployment. The step parent has nothing more than Power of Attorney as far as I am aware of.

ScottGem · Apr 29, 2009, 05:54 PM

Ok, So here's what I would recommend. You tell your ex that you will be coming for either Mother's Day or July 4th. Remind him that the visitation schedule gives you that time with the kids. That you will expect him to have them ready for pickup at the appropriate time. That if they are not ready, then you have him cited for contempt of court.

By the way, did he get permission to move away from the court? If he didn't then he is in violation of the court ordered visitation agreement. You could have prevented him from moving. That you didn't file when he moved may make it too late now. But if he denies you specific time that the schedule provides for you can have him cited for contempt.

missmykids · Apr 29, 2009, 06:19 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Ok, So here's what I would recommend. You tell your ex that you will be coming for either Mother's Day or July 4th. Remind him that the visitation schedule gives you that time with the kids. That you will expect him to have them ready for pickup at the appropriate time. That if they are not ready, then you have him cited for contempt of court.

By the way, did he get permission to move away from the court? If he didn't then he is in violation of the court ordered visitation agreement. You could have prevented him from moving. That you didn't file when he moved may make it too late now. But if he denies you specific time that the schedule provides for you can have him cited for contempt.

Since Oklahoma he has lived in 4 different states. He did not petition the court for any of them, I realize that I could have prevented it or tried to but I am not trying to be a hindrance to the lives of these people. I want my children to have as little disruption as possible. My ex has already done too much of that, enough that our oldest refuses to make friends because he has gone to a different school every year since he started and although all the children excel in their schooling it has more to do with their IQ than the stability of life that has been provided them!

Thank you all for your answers... every little bit, opinion or fact is helpful!