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andybox · Apr 27, 2009, 08:52 AM

Background: Our relationship was born out of a triangle and sadly had a turbulent birth. She needed space then, but still had issues so she tried counselling but even after counselling there was still an unresolved bug that nether she nor her councillor could resolve. There were months of tension and passion. She is a professional and this last year and a half I believe we have had it good. We don't live together, we are a weekend couple.

The space issue has come up again though this time in a text message and phone call. So I said she should take out whatever time you want and when you are ready for a chat call me.

After two weeks of space I dropped a text message just to say how are you - her reply - hello thinking today to communicate with you - need my space still - feeling better this way - more whole - grew increasingly uncertain that our relationship had a future - I think because it started in a place of pain for all three of us - I still love you - can we be friends and not lovers?

I sent a reply to say OK friendship will be fine

She replied can we meet.

Now I have written this down I feel a degree of acceptance and the pain is diminishing.
However I feel sad that it has come to this and part of me knows that when I see her as a friend inside I still want her... aaaaaaarrrgggggh! HELP ME

Krazi · Apr 27, 2009, 09:11 AM

Sounds like she has issues and she needs a friend more at this time then a lover.
Be her friend and support her and help her work through this issue. In time it will strengthen your relationship.

I wish · Apr 27, 2009, 10:40 AM

Sounds like you guys have some unanswered questions. You should confront her when you are both ready and talk things through.

Communication is the key.

talaniman · Apr 27, 2009, 12:07 PM

Sorry for your loss!

jmw0713 · Apr 27, 2009, 12:32 PM

More time and space is needed for both of you. Friends will be difficult, especially when you both start dating other people. Also while you are "friends", she will work on moving on, while you work on winning her back. Not good for you.

Take this for what it is and move forward the best you can.

artlady · Apr 27, 2009, 01:32 PM

If you give this some time,you may be able to be friends but at this juncture when you are still emotionally involved,it is not reasonable to assume you can be friends.

Some people think it is easier to wean them self of the one they love but all it does is prolong the inevitable and cause more pain and confusion.

andybox · May 1, 2009, 05:39 PM

Threads merged and edited

So we meet up and agreed not to talk about the past but the present. Two months ago she did tell me that her ex would not have her back as he could never trust her again and that he had accepted the status quo. However she now tells me that her ex has issues with his new girlfriend who does not like my ex being around him. It seems to me that she has now announced that me and her are finished but she still wants me in her life and to go out to the theatre once a week.

I think she has unresolved issues with her ex. And wants to know where or if they have any chance of getting back together and is biding her time for him to finish with his girlfriend maybe. Mean while I am living in hopes... I must be mad doing this but I can't stop myself. ANY SUGGESTIONS!

talaniman · May 1, 2009, 07:59 PM

Mean while I am living in hopes... I must be mad doing this but I can't stop myself. ANY SUGGESTIONS!

This situation is so unhealthy, its dysfunctional, given the facts you have written here. Either get out of it, or keep hoping... for what, I have no clue, as this doesn't even resemble being happy, nor can it be fun.

Don't you have other more positive, things to do with your life? Do you just WANT to be stuck in LALA land?

I just can't believe you are letting this sick female make a big wuss out of you like this. Why? Why?