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Burtongirl10 · Apr 26, 2009, 02:28 PM

Ok it's a long story but 9 months ago I was working with this guy and we met and liked each other from day one. It was very evident that he liked me and we flirted with each other for 3 months before I just couldn't stand waiting any longer and decided to give him my number. We texted and started to get to know each other and we both agreed that we should def. hang out. Well, it just never happened. He bailed every time and it was always that he had too much homework because he's in college and graduating next month. And he also works. So anyway, we continued to text for awhile and I continued to be very frustrated that we never hung out. Well, I lost my job there and we lost contact... actually we had already stopped talking and so I texted him and told him what happened and said if you want to stay in contact great, otherwise it was great knowing you. Well, I never heard from him until a couple months later when he started texting me again and we started talking again and he brought up hanging out. So I went OK, here we go again. Well, that didn't last long and it was the same story again. Apprarently he got distracted and almost screwed things up at school. Well he basically said to me, you're a really cool girl, but you're just too much of a distraction and I'm trying to finish up school and go to Europe and I just can't talk to you right now. Maybe we can be friends in the future. So, I let it go. And I moved on. Well, one week ago he contacted me again and this guy totally changed!! Took a total 180. I guess he went away to Europe, had a lot of time to think and he actually thought about me and when he got home, he had a whole new attitude, he had this confidence and so he talked to close friends of his and his older sister and aparently they were all like go for it. And he said he was just like dang what is wrong with me, I'm so stupid, this beautiful girl cares about me and I'm just like pushing her away. So he contacted me again and he actually got work off that night so that he could take me out on a date. He apologized and said that he was just really stressed and was being stupid. We totally hit it off... he's been so affectionate towards me and so into me. He's shared so many things with me about how he feels and it's quite clear this guy is very much into me. However, he is still finishing school and has an insane amount of homework and he works therefore that doesn't leave a lot of time for us to hang out right now. He also can't call or text me much. And here is what he has told me. He wants to take it slow for now, keep it casual and wait on sex. He told me that he just has a lot on his plate right now and if he lets himself go too far, he won't be able to focus on school and all he'll be able to think about is me. He also doesn't want sex to ruin what we have so far. What I want to know is, does it seem like this guy is truly interested in a serious relationship? Why is he wanting to take it slow? Should I be concerned? Is it just because of school? And what do you think about him coming back? He's made efforts to see me even when he was really tired.. he told me he wants to see me as much as possible... he tells me I'm beautiful and cute all the time... and he said to me the other day that if we want to make anything out of this, we should take it slow. He said he isn't having 2nd thoughts, just has a lot on his plate.
Sorry this is so long, but any help is appreciated... feel free to ask me questions to better understand the situation. Thank you.

mudweiser · Apr 26, 2009, 02:39 PM

Originally Posted by Burtongirl10

Ok it's a long story but 9 months ago I was working with this guy and we met and liked each other from day one. It was very evident that he liked me and we flirted with each other for 3 months before I just couldn't stand waiting any longer and decided to give him my number. We texted and started to get to know each other and we both agreed that we should def. hang out. Well, it just never happened. He bailed every time and it was always that he had too much homework because he's in college and graduating next month. And he also works.

Sounds like to me he doesn't really want a relationship. He's obviously busy with school and work.

So anyway, we continued to text for awhile and I continued to be very frustrated that we never hung out. Well, I lost my job there and we lost contact... actually we had already stopped talking and so I texted him and told him what happened and said if you want to stay in contact great, otherwise it was great knowing you.

In short he wasn't really interested in you in that way. He basically said "nice knowing you, I don't really want to talk to you. Leave me alone".

Well, I never heard from him until a couple months later when he started texting me again and we started talking again and he brought up hanging out. So I went OK, here we go again. Well, that didn't last long and it was the same story again. Apprarently he got distracted and almost screwed things up at school. Well he basically said to me, you're a really cool girl, but you're just too much of a distraction and I'm trying to finish up school and go to Europe and I just can't talk to you right now.

He just wants to hit it and quit it. He doesn't want a relationship- he just wants an easy bone with no strings attached.

Maybe we can be friends in the future. So, I let it go. And I moved on. Well, one week ago he contacted me again and this guy totally changed!! Took a total 180. I guess he went away to Europe, had a lot of time to think and he actually thought about me and when he got home, he had a whole new attitude, he had this confidence and so he talked to close friends of his and his older sister and aparently they were all like go for it. And he said he was just like dang what is wrong with me, I'm so stupid, this beautiful girl cares about me and I'm just like pushing her away. So he contacted me again and he actually got work off that night so that he could take me out on a date. He apologized and said that he was just really stressed and was being stupid. We totally hit it off... he's been so affectionate towards me and so into me

.

He's realized that maybe trying it at another angle he'd have better chances getting a piece of you. It doesn't matter to him that you care or not-- he's using that to manipulate you so he can get what he wants.

He's shared so many things with me about how he feels and it's quite clear this guy is very much into me. However, he is still finishing school and has an insane amount of homework and he works therefore that doesn't leave a lot of time for us to hang out right now. He also can't call or text me much. And here is what he has told me. He wants to take it slow for now, keep it casual and wait on sex. He told me that he just has a lot on his plate right now and if he lets himself go too far, he won't be able to focus on school and all he'll be able to think about is me. He also doesn't want sex to ruin what we have so far. What I want to know is, does it seem like this guy is truly interested in a serious relationship?

I'm honestly having trouble believing this guy. The whole let's wait for sex thing may be a ploy. He's still holding back from you -- even if he's sharing things. This is probably just bait for you.

Why is he wanting to take it slow? Should I be concerned? Is it just because of school? And what do you think about him coming back? He's made efforts to see me even when he was really tired.. he told me he wants to see me as much as possible... he tells me I'm beautiful and cute all the time... and he said to me the other day that if we want to make anything out of this, we should take it slow. He said he isn't having 2nd thoughts, just has a lot on his plate.

This guy is busy with life. He may not that type of jerk- but he definitely knows what he doesn't want- a relationship.

I would suggest finding someone else. Besides right now school should be your main focus not a relationship. What you do now is detrimental to your future- so I understand him in that aspect.

Well that's just my opinion.

Sarah

pathisfer · Apr 26, 2009, 02:41 PM

Hey, my first thought in this is that you've made yourself way too available for him and he's taking you for granted, wasting your time, and you are letting him. Bailing out on you and putting you off are generally not good signs. It's almost like he thinks you are great but it's just not quite there for him. Most guys definitely won't put off sex if they are totally into you so his words aren't matching his actions- anytime you see a contradiction in the two, the actions are usually accurate.
I think if he's not ready to take the next step you have an obligation to yourself to not wait and to date other people.

Burtongirl10 · Apr 26, 2009, 02:45 PM

I don't think you guys understood the situation at all.

pathisfer · Apr 26, 2009, 02:56 PM

"I just couldn't stand waiting any longer and decided to give him my number"- you were way more into him than he was into you.

"He bailed everytime"- He wasn't that interested.

"we had already stopped talking and so I texted him"- you are doing all the pursuing. Guys like to chase.

"he's been so affectionate towards me"- yet no sex. He's not passionate about you and doesn't feel that chemistry.

"He wants to take it slow for now, keep it casual"- He's not serious about you and doesn't want a relationship.

"he tells me i'm beautiful and cute"- sounds more friendly than anything.

I'm sorry, I think he probably thinks you're a great girl but the attraction isn't there.

Burtongirl10 · Apr 26, 2009, 03:04 PM

You are guys are insane. I obviously didn't tell the story clearly. He told me that he wanted to give me his number too... but we weren't allowed to date at work and he wasn't ready. He bailed because he was setting his priorites straight AND he later apologized for that and said he felt like a jerk over it. And excuse me but this guy wants to have sex with me more than anythng... he told me that but he's controlling himself because he doesn't want to ruin what we have. We have gotten very passiionate making out, but we have both decided to wait. He wants to take it slow because he wants to finish school first (in a few weeks) and then put his all in. he says I'm beautiful and cute but he also says I'm hot and gorgeous and sexy OK? The attraction is there... I know that for a fact

talaniman · Apr 26, 2009, 03:06 PM

What I want to know is, does it seem like this guy is truly interested in a serious relationship?

No, because he doesn't have time, and a relationship is not his first priority.

Why is he wanting to take it slow? Should I be concerned?

He wants you to be patient and wait until he has time.

Is it just because of school? And what do you think about him coming back?

His school SEEMS to be his first priority, and that means everything else gets sacrificed, even you!

He's made efforts to see me even when he was really tired.. he told me he wants to see me as much as possible... he tells me I'm beautiful and cute all the time... and he said to me the other day that if we want to make anything out of this, we should take it slow.

There you have it, and obviously you are misunderstanding his definition of slow.

He said he isn't having 2nd thoughts, just has a lot on his plate.

All things in there own time, since you are not on his plate right now, at least not the main course.

However, he is still finishing school and has an insane amount of homework and he works therefore that doesn't leave a lot of time for us to hang out right now

It sure doesn't. Bet he can barely eat, or go to the bathroom!

He also can't call or text me much. And here is what he has told me. He wants to take it slow for now, keep it casual and wait on sex. He told me that he just has a lot on his plate right now and if he lets himself go too far, he won't be able to focus on school

It doesn't get any plainer than that. You want more than your getting, and he has no more to give. His goals are set, and if you can't slowdown, and be patient, you really should go about your own business. For sure you aren't going to change him.

To answer your question...

Is this guy wanting a serious relationship with me?

No, because he doesn't have time for one, nor is he willing to make time for one.

But he will stay casual, with no sex, and those are his terms... What are your?

Burtongirl10 · Apr 26, 2009, 03:06 PM

And by the way... I let go and backed off months ago and he actually came back... so no I am not doing the chasing anymore.. he is

Burtongirl10 · Apr 26, 2009, 03:07 PM

He's talking about waiting another few weeks... he's almost done with school

talaniman · Apr 26, 2009, 03:10 PM

We have both decided to wait. He wants to take it slow because he wants to finish school first (in a few weeks) and then put his all in.

So why don't you believe him, and just wait a few weeks??

What am I missing??

Burtongirl10 · Apr 26, 2009, 03:13 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

So why don't you believe him, and just wait a few weeks???

What am I missing????

Now I'm really confused because you just spent all that time trying to convince me that he doesn't want to be with me. I really don't know why I asked this question on here because you people really don't get what I'm trying to say and you totally read it wrong and now I'm going crazy.

ylaira · Apr 26, 2009, 03:17 PM

I must agree with the other posts here.I think she likes you but not enough yet to make time for you. You are not his priority. If a guy is really, really, really, really into you, he'll sacrifice other things (say minimal school activities, friends and sports) to be with you. So yes, take it slow instead of having sex, making believe and frustrate your expectations.

Burtongirl10 · Apr 26, 2009, 03:19 PM

Originally Posted by ylaira

I must agree with the other posts here.I think she likes you but not enough yet to make time for you. If a guy is really, really into you, he'll sacrifice other things (say minimal school activities, friends and sports) to be with you. So yes, take it slow instead of having sex, making believe and frustrate your expectations.

It isn't minimal school though. This guy is about to grauate and it's critical that he finishes. He has a lot on his plate right now and he doesn't want to screw it up. He also knows that he can't give his all until it's out of the way. He goes to school full time and works full time OK.

Burtongirl10 · Apr 26, 2009, 03:20 PM

And might I add that he made an effort to hang out with me till 1 in the morning after school even though he was exhausted

pathisfer · Apr 26, 2009, 03:23 PM

Sorry to be crude, but young men don't go without sex just because they are in school. He's getting it somewhere if he's not getting it from you.

Burtongirl10 · Apr 26, 2009, 03:25 PM

Originally Posted by pathisfer

Sorry to be crude, but young men don't go without sex just because they are in school. He's getting it somewhere if he's not getting it from you.

He's 29 for christs sake. I have to admit I am very offended but some of what is being said. Please read what I am saying properly.

ylaira · Apr 26, 2009, 03:27 PM

Give him a credit for not being booty call king even if he can. Taking things in slow always mean 2 things: "I am not that into you." or "I don't want to make another mistake but hopefully I'm on the right track." If you believe the later, then patiently wait. If things are the same for 2 years, it's rethinking time.

Burtongirl10 · Apr 26, 2009, 03:27 PM

He wants sex with me really really bad and we've come close, but he stops himself because he really cares about not ruining what we have. We have both agreed on that. He said he will wait for it. He said if we want to make anything out of this we shouls take it slow.
After all, sex complicates things... its better to wait.

Burtongirl10 · Apr 26, 2009, 03:29 PM

Originally Posted by ylaira

Give him a credit for not being booty call king even if he can. Taking things in slow always mean 2 things: "I am not that into you." or "I don't want to make another mistake but hopefully I'm on the right track." If you believe the later, then patiently wait. If things are the same for 2 years, it's rethinking time.

He told me he wants to take it slow because he has a lot on his plate right now and he told me we have time. This guy has told me he's very into me... said he wouldn't be hanging out with me if he didn't like me

mudweiser · Apr 26, 2009, 03:30 PM

I really don't know why you keep telling us that he's telling you that your beautiful, cute, etc. Why is this even important? Let alone a factor for a serious relationship.

If you didn't explain the situation "correctly" then that is your problem, not ours, it doesn't make us crazy we're just telling you how we see it from what has been told.

Bottom line this guy is 29- he KNOWS what he's priories are now, and your not one of them.

Right now he's focused on school, next it will be his job and his career. If you want to be waiting for him then go right ahead, I bet you'll be waiting for a long time-- and once he has time for you I can almost guarantee you he won't be worth the wait. He's held you on the side for a while now, and you keep coming back and letting him do what he wants, I don't doubt the fact that he may end up treating you this way when you do have a "relationship".

Wake up.

Sarah