[JOX]

Hey!
From about 2 years I've been in love with a very beautiful girl... but it has only been 1 year when I expressed my feelings to her. Sometimes she accepts me but other times she is quite hurtful... but even though she hurts me sometimes, I love her more than my life... BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SHOW HER MY LOVE ENTIRELY... Eevrytime I say I LOVE YOU She takes it as joke and says-I KNOW!! But sometimes when she's sad her love comes out...


Please tell me how I can keep her close and show her that I truly love her. How can I make her value me? I've tried everything gifts to kisses... now can you tell me something else?

Edited for spelling which was lousy

[talaniman]

Stop trying to convey your love, and just have fun, and learn to talk to her, so you can understand her feelings.

COMMUNICATE, about other things besides your love. That's what bonds people.

On a different note, use spell check, and drop the chat speak.

[none12345]

She knows you love her, perhaps she doesn't feel the same way but doesn't want to let you down at the same time, maybe that is the reason why she always takes it as a joke when you tell her you do. I also think that she is using you as someone to rely on so that's why whenever she is down she shows her love but when she isn't down, she doesn't. Just a thought.

[taoplr]

From what you say, you've overdone the "telling her, showing her, convincing her" part and she is responding by being cool or hurtful. You come back with a double dose of telling her and expect her to like it. Instead, she probably feels smothered by it. Back off, dude.

You want her to value you? Stop telling her that you love her, give her room, give her respect, be nice to her, be a gentle man (an uncommon trait, and very appealing to women), and make it possible for her to have a relationship with you... as people, as friends.

If you have a friendship that lasts a while, it can grow into love... both ways.

[lighty]

From what you say, you've overdone the "telling her, showing her, convincing her" part and she is responding by being cool or hurtful. You come back with a double dose of telling her and expect her to like it. Instead, she probably feels smothered by it. Back off, dude.

You want her to value you? Stop telling her that you love her, give her room, give her respect, be nice to her, be a gentle man (an uncommon trait, and very appealing to women), and make it possible for her to have a relationship with you...as people, as friends.

If you have a friendship that lasts a while, it can grow into love...both ways.

Sorry but I do not agree here. One can never overdo expression of true love. In this case however I have a different take. Keep on loving her without expecting verbal reciprocation. How do you know she does not love you? May be you do not know her at all. Maybe something is bothering her, something different. Try a new line. Ask her to give you all her sorrows. Don't ask for love. The day she tells you her sorrows, shares with you her thoughts, please be aware that she loves you. Best of luck.

[JOX]

Thank you lighty... Well I think we both are on the same track... yearning for love...
My thanks to none1234 & talaniman tooo for the great inspiration n best wishes!!
Teoplr-ur advice is simple, good, efficient but difficult to follow when you love a girl so desperately!
Well, thanks to all of you guys!

[I wish]

It's fine to show her your love, but a girl has to feel happy, secure, comfortable, etc. around you to feel the love.

So instead of worrying how to prove it to her... focus on making her laugh, having fun together, having enjoyable conversations, etc... the feelings will come when she feels it. You can't force it onto her.

[talaniman]

I think that your being so desperately in love is your problem. I think your assuming her feelings are as desperate as yours is a problem also. Its so easy to smother people by being to desperate when you could be enjoying getting to know each other. She is with you now, so why even be so desperate? Be confident, not desperate. But that's why you're here, you think she should feel as you do, and be as desperate as you are, and that's not the case.

[taoplr]

I am not making the assumption that this is true love. It appears to be something less mature than that, and more about Jox's need to feel valued than is healthy. Taking his words at face value, it seems like a relationship with one person engaged in some cathexis: the self-referenced concentration of emotional energy on another person (or thing).

He's feeling intense emotions, but because he hasn't described anything mutual between them, it doesn't sound like love. It sounds more like Jox is unsure of his own expression of love (how do you know when it is enough?) and unsure of himself.

Sometimes she accepts me but other times she is quite hurtful.

If I'm wrong, and this is true love, he should still back off on the verbal expression. He doesn't have to stop, just control himself. She's telling him as much. If they are now a couple, there are thousands of ways to express his adoration of her. You can't talk about the same thing all day.

Every time I say I LOVE YOU She takes it as joke and says-I KNOW!!

What do you think she is saying? Is she indicating that she wants more amorous declarations? She's telling him to ease up. Being around someone who is always repeating the same intense message can be suffocating.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SHOW HER MY LOVE ENTIRELY..

Jox, you believe that if you can only convince her that you love her, she will value you. What does "value" you mean? That she will love you in return? That she will stop "being hurtful sometimes?" That she will have more respect for you?

How can I make her value me?

You can't make her value you. You can grow her value of you by relaxing with her and letting the relationship flow. My original advice stands: Be a gentle man, a friend, someone around whom she can be safe and at ease. Show her your love by showing her respect. Learn what the right distance is and be there. Tell her less and listen to her more. If she comes first, before other considerations including your needs, that's love.

[none12345]

There is no such thing as desperate love for love is not desperate, it comes natural. I found it the hard way that if one is desperate in love with someone they usually need something from the other person.

[JOX]

Thanks for all the advices you guys gave me.. I'l definitely incorporate the possible ones in my life.
But there are still many problems. These are the ones in front of which I find myself helpless. If you please tell me how to overcome these,I'l be very grateful to you.

These problems arise when I see her... On her first glance, I find myself dragged away... I feel that anyhow she must have the same adoration in her eyes that I have for her in mine... I feel she could just come to me...
It is impossible for me to pass a day without talking to her... So what I want to ask now is that- what to do when I see her? How to control myself when her beautiful face drags me away?

[none12345]

Thanks for all the advices you guys gave me.. I'l definitely incorporate the possible ones in my life.
But there are still many problems. these are the ones in front of which I find myself helpless. If you please tell me how to overcome these,I'l be very grateful to you.

These problems arise when I see her... On her first glance, I find myself dragged away...I feel that anyhow she must have the same adoration in her eyes that I have for her in mine... I feel she could just come to me....
It is impossible for me to pass a day without talking to her... So what I want to ask now is that- what to do when I see her?? How to control myself when her beautiful face drags me away??

Do you have to see her? Like do you have the same classes, same friends, work at the same place? If not, don't see her at all. You won't die if you don't see her. Its not as big of a deal as you make it. At first I felt that way too, but you don't need her to survive. You take each day at a time and don't contact her. If you happen to by accident or deal with her because you guys have to like same classes, same friends, same workplace, just a simple hello would suffice and continue on your way.

[lighterrr]

This is very true indeed love can't be forced. Also your girlfriends personality plays a big role in her inability to say those magical words to you. The words that you are desperately wanting to hear. The girl may not be able to voice her feelings to you verbally, maybe she is scared or just not use to saying " i love you to anyone", did she grow up in a home where feelings were openly expressed? Or maybe she thinks if she does not say I love you, then you'll stop saying it to her! Or she may feel that its not so important to say those words altogether?

Did you ask her why she can't say it to you. When its all said and done, I think you just need to give her space. Cause it seems like you are obsessing enough for the both of you in this relationship.

[JOX]

It would have been easy for me to not to contact her or see her face if I had not been already doing it from a long time. Now she also knows that I call her evryday or try to meet her everyday. So may be she enjoys it too because sometimes she agrees to my proposal quite playfully. So can't it be that if I just stop calling her or trying to contact her, then she might get hurted evn though she doesn't openly say to me that she likes spending time with me?
Once on one of my friend's advice, I tried not to call her. I was successful in doing so for only 4 days... (in these 4 days, she didn't contact me because I had stopped talking after a bit of quarrel between us.) But then when on the 5th day I met her... she told me in a sad tone- where were you in the past 4 days? So, even though she shows me sometimes she loves me, I'm not able to understand anything.
So, how can I not talk to her?? Or What else can I do?
Plese tell me...

[none12345]

Dude... I don't know what more to say... we gave you all the advice you needed yet you keep on coming up with new things that don't make a difference.

If you feel like you should do something, then let her know that you like her more than a friend. Can you actually be her friend? Or do you want to be her lover? If you can be just friends and expect it to become lovers one day but don't count on it, than go ahead by all means be her friend.

It would have been easy for me to not to contact her or see her face if I had not been already doing it from a long time.

You are addicted to her... you need her in your life and without her, you can't survive. Addiction to a partner is a recipe for an unhealthy relationship.

Now she also knows that I call her evryday or try to meet her everyday. So may be she enjoys it too coz sometimes she agrees to my proposal quite playfully.

Sometimes? What does that mean? It means sometimes she refuses you? From all the signs she is giving you, she doesn't like you more than a friend, buddy. She enjoys it? You don't know... you are not her. You don't know what her motives or intentions are.

So can't it be that if I just stop calling her or trying to contact her, then she might get hurted evn though she doesn't openly say to me that she likes spending time with me?

Why are you thinking about her? It should be about you, if you feel pain to keep on contacting her and not more than a friendship, than take that pain away. Self - respect goes a long way. She will have to know not to take you for granted, and you want more than friendship. If she doesn't want that, she will have to deal with it.

Once on one of my friend's advice, I tried not to call her. I was successful in doing so for only 4 days...(in these 4 days, she didn't contact me coz I had stopped talking after a bit of quarrel between us.)

How about this time, you don't contact her at all and let her contact you.

But then when on the 5th day I met her... she told me in a sad tone- where were you in the past 4 days?

She misses you as a friend, you're someone she relies on all the time.

So, even though she shows me sometimes she loves me, I'm not able to understand anything.

Sometimes works out for you? I know it doesn't for me, it will have to be every time. We've all helped you understand the situation already but its not sinking into your head.

So, how can I not talk to her??? Or What else can I do??
Plese tell me...

Same way as how all of us did it. Get rid of your addiction, show her you are confident, take some time away from her, get your thoughts straight. If you decide you can be her friend without feeling any pain, do that and it might lead to something more. If it is painful to be just friends, than don't contact her at all and wait till she calls you and tell her you want to be more than friends or you can't be around her anymore.

- none12345

[Survivor07]

Hey, Noney, I agree with everything you've said.

I had to spread the rep, but it's amazing how far you've come!! Yay!

Having been there yourself, you are giving great advice : )

[talaniman]

So, how can I not talk to her??? Or What else can I do??
Please tell me...

You are so smitten with this female, your forgetting your own life, and activities that make you unique, and destroying the balance of your own life.

That has you not paying attention, and being objective, and turning you into a lovestruck puppy, who is starving for more, and more attention.

The worst thing is, you change from an interesting fun loving guy that attracted her, into a love obsessed freak, who will no longer be the one she started with. No wonder she blows off your proposals sometimes.

Get your act together, and be yourself, and learn to control your urges, and impulsive so you can pay attention to her, and enjoy getting to know each other.

[taoplr]

I'm not able to understand anything.

Jox, I've been trying to figure out what you need. Some more information about you and your surroundings will help. Please answer these questions:

Exactly what is your relationship with her? Are you classmates? Girlfriend and boyfriend? (Don't say what you want; say what she would say about this question) Lovers? (you mentioned kisses) What word would she use to describe your relationship?

If the answer is that you just know each other, have you ever been alone with her? If so, when, for how long, and what did you do? (in general)

How old are you?

Where are you located? (surrounding culture question)

What is your ethnic background? Hers? (personal culture question)

Have you ever felt this way about someone before? What happened in that situation?

Candid, precise, complete answers can make it possible for you to get the guidance you need.

[KERMC]

You don't want to be needy. No offence but there is other ways to let someone know that you love them without actually saying it over and over, actions speak much louder than words. As for her being hurtful, I hope you have a backbone and stand up for yourself because no woman wants a pushover.. I mean that in the nicest possible way :)