Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    lindey_calvaro's Avatar
    lindey_calvaro Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Apr 22, 2009, 10:44 PM
    God I am so needy
    All right. I know it- I am a needy girl.

    I know this and am trying hard to change it, but when I take a step in the right direction I feel like I'm about to explode. I know I'm needy in my relationship, and don't want this to hurt it. I almost sound crazy sometimes I think. If my boyfriend doesn't want to talk or seems upset, I have to fight back the tears because I think I probably did something wrong to make him not want to talk to me, even if I know this isn't the case.

    And every time I feel like I want more time with him and I don't get it, I've noticed I almost immediately see my dad's face (he left several years ago) and usually break down sobbing. I'm tired of this routine and want to know if anyone has had a similar problem or has advice on dealing with... I guess you'd call it stress
    NallaNeedsYou's Avatar
    NallaNeedsYou Posts: 162, Reputation: 9
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Apr 23, 2009, 05:45 AM

    Wow. You obviously have got past the stage of self persecution which is a great start! You know that you are needy and that it will end up hurting you. Now this might sound silly at the moment but to me I think you can't do it on your own. You need (yes need) the support of your boyfriend. If you really trust him and you can feel safe that he will stay with you then you can both work together to help the relationship.

    Have you recently been in another relationship that was ruined by the man? He pulled out or cheated. After something like a parent leaving can make you over reliant and sensitive. Like you don't want to let the man out of sight. If you have trust then you can build on that, work together and speak to him about it openly. Maybe if he can be a little more open to you about why he isn't talking or whatever then you can learn to trust him a little more.
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Apr 26, 2009, 01:02 AM
    Your comment about your father leaving sounds like you're scared of abandonment.

    For some reason now you've put all of that fear into your relationship. Your neediness is a way of trying to control your boyfriend, keep him close and make sure that he doesn't abandon you like your father.

    Sadly, it may well have the opposite effect. I guess the first thing to see is that the relationship does not just revolve around you and your needs - you've already recognized this.

    Stop focusing on your needs and focus on doing other things with friends and family. If your life is busy and happy then your boyfriend will just be one part of your life and you won't feel the pressure to be so needy.

    Your boyfriend cannot fill your life and calm your fears - only you can do that.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #4

    Apr 26, 2009, 01:37 AM
    Could it be too, in addition to what has been offered so far, a lack of self-confidence?

    When we need others to keep ourselves feeling safe and secure, we lack the skills we need to be confident to make decisions, set goals and expectations (of ourselves and others), and achieve success.

    Sometimes relying on others to provide that emotional safety net will leave you unfullfilled because they cannot give you that which you do not have yourself, and that is confidence and inner strength.

    When your boyfriend starts to seem like your father, maybe it is that bond of security and trust you seek that makes everything all right. That is okay and necessary when you are learning how to fly under your own steam, but as an adult, you don't need a father figure- you need an equal partner.

    I'm not sure what you are looking for can come from anybody else but yourself.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

I came across as being needy to my girlfriend. [ 6 Answers ]

This is really bothering me I'll try and make it as short as possible. I (26) met my Ex (23)last July and we saw each other for a couple months then started dating in Sept. Her and I really connected on every level. We could do everything together or hang out separately it didn't matter. ...

Constantly needy [ 22 Answers ]

We recently moved my Mother in law to a beautiful assisted living facility close to our home. She has everything she could possibly want there except for us. How do we explain to her that we are not going to have dinner with her every night? She arrived over the Holidays and I made sure that she...

Needy (How to Stop) [ 9 Answers ]

I have been dating a wonderful young lady (39) and myself (48) for 8 months. I have known her for 8 years and we have been working together for these 8 years. We started dating in June/July of last year and have gone from 0 to 80 back to 0 then 10,20,50 and now we are back to 0. She says that she...

Needy puppy [ 2 Answers ]

We have a 7month old cocker and he is a handful. I can get him to sit and laydown, but the thing that I'm having trouble with is that ( I beleve this is how you say it) he has dependince on me. He follows me to everyroom, when I put him the his cage and I leave the room he brakes and wines till I...

Being needy [ 6 Answers ]

Just looking for opiniions here.. What makes a person seem needy in a relationship? Is it the need for time, telephone calls, etc.. I know people have different takes, but I just wouild like to hear some of them... thanks!


View more questions Search