[logans_mom]

I completely agree!! I have had that in the back of my mind but the last thing to do is tell him this! You hit his behavior right on the head. It is totally my fault for not only giving up my job but having a child with him. I am at such a loss for what to do. I am trying to think leagally and morally. I have tried enough to fix things so it's a matter of playing his mind game for a little longer or going out and getting a job so I can move on. I am going to take a little of everyone's advice. I am going to look into a few job opportunities, go to the court house and talk to land lord tenant and family court, talk to some abuse groups, and do anything else I have to do to make the best decision possible. I am not thinking with a clear head so I need to really sit down and go through all my options. In the mean time the game must go on.

[logans_mom]

Oh, and Im sorry to hear you had to experience the same thing but I am happy to hear you moved on! I admire your strength. :)

[lighterrr]

If the landlord is willing to get you an apartment in the same compound, then why do just pack up all your stuff and leave. As a nurse you should no this is not a good/nurturing environment for your son to be living in. If he is physically abusive to you or any type of abuse, you should really leave for your sake and your sons. Don't think that because your son is so young he does not understand in fact children are quit intuitive and I really feel bad for your son and I think his needs and safety should come first.

I also went to nursing school and graduated with honors, so I know it's a difficult program. Do you have the option of moving back home or close to family and friends that can support you for the next 1.5 years until you graduate?

[twinkiedooter]

Oh, and Im sorry to hear you had to experience the same thing but I am happy to hear you moved on!! I admire your strength. :)

Oh getting rudely wakened at 2AM or 4AM and having to entertain him for hours because he could not sleep was wonderful fun. Having to clean the house with my son so it was spotless only to have it literally trashed less than 4 hours later with dirt from potted plants all over the rug, walls and ceiling was great fun, dressers thrown over, tvs thrown on the floor and wrecked, etc. Having to constantly placate him and literally walking on eggshells every day was enough to give me an ulcer. I could go on and on.

The next time he says he wants to go and live with his dad, please, please, please tell him that's a really good idea, glad you thought of it and hope to heaven he does leave.

Or just keep playing his game until you can see your way clear to leave him. It isn't going to be easy. Please remember to be strong. I did it. You can do it, too.

[logans_mom]

Thanks dooter... I will keep you updated... and keep u in mind for advice since I know u have been there too...
Lighterrr, my family is in Michigan. I can't go out there... I can't predict the future but knock on wood he does not act this way in front of our son. If he is in one of his moods and the baby is up he will leave or I will take the baby for a ride. I NEVER fight with him when my son is around. I would never put him in harms way. I don't think he would ever hurt him. He has never acted harshly to him. If he had I would have taken him a long time ago. That's not to say it is impossible (because nothing is) but I can't just take him and leave. Its kidnapping. Unfourtunatly he is his father and no court is going to take that away. I appreciate the concern though.

[logans_mom]

I keep forgetting to answer questions... the landlord will transfer this apartment but she can't put me in a new one. There are none available right now because they are under renovation and there is now a waiting list.

[JudyKayTee]

Taking the child when there is no custody order saying you can't is NOT kidnapping. I'm not saying the father won't race off to Family Court and attempt to drag you and the child back but it is not kidnapping.

There are many threads on this subject.

My personal advice - which I HATE to give on a legal board and I'm the first to jump on someone who does - is that you've got to stop beating yourself up. Maybe you've made bad decisions. Maybe you've made good decisions that have turned into bad decisions because of changed circumstances.

You're not a bad person. Don't beat yourself up over "fault." I always think we make decisions based on that time and place and then later look back and think, "What was I thinking?" Doesn't mean it was a mistake or there's any fault.

I think you have to clear your head, make a list if you have to, decide where you want to be in 6 months or a year. Then you'll know which way to go.

So many people on these threads won't take advice, come back all fingernails and frothing at the mouth - you are the exception and I respect and admire that. You obviously are and have thought things over and are getting a clear picture of how to proceed if that is your decision.

(And, yes, "Twinkie" wrote the book, so to speak, on these relationships, shares willing and openly and is to also be admired for her candor.)

[logans_mom]

Thanks Judy! I am open to to advice becuause what I am doing is obviously not working. I appreciate people taking the time out of their day to actually give me their advice! I will keep everyone posed. I have a big test tonight so I am going to go study and start with my list in the morning. I just want to do things in the most adult way possible, you know? Thanks again everyone for your time!! :)