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minimee · Apr 21, 2009, 10:56 PM

My partner and I have been together for 6 years, he has never really been openly affectionate right from the start, but I feel this has gotten worse,I love conversation and hugs. He gets annoyed when I ask questions about anything and when I am sitting with him at night he is on the computer and gets annoyed when I make comments to him about what I'm watching on TV. I know he loves me, that's not the issue. I feel he has had no experience growing up of affection or intimacy or sharing his day or other issues, I love him and want us to work. I am his longest relationship ever. Most girls didn't pass the 3 month trial. Can anyone suggest anything. I get quite lonely even if he is home

talaniman · Apr 21, 2009, 11:32 PM

I have to ask, so you work? How old are you? Are there no kids? Do you have your whole life wrapped up around him? Do you have hobbies, friends, or activities you enjoy?

minimee · Apr 22, 2009, 12:51 AM

Hi there I'm 40 have lots of friends, I have just recently been laid off work. I have a married daughter, whom lives in another state. I have hobbies that I enjoy, but also want to enjoy my partner, not try to figure him out but just enjoy.

kctiger · Apr 22, 2009, 05:45 AM

I am a lot like this. I am VERY protective of myself and my emotions at times (except for anger, I am a bit of a hot head). For some reason, it is hard for me to open up completely and be that affectionate guy. It sucks, and I feel bad for girls I date, but it is a problem I have to cope with. Some guys just see affection as weak or even silly, as they are afraid to just let loose and put their heart into things. It can be a matter of protection or just mere childhood experiences where hugs, kisses and other signs of intimacy weren't prevalent. It is also a major self confidence issue. It isn't his fault, it is hardwired into his character, and will take a lot of work to change him. I hope you two can work through this, and be patient with him. He does love you, as you stated, so it will be worth it when he can finally open up, and let it go...

I wish · Apr 22, 2009, 06:24 AM

How about you find common hobbies or activities to do together.

Guys in front of a computer can be entranced and you won't get much emotion out of him. Go out and do things together so that you can see his lighter side.

Try to confront him about it. But some men are just more serious in life and you're just going to have to accept his personality.

talaniman · Apr 22, 2009, 06:55 AM

I think you need to be more responsible for your own happiness, and then share it with him, as I can bet that the changes you have gone through within your own household, have you thinking things are worse, but you already admitted he was this way before.

Take more time for you, doing things that you enjoy. I believe he has fallen into a routine, that he likes from when you were mom, and working, and you both need the time to adjust, and get reacquainted with each other.

Let him do his thing and you have your own thing, but approach him with the idea of dating again.

It will take some time and coaxing to get him out of that comfort routine, but be patient, as you know how he feels about you. Do you plan to return to work?

Many empty nesters have this problem so your not alone. Its not at all unusual to feel as you do, when your previous routine changes.

minimee · Apr 22, 2009, 03:07 PM

Thank you for all your useful answers. He doesn't like to go out to the movies or for a meal, last time we went for a meal he kept looking at the table behind us all the time, it was very uncomfortable for me. I felt like nothing. He does have a sport he loves and does most weekends, and this is he says all he knows and wants to do. I used to go with him and still do occasionally, but I'm glad he enjoys hunting and I love him going, I do most of the daily jobs around the house and if we try to sort out doing something outside, he says he doesn't know how to go about doing it and everything he does start is left half done. I'm letting things slide so I do most the cleaning up inside and out. I'm really trying to see things from his side. Thank you once again. And yes I'm trying to get work,

itried · Apr 22, 2009, 03:37 PM

He sounds kind of like how I was with my ex. Just like kctiger, I am and always will be very protective of my emotions and such. It's just the way life has made me and so it probably is for him. Just because a guy doesn't shout out how much he loves you every day doesn't mean that he doesn't. I know that it would be nice if he said it to you once in a while and if he was a little more conversant with you, but if you know he loves you then you've actually got something to be proud of. You should just try and tell him how you feel. Tell him what you need. Don't just sit back and wait for it and then throw away 6 years. All you need to know about how he feels for you are in his actions. Words are essentially meaningless. Hope this helps

minimee · Apr 22, 2009, 03:51 PM

He tells me he loves me. But actions are more than words I think. I have told him how I feel and he says he doesn't know how to do things and he is the most kind person I've ever met, he gives away and lends things, hed give you the shirt of his back if he could, and is used by friends, because he can't say no. I think I want to feel special, I guess ill have to adapt and things will be as they are. I'm not going to throw away 6 years I'm not that type of person. I think what gets me is he gives to everyone , but is unsure how to give to me!