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PainiizLove · Apr 11, 2009, 03:34 PM

Hello Everybody,
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and I really liked him as a child.. we went to elementary school together so basically we know each other for a very long time. I don't know what's been going on for the past few months but its like he doesn't give me any attention at all.. his phone line is under my name and he hardly calls me and I'm a very overprotective girlfriend I'm always online looking to see who he calls and who he sends messages too... =[ [i know that's bad] because there is no trust..

well about a month ago I was searching and I found a phone call 2 am for about 2 hours so I gave the person a phone call and it turned out to be his ex girlfriend.. as soon as I said hi.. how do u know such and such she was like heyy is this... blah blahs girlfriend and I was like yes.. she was like oh I have heard so much about you and you don't need to worry we are just friends I moved on.. and I see he has too... I mean I don't mind but why the phone call at 2 am??

I know I'm very overprotective with him but I just ask for attention and respect and I feel like he doesn't do that he would stay all day without calling me and then he would call me like 2 or 3 in the morning and ihave school early in the morning.. or when he calls me he would tell ill call you back and he would call back like 7 or 8 hours later.. I really don't know what to do with this situation because I really love him and don't want to lose him but I really hate how the relationship is going and sinking.. it has been in the way of my school work and I'm clearly not focused on anything anymore.. I tried speaking to him a few times about it but its like I'm speaking to a wall...
any suggestions would help please =[... thanks

my boyfriend stopped giving me attention... is it true if I ignore him he will come around?

merged and edited 2 threads

Wondergirl · Apr 11, 2009, 03:40 PM

You are not "over-protective." Wrong word. The words are "lacking in trust."

Stop snooping.

danielnoahsmommy · Apr 11, 2009, 03:48 PM

Stop playing games and tell him what you want

Alty · Apr 11, 2009, 03:48 PM

Depends. Is he into girls that play games? If so, it may work, if not, it will backfire.

Honesty is always best, so is communication.

Why not tell him how you feel? I know, wild idea isn't it? ;)

Good luck.

nikosmom · Apr 11, 2009, 03:50 PM

Games are no good.

If he will not give you attention, why not get yourself a boyfriend that will?

teastalk · Apr 11, 2009, 04:04 PM

I agree with all of the posters above.

Step1: Tell him you don't feel like he's giving you enough attention. - Your feelings.
Step2: Ask him if there is any way to resolve this issue. - Tell him what you want and how you think the issue could be resolved.
Step3: Depending on his answer the issue should either be resolved or he's no longer your boyfriend.

This is because if he's unwilling to compromise with you, he's not worth it.

talaniman · Apr 11, 2009, 04:36 PM

Not only is the communications not good between you, you don't work well at solving your issues.

You sound needy, insecure, and unrealistic, and I think you could benefit with having more to do for yourself, than worrying what he is doing, and being stressed as to his whereabouts, or why he doesn't call when you want him too.

How old are you two? Is he in school, or working?

teastalk · Apr 11, 2009, 04:43 PM

It does sound like things are okay. The ex knew who you were and told you that she's moved on and it sounds like your boyfriend moved on from her as well.

Your boyfriend at least calls you when he arrives back home after being out at night. This should be a reassurance that he went back home after the party.

However, I do have to say that since you said that you've spoken to him on this matter... and it feels like you're speaking to a wall... there seems to be a problem. I would not like it if my boyfriend didn't try to address the issues that I bring up. If it feels like there's something wrong and things have been fine before, there really may be something wrong if it's not just because you have more free time than you did before.

oryanabella · Apr 11, 2009, 05:07 PM

I would say... Get a life! The more overprotective you are, the more he knows you care and the more is going to keep acting the way he is acting right now and not care at all! Because he knows, you are on him 24h/24h.
Tell him exactly this and make sure it is with a gentle voice: 'Baby I need your attention, if you, the one I love, don't give me the attention I need who else should I ask it from?' then add this, I guess I will go out with the girls and have some fun for a little while... then walk away and let the chemicals work! If he loves you... I'll come back because then he will be like "oh , i am losing this girl"
Or then if he doesn't, darling please get yourself a life... do not be too dependent on a guy! He does call, he doesn't call fine... do something... read a book, go out and have fun! Some people are like that, they need extra space in their lives. I am sorry but it is true! I don't mean being over independent... what I mean is be a lady... make yourself happy, get your manicure done or your hair or do some you enjoy doing!

Alty · Apr 11, 2009, 05:14 PM

Looks like the OP added more info to her post.

OP, it really helps if you give us all the info the first time around.

teastalk · Apr 11, 2009, 05:16 PM

Yes! If he is not treating you right, then things are just not going to turn out well.

If he does the bare minimum and see you once a week or call you, and then act dead on the phone or in person then this just isn't going to work.

PainiizLove · Apr 13, 2009, 11:52 AM

my boyfriend is so weird he doesn't pay me any attention at all! He doesn't call me.. and I'm the one paying his phone bill and his phone bill is under my name!. everytime I tell him that I'm about to move on.. thats when he starts giving me attention again.. I don't get it! Its been going on for 3 years and I've been a patient person because I love him a lot but I'm really getting fed up and tired.
what should I do.. I tried the whole ignoring him thing and it seems to kind of work.. but it kills me to see him calling.. and not pick up =[

teastalk · Apr 13, 2009, 12:06 PM

I'll be blunt because I feel like this is what I would've wanted to hear someone say and also because I feel like I needed to hear this when I was in my relationship:

Your boyfriend is not a good one. If he was, then you would feel comfortable and reassured in your relationship. Since you are not feeling "right" about this relationship, then I would have to say that he's not "the one." This is only if you are busy with your own things and he's been acting differently than before without reason.

Justwantfair · Apr 13, 2009, 12:13 PM

If you want to work out your relationship then you are accepting that your feelings aren't of high value to your partner.

Imagine two people are right on top of each other, once in a while you have to create some distance in the relationship so you can value coming together again.

You need to do things for you, find things to do on your own. Stop looking to him to make you happy. You need to make you happy first. There isn't a bigger turnoff to a man then a clingy girlfriend.

artlady · Apr 13, 2009, 12:31 PM

He sounds like a lousy boyfriend and I would cancel his phone account immediately.

You should never have to beg anyone for attention or love.It is demeaning and you deserve to be treated better.

Patience is one thing but you have allowed him to disrespect and use you for too long.

People will treat you the way you let them,don't let him treat you this way anymore! Honor yourself.

MiSSsy111222 · Apr 13, 2009, 12:42 PM

It sounds to me like he is using you to some extent. No one should have to ask a partner for love, it should just come nautrally.

You need to ask yourself if this is what you want in a relationship.

liz28 · Apr 13, 2009, 01:12 PM

I wonder if he is showing you attention after your complaints because he doesn' want his phone shut off. Things that make you go hmmm.

Exactly what kind of attention do you want? Have it always been this way? Maybe he might be comfortable with you and feels he doesn't have to do all the things he did in the beginning because a lot of guys make this mistake.

rxnarunner · Apr 13, 2009, 06:00 PM

Let him go. He's using you JMO... im not sure how old you are but you should think enough of yourself to find someone who WANTS to call you and hear your voice. Who wants to share his day and hear about yours.

The games get old, trust me!

Try telling him you are shutting off his phone and need it back. Don't do it in the heat of an argument, do it when things are great and see what he says. See if hell stick around

(my space bar and keys are missing aaahhhh kids, so my grammar and spelling stinks, my apologies)

tapwhite11 · Apr 13, 2009, 06:14 PM

Sounds like a problem a lot of people have. But if you have been dating him for 3 years, then he probably thinks you don't mind him not calling, so he is just going to continue what he is doing until you take some type of action. The action you take is up to you, but if he doesn't pay any attention then you should probably break up with him, and maybe he will make some changes for the best.