[starscollide]

I'm in a bit of a bind and I think its best to get a perspective from someone who is not involved in the situation. A night out with a close friend ended up being a night with my ex's closest friends who were at the local bar. As mature adults would do, we said hello, even exchanged pleasantries. I haven't seen my ex's very best friend in over 2 years, and he remembered me fondly. As we're sitting at the bar, he's asking how I've been, telling me about his own life, and we're catching up. He wanted to make sure I wasn't uncomfortable with my ex's friends there, even though my ex wasn't. I told him we hadn't talked in a long while and that I was fine with his friends, as we'd always gotten along. I'd said very casually, "I'm over it, he's over me, its all good!" in a good natured, water-under-the-bridge way and his best friend says outright, "he's not over anything."

He asks me to go outside and proceeds to tell me that my ex still talks about me to him and their friends more often than I would have thought, that he's very open to us hanging out and seeing what happens, and that I never left a bad note. All well and good, but then, he tells me he knows he shouldn't be telling me this, that my ex is his best friend since childhood, that he cannot know this conversation ever took place. Apparently, all the guys at the bar that were my ex's friends have known all along that he's not over me, and that his most recent relationship that ended opened his eyes to a lot because of how badly the girl treated him. I'm not allowed to know any of this, despite the fact that his friends do, and I'm not allowed to contact him to "network my way back in" as his friend said.

I've had a good long while to be on my own, date as I chose, and this just came out of left field. I was 110% sure that my ex was over me, that our long period of NC meant we were over for good, and then, shortly after my conversation with his best friend... my ex texted me. He kept it light, joked about how I was hanging out with his friends when he had to work, said I should hang out with him. I made sure to seem aloof, very casual, like talking to an old friend. Then, the next night he texted me again. I haven't texted him, I've been letting myself process all of this information, but its now been 2 weeks and we haven't talked. I've purposely stayed offline, and I never usually text him unless I have something interesting or relevant to say other than, "hey, whats up?"

Where do I go from here? Do I text him first or let him continue to pursue me? And why is it he can tell all of his friends how he feels about me, at 25 years old, but he can't express those words to me?

[talaniman]

Sounds like he, and his friends got together to help him get you back. Don't fall for that crap, as I read your other posts and think you've had enough of that okie doke.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=4161428

Move forward, not back!

[I wish]

This is really tough. I wouldn't be as harsh as talaniman.

But you have to ask yourself a few questions. When you guys broke up, was it left open to get back together? I highly doubt it. There are reasons for breaking up in the first place, thus talaninam's advice would apply. You have to move forward, not back.

But if there is a part of you that wants answers, then maybe you should see him. There's got to be a reason why he didn't confront your himself (for example, he doesn't want to get shot down by you, so he's choosing the indirect route). I'm sure that he already knows that his friends told you all that information. It definitely sounds like it was all planned out. Now he's waiting for you to make the next move.

Whether you still like him or not, I suggest you still confront him. If you don't think there's a chance, you should tell him. He needs to move on with his life as well.