[teastalk]

What are some red flags?

[teastalk]

Can you contribute any other suggested red flags to this thread?

-Meeting only at night
-Cannot compromise
-Asks you for things they know will make you uncomfortable
-Feels distant and cold
-Won't call you randomly during the day

[jjwoodhull]

Won't give home phone number
Doesn't introduce you to family or friends

[Wondergirl]

Are you writing a book?

[liz28]

I think Wondergirl makes a good because you keep asking questions that varies from situation to situation.

[JoeCanada76]

What are some red flags to you?

[mudweiser]

When you think "is this a red flag?", it's probably a red flag.

Here's something I found on the net that made sense to me:

Here are some 'Red Flags' to watch out for in a new partner

1) He makes decisions about where to go with little or no input from you.

2) He belittles your opinion when the two of you are alone and may call you names.

3) He makes disparaging remarks about you in front of others and may talk about you as if you were not there.

4) He may be rough during love-making and make you engage in acts you do not like.

5) He does not want to spend time with your friends or family and insists you socialize with his people.

6) He will not acknowledge your areas of expertise and may put down what you do in the workplace - ignore any of your accomplishments.

7) He may openly flirt with other women and then accuse you of being jealous when you object.

8) He gets angry and loses his temper over trivialities. Stays angry for a long time and attempts to blame all arguments on you.

9) May hit walls when angry.

10) One of the main factors is that he comes on very strong in the beginning of your relationship - sweeps you off your feet - and wants an exclusive relationship too quickly. Many women feel flattered at the intensity of the man's seeming need for an immediate connection and consequently overlook the inappropriateness of it.

*This should not be confused with 'love at first sight' where one or both parties feel an instant connection - without any of the aforementioned behaviors.*

There are many other factors that could be listed - but if the man in your life begins displaying the above qualities - realize it will not get better, only worse. He will likely be unwilling to discuss his emotions openly and feel that women are the inferior sex.

If this describes your man, run - do not walk - out of his life. The next step will likely be physical abuse

Here is another site with more little red flags:

Relationship Red Flags

Just remember some red flags may have a logical explanation behind them. For example, he doesn't want you to come to his house. Maybe he has rodent problems? Perhaps he's embarrassed with his living situation [living with parents, living in a really small apartment, or simply the location].

Sarah

[teastalk]

I already posted some of the things that I thought were red flags. I ask this question because I want to be prepared. Plan for the worst, hope for the best. I want to be able to identify if there is a problem beforehand. I won't be looking for a problem, but I also want to be able to see the situation as it is. From what it appears, the veterans on this board already knew that the following were red flags, although I did not.
-Says he won't fight for you if you find someone better.
-Says he is not good for you.
-Makes you do things you don't want to do.

[mudweiser]

If you come into a relationship with a check list you'll end up checking out.

Sarah

[JoeCanada76]

If you come into a relationship with a check list you'll end up checking out.

Sarah

This person says they are not looking for problems but that is all I see this person looking for.

Sarah could not rep you but I agree 100 percent. Going in with a check list, is just another way to determine and look for problems just to get out.

Joe

[ISneezeFunny]

The beauty of a relationship and growing up is to LEARN from them. Even a person thoroughly trained in the arts of a relationship will be shocked at something that happens.

So, my best suggestion to you is... go through life, and learn from your mistakes. It's half the fun.

However, to answer your question, these are some of the red flags I've had in my past:

- A girl who won't introduce you to her friends and family
- A girl who just got over a relationship
- A girl who can only talk to you when no one else is around
- A girl who only talks to you at a certain time or has to sneak around to see you
- A girl who washes your dishes, does your laundry, and makes you blueberry muffins the first time she spends the night.

[teastalk]

Okay. Well, even though I wanted to see some problems that others had in their relationships so that I could gain some insight, perhaps it will help to put my past relationships in perspective should I choose to do so at some later point.

[Romefalls19]

If you carry baggage from every relationship into your next, you will surly fall in that relationship. Not every red flag in one relationship is going to be a red flag in another. You have to realize the signs on your own before you can do anything else.

[teastalk]

How does one determine whether that person was carrying baggage into the next relationship?

[mudweiser]

How does one determine whether or not that person was carrying baggage into the next relationship?

They talk about their ex a lot. You have to please them or reassure them constantly. They input more negative in the relationship than postitive.

Sarah

[liz28]

If someone treated you bad in the past don't assume that he or she will do the same.

[redhed35]

You could ask the question,what are the deal breakers in a relationship for you?

Trusting your gut instincts in a situation,is a fairly good guide,if it does not feel right your probably right.

Its hard to let go of past hurts,but if you don't your just carrying all the baggage into the next relationship.

Give yourself a break,take a few months out from dating get some perspective,when you get some distance sometimes things become clearer.

[makapuu]

I agree with some red flags. I've had many long distance relationships with men that I've met at conferences, that were most likely married, but I didn't care because they paid for my expenses:
1. If you only go on dates when you are at a conference and share his room. (one king bed)
2. If he pays for all the meals when you dine, but you share his salad, soup, wine bottle, entrée and dessert. (so the receipt looks like he dined alone)
3. He'll travel to conferences in your city, but you are not encouraged to attend those in his hometown.