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rivermeetsanend · Apr 12, 2009, 03:57 PM

I just started dating this guy I met a month ago. He is 24 and I am 23. We get along great... we are always talking, laughing and just having an all around great time together. We spend a lot of one on one time together, but we have had sex only once. We've hung out a few times since we have had sex but he won't initiate anything more. But he still wants to hang out with me, cuddle, kiss, etc but no sex? This is just weird to me, because usually when I start having sex with someone I'm interested in, I want to do it again, and again, you catch my drift. I was thinking, maybe he has a low sex drive? Or maybe he is gay? :confused: I don't know... but usually this is the time when we should be all over each other. He did tell me that he doesn't like to "rush into sex with girls" because he doesn't want to hurt any feelings by not rushing into a relationship right afterwards. I told him that I'm not really interested in rushing into a relationship either, so he doesn't have to worry about that. I guess I just want some feedback about whether this sounds weird to any of you, or maybe I've been friend zoned? But why does he still want to hang out and cuddle? Its frustrating, because my sex drive is through the roof, and it sucks to find somebody so compatible in every other way except for this!

rivermeetsanend · Apr 12, 2009, 03:59 PM

Or maybe... I am the one with the problem? Lol.

mudweiser · Apr 12, 2009, 04:00 PM

Have you expressed your concerns with this guy? If not you should.

Sarah

liz28 · Apr 12, 2009, 04:07 PM

What is with the "is he gay" because he doesn't want to have sex. He already told you his reasons he doesn't want to continue having sex.

Now you can even accept it or move on. Or have the "sex again" to see if anyhing change. If that you have a decision to make--stay or leave. But know you might not find another guy like him.

mudweiser · Apr 12, 2009, 04:12 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

What is with the "is he gay" because he doesn't want to have sex. He already told you his reasons why he doesn't want to continue having sex.

Now you can even accept it or move on. Or have the "sex again" to see if anyhing change. If that you have a decision to make--stay or leave. But know you might not find another guy like him.

P.S. how could he be gay if he clearly had intercourse with her and is still affectionate?

Sarah

mudweiser · Apr 12, 2009, 04:13 PM

I have quite a personal question.

Since your sex drive is high, have you tried buying sex toys for yourself?

Self satisfaction is guaranteed ;)

Sarah

tooconfused02SZ · Apr 12, 2009, 04:51 PM

Maybe he just didn't like the way you guys had sex?
(no sexual connection)

I think you should talk to him and hope he'll be honest about it.

If you're so compatible I don't see why he wouldn't want to have sex with you?

rivermeetsanend · Apr 12, 2009, 06:51 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

What is with the "is he gay" because he doesn't want to have sex. He already told you his reasons why he doesn't want to continue having sex.

Now you can even accept it or move on. Or have the "sex again" to see if anyhing change. If that you have a decision to make--stay or leave. But know you might not find another guy like him.

No, no, no, he told me this prior to having sex. He never said he wanted to discontinue having sex with me. I like him a lot, I really don't want to stop seeing him, and I am just concerned about the lack of sex as a indicator of lack of interest on his part or something.

mudweiser · Apr 12, 2009, 06:53 PM

Originally Posted by rivermeetsanend

I am just concerned about the lack of sex as a indicator of lack of interest on his part or something.

Have you asked him, shared your concerns with him?

Perhaps he's actually one of those guys that want to get to know you before the sexual mumbo jumbo. Like I said best thing to do is ask him. How else are you going to have a relationship with someone if you don't talk.

Sarah

rivermeetsanend · Apr 12, 2009, 06:54 PM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

I have quite a personal question.

Since your sex drive is high, have you tried buying sex toys for yourself?

Self satisfaction is guaranteed ;)

Sarah

Oh yeah, they're great... the job gets done, lol, but I prefer being with somebody.

rivermeetsanend · Apr 12, 2009, 06:56 PM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

have you asked him, shared your concerns with him?

Sarah

Well I guess I will have to... I am just unsure how to approach the topic tactfully... I don't want to offend him in any way, and I guess I am also afraid to hear the truth, especially if it isn't going to be good news. (i.e. not that interested in me, etc.. )

mudweiser · Apr 12, 2009, 07:04 PM

Originally Posted by rivermeetsanend

Well I guess I will have to...

Duh;)

I am just unsure how to approach the topic tactfully

1. Don't ask him when your being affectionate [i.e. kissing, making out]; it'll only make him think that you just want to do him every time he kisses you.

2. Ask him face to face. Some conversations aren't supposed to be done through the telephone or on online messengers/ email. Eek or worse texting.

3. Ask him when you both are relaxed and say something amongst the lines of:

"Tom, I've been thinking about how we aren't sexually active after that one encounter? I know you said that you don't like to have sex with girls so quickly but is there another reason to it? I just feel as if _________________."

Here is a link that may help you:
Talking With Your Partner about Sex

Sarah

liz28 · Apr 12, 2009, 07:25 PM

I know this might sound a little harsh but if your afraid to talk to him about sex than maybe your shouldn't be having sex.

You shouldn't think negative since the two had this discussion before. He wants to take things slow instead of rushing things. Sex adds to a relationship and it shouldn't just be all about about.

You sound like a guy wondering why his girlfriend won't have sex with him, lol.

If anything else is going well then why even blow smoke. I understand you have needs (and the toys are a good idea) but you have to let things flow.

Anyway, if this issue is weighting on your mind this much than again talk about it.

mudweiser · Apr 12, 2009, 07:31 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

if this issue is weighting on your mind this much than again talk about it.

I agree!

Here's something I just thought of..

If he's gets upset and dumps you over this, then thank your luck stars that you got out now rather than 5 years later. A couple should be able to talk about anything with an open heart and mind.

Sarah

liz28 · Apr 12, 2009, 07:37 PM

Hopefully they would be able to talk things out Mudweiser.

Do you drink beer? If so do you like Bud?

nikosmom · Apr 12, 2009, 07:39 PM

Keep in mind that guys are able to control their feelings better than women when it comes to sex (due to hormonal differences). Based on what's he's told you, it just sounds like he's not trying to get too involved too soon.

Take his cue and as long as you don't feel reason to distrust him, go with the flow and see how things progress.

liz28 · Apr 12, 2009, 07:51 PM

mudweiser agrees: hey how'd you know?

My fiancé brother drinks Bud but I always been a Coors Light drinker(when I was able to drink). One more month and I'll be done breastfeeding. Yay!

mudweiser · Apr 12, 2009, 07:58 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

mudweiser agrees: hey how'd you know?

My fiance brother drinks Bud but I always been a Coors Light drinker(when I was able to drink). One more month and I'll be done breastfeeding. Yay!

Tsk tsk Liz, your getting out of topic. Hurry let's go back to it before the AMHD gods see.

Sarah