[lost??]

I was talking to a friend the other day. I wnet through a pretty rough break up a little while back, my first major break up with a girl I had been with for sometime. My ex did the whole "break" thing and it took a while to get over. My friends ex did pretty much the same thing to him and we were both hurting pretty bad for a while... but then we were talking about how we are now being over it and all.

... we were pretty much saying how we can't ever be hurt like that again. I didn't know how to describe it but he said it was kind of like a callous... you know a rough spot that no one can get under. That really made a lot of sense to me. Its not that we can't get hurt again, just not as bad or like that. I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same way.

[ilovcali]

I don't know about that. I've had three major relationships in my life. One girl cheated on me, the second, I simply moved away because I was done with school, the last, with my ex. The last one hurt the most. I was closest to her even though I dated my 2nd girlfriend longer.

I never had serious thoughts of marriage, and the whole shabang before my last ex. Perhaps it is because I'm slightly more mature, also combined with the fact that I was truly in love with my ex.

Also, my ex's caused me mental agony. Because she never actually cheated on me, she never actually arugued or said I needed to treat her better, she never really complained. But I didn't like some of the things she did, so she left.

I still am quite sure that her actions were not the normal things that people do in a committed relationship. I simply am dealing with the fact that even though she said she loved me, conscientiously or subconscienctiously, she did not. But she did everything with the air of not knowing she did anything wrong. Like she was a kid who didn't understand her own actions.

Anyway, this break-up has effected much more than any of the previous ones. It's taking much longer to deal with. The pain usually left me after two months. Not this time.

The intensity, timing in your life, and your true feelings for your partner will play a huge role on how you deal with a break-up.

[s_cianci]

It's more a matter of intellect than anything else. You've got to realize that not every, in fact most, relationships are not going to work out and are going to come to an end sooner or later. And how soon do you want to get married? Because that's the only logical alternative ; either breakup at some point or marriage. I gather from your post that you're pretty young and probably won't be ready for marriage for a good many years so why worry about it now? Be young and have fun, without worrying about anything serious. Many women will come and go in your life during your youth, before you settle down and marry someone.

[lost??]

Yea I'm still pretty young... ill be done college next spring. And no I'm no where even near the point of being ready for marriage. But you're right I defiently did take it as a learning experience. I meant that I guess you learn how to deal with a break up better after your first serious one. I'm not saying that I won't experiece that kind of pain again, ill just be better at coping with it

I also agree with the whole timing issue too. My ex did it at probably the worse time ever (family problems, burnt out from working 2 jobs and taking 6 classes). Timing is a major factor too

[Skell]

I think this is because you learn a little bit mor about yoursefl with each hardship in life and you learn how to cope and not let it be so painful next time! Not sure as I can't really speak from experience.
Touch wood but I have only ever felt the one loss. Oh but man did it hurt!

[talaniman]

I have felt the pain of breaking up more than a few times and it hurt every time. But over the years I have learned that life is full of pain as well as pleasure and I got over it with time a few good friends and plenty to do to keep me busy,so now I can look back and remember with no bitterness or hard feelings. I've been with my wife 32 years and appreciate her being in my life because of what I went through in the past. The lessons life teaches us are sometimes learned later after we have had a chance to look back and think about them with a calmer mind and healed from the pain.

[tirednhurt86]

I'm going through a really difficult breakup after 2 years with my boyfriend and a really unexpected and awful breakup. It was my first serious boyfriend and I loved him so much, maybe even too much. Anyhow, the pain is surreal. It is the worst pain I have ever experienced and 5 months after the breakup I still am struggling to move on. I just hope that this happened for a reason and that the next time I will change things to make the new relationship better and more successful. And if the new relationship in the future breaks up I do think it will be easier having gone through it this time.