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teastalk · Apr 5, 2009, 11:51 PM

You want to be friends with someone because they care about you and want what's best for you. They are there to support you and help you through rough times.

When your ex broke up with you (this question is for dumpees) your ex most likely treated you poorly and wasn't there for your emotional needs.

So why do so many people want to be friends with their exes?

This life is so weird. You are left with only two choices: to be friends or to be strangers. To heal you need to be strangers, but this means that you will lose all connection to the other person. I do feel upset that I will lose the friendship that I had with my ex (don't hate me please all who read this). I guess we have to be strangers...

Dare81 · Apr 6, 2009, 01:46 AM

For me( dumpee) it was

I still wanted to be a part of my ex's life, and I didn't want her to move on, I though as long as I am there she will not date anyone else.

You really cannot be friends with someone who you have feelings for.Would you be okay if your ex tells you she was going on a date?

MiSSsy111222 · Apr 6, 2009, 04:16 AM

At first I also tried to be friends with my Ex because I didn't want to let him go. He was treating me with disrespect and I reaslied that there was no friendship there. Once I started to accept the situation I realised that I had to cut him loose. Now we are strangers and I'm healing better.

Im still not sure if I ever want friendship from him, because I have changed so much and I'm creating a better life for myself, I would be scared of destroying it if he was back in my life.

liz28 · Apr 6, 2009, 04:32 AM

Me and one of my ex are friends because we both realize we were better off being friends than lovers. He is also the godfather to my son and I am his daughter godmother. He just got married and him, his wife, my fiancé, and I hangs out a lot and get along great.

It is okay to be friends with your ex as long as there is no hang ups and no feelings left over from the relationship you two ended.

ylaira · Apr 6, 2009, 05:04 AM

The truth is the other one doesn't want tot let go and still clinging into this tiny hope. For the dumper, it's just "break to me gently", "killing me softly" style. You can't be friends right after breaking up right away. It's sooo plastic. Maybe after some couple years of absolutely no contact and both of you moved on. Friends but not toooo close.

Romefalls19 · Apr 6, 2009, 05:11 AM

You want to be friends because you still want to have some type of hold or "in" to their life. Whether it be a friend or romantic partner. You consider being a friend simply because you feel as long as you are there you can work your way back into their life, not knowing you are hurting yourself worse. Being friends with an ex simply cannot work right after a break up, anyone who tells you that they can is lying to themselves.

talaniman · Apr 6, 2009, 05:20 AM

You want to be friends because you don't want to accept that its over, and are afraid they will forget you, or change their minds. All are but false hope. From fear and hurt.

Ren6 · Apr 6, 2009, 06:13 AM

My best friend in the whole world is my ex. It was a painful break up, but in the end, we both cared too much for each other to not remain friends. I have zero romantic feelings for her- we are truly friends. I rarely see this in the straight world, so I'm thinking it's a lesbian thing.

I wish · Apr 6, 2009, 07:22 AM

I think it's simpler than that. Why are you friends with the friends that you have? Because you have things in common. You enjoy spending time together. You trust each other to a certain extent.

So why does an ex have to be different if you broke up in good terms, (**as long as you don't have the intention of getting back together one day)?

liz28 · Apr 6, 2009, 07:51 AM

I just wanted to add that every relationship and breakup is different and there isn’t a one right way to navigate a post-breakup friendship, but in general, cutting off an ex, at least for the short-term, seems like a healthy way to process feelings and figure out who “you” are when you’re no longer part of a “we.”

It can be tempting to remain close to the person but jumping into a friendship with an ex just so you kept them near isn't a good idea.

There is obviously not a simple answer to this question, but I must say it varies couple,or ex couple,to couple and usually it depends on the breakup and the relationship you had with them. I didn't remain friends with every guy I broke up with because some times it is better to leave things alone and just be done with the situation.

If hearing about their latest hook-up/relationship would hurt, then you shouldn’t be friends.