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Torrid13 · Apr 4, 2009, 10:01 PM

I'm having a hard understanding why people that break up with you still flirt with you as if you're still dating each other. Especially if they broke up with because they felt like they only love you as a "friend."

AH!
FML.
=.=

Alty · Apr 4, 2009, 10:04 PM

Proabably sexual attraction. You don't have to be in love with someone to feel attracted to them.

Obviously the ex was attracted to you at some time, otherwise you two would never have dated. He may not love you, just wants friendship, but that doesn't mean he doesn't still find you attractive.

If you aren't comfortable with this, tell him. He can't have his cake and eat it too.

Good luck.

Torrid13 · Apr 4, 2009, 10:28 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Proabably sexual attraction. You don't have to be in love with someone to feel attracted to them.

Obviously the ex was attracted to you at some time, otherwise you two would never have dated. He may not love you, just wants friendship, but that doesn't mean he doesn't still find you attractive.

Thank you for your response, I appreciate it.

ARG. That's so jacked up. :(
Unfair. :/

But that's life, I guess.

Alty · Apr 4, 2009, 10:42 PM

It is life. Dating is complicated, so is love. ;)

It is what it is. Better to understand it, move on and find happiness, then to worry about something you can't change.

Good luck. :)

liz28 · Apr 4, 2009, 10:52 PM

It's best that you don't let your ex flirt with you. You shouldn't even be talking to him at this point.

Your break-up is fresh but don't allow him to interfere in your healing process.

JBeaucaire · Apr 4, 2009, 11:26 PM

All of us... ALL OF US... pull people's strings. You know it's true. The ex-bf has strings on you he can pull, so he does. It's not even really a mystery, everyone likes that little feeling of power we have to exercise here and there over someone else.

I don't mean to imply that this is a bad thing, either. It could be perfectly innocent. But that doesn't diminish its harmful aftereffects on you, does it?

Keep that in mind in the future when you find someone else's strings in your hands. Pull with care.

talaniman · Apr 5, 2009, 11:51 AM

You don't like him flirting, then tell him, or ignore it all together. He probably is trying for some reaction from you.

Torrid13 · Apr 5, 2009, 05:16 PM

Thanks guys for your insights. I'm really glad I found this site... it's a lot easier to go through things like this when you're not alone.

I'm really proud of myself though.
I told my ex today to stop calling me and contacting me for at LEAST 30 days. He asked me why, sounding really hurt, but I stayed strong.

He said that if that's what I needed, he'd gladly respect my wishes and be ready to talk to me when I'm ready.

I could tell it didn't make him happy, and honestly it hurts me as well, but I know I need this more than anything.

I just need the courage to keep it and not break my own wishes.

Now I just need to figure out how to start rebuilding. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

talaniman · Apr 5, 2009, 06:19 PM

Is this the ex we are talking about?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ng-337774.html

If so, its still fresh to you, so read the stickies in my signature.

Torrid13 · Apr 5, 2009, 06:28 PM

Yeah, it is.
If I was supposed to post the question on that thread, I'm sorry.

I'm new and not completely sure how to use the site correctly. :(

iloveyousomuchx · Apr 5, 2009, 06:31 PM

sexual attraction nothing else just dont flirt back they will soon get the message to back off.

Romefalls19 · Apr 6, 2009, 07:06 AM

Back off, tell him how you feel about it and let it end. I don't know why you are even still bothering with him

Torrid13 · Apr 6, 2009, 06:09 PM

I did let it end. I told him to stop contacting me and calling me all the time. I told him this yesterday.

He was sad and hurt, but he made the decision to break up with me, so he'll have to deal with the consequences.

Alty · Apr 6, 2009, 07:05 PM

Originally Posted by Torrid13

I did let it end. I told him to stop contacting me and calling me all the time. I told him this yesterday.

He was sad and hurt, but he made the decision to break up with me, so he'll have to deal with the consequences.

Way to go, now stick to it, don't be swayed.

It's hard to break up, but we've all been there and survived, you will too.

Stick to NC, join some of the threads on here where others are going through the same thing. It really helps to be able to talk to other people who are experiencing the same thing that you are.

Be strong, this will pass, before you know it you'll find someone new. :)

bananaBean · Apr 6, 2009, 08:05 PM

Flirting is fun and it can also help in a situation where they are having issues dealing with their confidence. Maybe because you had a connection at one time and you were close they feel safe to flirt with you. Sometimes its easier to flirt with someone you know will accept you rather than taking a chance with someone whom might reject them. Also just because there is a break-up involved doesn't mean that you can't still be friends. My suggestion is that maybe you talk to them about it if it makes you uncomfortable if not then you can wait and find out that its just a little faze and they will get out of it. Make sure you stand your ground and let yourself get in a position where your feelings will be hurt. You have to know where you stand with them and they have to know where they stand as well.:)

Torrid13 · Apr 6, 2009, 09:07 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Way to go, now stick to it, don't be swayed.

It's hard to break up, but we've all been there and survived, you will too.

Stick to NC, join some of the threads on here where others are going through the same thing. It really helps to be able to talk to other people who are experiencing the same thing that you are.

Be strong, this will pass, before you know it you'll find someone new. :)

I'm glad I had the courage to just say "No," but... wow, it hurts. Really bad. As much as I know that I shouldn't feel bad that he's upset, because it's own fault... I don't want him to be sad. I don't feel vengeful like, "HAHA! I'm suffering so therefore you must as well!"... although it seems fair. But still. :/

I will stay strong, and I have no doubts that after a little bit he will be like, "Wow, this NC thing sucks." I wouldn't answer. But I want him to realize what it's like without me.

Not sure if I want him to change his mind or not.
But I can't deny it. I miss him like flowers miss the sun.