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PirandelloLuigi · Mar 27, 2009, 07:34 PM

Originally Posted by lennore

look .. i believe she's somehow arrogant. her self concept appears to be hight and he boosts her self esteem even more. . i believe what u say about her moving on is correct.. but she needs reassurance from our friend, she needs to feel he's running after her simply to feel admired. have u ever used the term broken glass? metaphorically? okay.. when u break up once , u lose it at some point and the ''vase'' is not that beautiful ever again and neither the relationship is. u may feel this girl is the one that stole ur heart but she also ''betrayed ur feelings so she can do this again'' she show u how psychological pain feels like .. just .. let her go. no replies.. nothing more and if u find the srength ..even if she finally e mails you... tell her to go f.. herself . act like u found something better, and work on it . u deserve more than this . hope i helped.

I won't run after her. Yeah she tortured my mind, psychologicaly drained is how I feel.
I promise to let go, I accept what happened and I am not fully responsible.

LoveStoned · Mar 27, 2009, 08:54 PM

Okay... wow this was a long thread of 8 pages but overall I think by going no contact you regain your sense of thought and self confidence. You perceive this as being the most wonderful relationship which you'll never be able to experience with someone else, yet you argued all the time???!!!! DENIAL

We all need people to sometimes drill sense into our heads. In my case I broke up with my ex. 2 weeks later I missed him... thought maybe we could find ways to work it out. He was more than hesitant... He got angry and vented his feelings out on me. I gave it my all including 5 months of on and off contact. Waste of time could have been healing... NC)And he continued to call only to give me the same round about confusion, so I ended all contacted in order to move on. I also think the if he wanted me back, he would do anything in his power to find me. Anyway...

If she were to ever change her mind of wanting you back she will find you. If she doesn't no your address because you moved, she'll Google you or something... get my drift. Nothing will stop her. But this isn't the case so for now just try to relax... forget about her being the greatest cause she obviously was not appreciative of you. Lay out under the sun and enjoy life. Listen to songs that help you heal>>>>Kelly clarkson- breakaway>>>>Anna Nalick- breathe>>>>These will bring you back to reality. But try to focus more on upbeat songs if you can.
!! MUSIC HELPS A lot!!

PirandelloLuigi · Mar 28, 2009, 09:04 AM

Yeah we agued frequently, she was controlling and wanted aalways her way. I like to be equal. Compromising, which she did very little or at all.

Lovestoned, you say if he wanted you back he would do anything in his power to find you. Maybe he thought since you are the one who ended it, that you would do the first steps to get him back?

Because that's the way I am feeling, I don't want to run after her.

liz28 · Mar 28, 2009, 09:17 AM

The feelings your feeling are normal especially after someone emotionally bankrupted you. It can leave you with contradicting feeling but know no matter what you will survive and that was my favorite break-up song by Arthea Franklin.

Take it day by day. Sometimes our mind can play tricks on us because we think of the good times instead of what lead to the end. So when this happens you have to immediately change your thoughts. It's like when your watching TV or listening to the radio. When you don't like what your watching or listening to are you just going watch or listen to it? No, you change channel. Well, at least, that's what I do.

PirandelloLuigi · Mar 28, 2009, 01:03 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

The feelings your feeling are normal especially after someone emotionally bankrupted you. It can leave you with contradicting feeling but know no matter what you will survive and that was my favorite break-up song by Arthea Franklin.

Take it day by day. Sometimes our mind can play tricks on us because we think of the good times instead of what lead to the end. So when this happens you have to immediately change your thoughts. It's like when your watching tv or listening to the radio. When you don't like what your watching or listening to are you just going watch or listen to it? No, you change channel. Well, at least, that's what I do.

I like this way of thinking. If you don't like the thoughts you are having, change channel, think about something else, or think about all the bad things the other person did to you.
Another way for me to forget is to talk about it with female friends. Last night I met some new people we went out and ended up talking all night of relationship stories. All the girls who heard my story asked me how I could stay in a bad relationship like that. It really helped to go out and have fun and not stay home and torture myself.

Now it is Saturday and got to find something to do tonight to avoid falling in that state of mind again. How do you know when you can start dating someone new and not go in a rebound relationship?

LoveStoned · Mar 28, 2009, 01:55 PM

Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

yeah we agued frequently, she was controlling and wanted aalways her way. I like to be equal. Compromising, which she did very little or at all.

Lovestoned, you say if he wanted you back he would do anything in his power to find you. Maybe he thought since you are the one who ended it, that you would do the first steps to get him back?

Because that's the way i am feeling, i don't want to run after her.

I did do everything in my power. I spoke, practically begged, told him I loved him and even went to talk to him several times( I drove 3 hours to and back from his house) and the best part... ready... the last night I slept over his house, I woke up to him talking on the phone with another girl he had met two weeks after we broke up. Now you tell me if I tried enough...

LoveStoned · Mar 28, 2009, 01:57 PM

If you already told her how you feel the ball is in her court now. But in the mean time DO NOT HOLD BACK FROM ANYTHING leave that thought on the back burner

liz28 · Mar 28, 2009, 02:11 PM

You don't start dating until your over your ex and right now your not even half way there.

It isn't fair to become involve with someone when your uncapable of giving your all.

I know some people that jump from relationship to relationship because their afraid of being alone but there is nothing wrong with being alone getting to know yourself. Before you go out looking for someone you have to know what you want and don't settle for less.

So when your over your ex you can start accepting resumes.

PirandelloLuigi · Mar 28, 2009, 08:27 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

You don't start dating until your over your ex and right now your not even half way there.

It isn't fair to become involve with someone when your uncapable of giving your all.

I know some people that jump from relationship to relationship because their afraid of being alone but there is nothing wrong with being alone getting to know yourself. Before you go out looking for someone you have to know what you want and don't settle for less.

So when your over your ex you can start accepting resumes.

True, I am not over her yet, but I feel it closer and closer. Almost 2 months now that it ended.
I am not ready to date that's for sure, but I can hang around or spend time with some female friends and it's totally OK. Maybe a few casual things won't hurt. Is going to take time to go back in the dating scene, I am not ready for that. Like you said, being alone and being happy is the most important thing right now.

I want to be happy in my next relationship, so I am starting to focus right now on that, and one day at a time I will focus on what I want and I will not settle for less than I deserve.

PirandelloLuigi · Mar 30, 2009, 04:13 PM

Originally Posted by LoveStoned

If you already told her how you feel the ball is in her court now. But in the mean time DO NOT HOLD BACK FROM ANYTHING leave that thought on the back burner

I decided I will continue moving on with my life, I will not hold back from meeting new people, I don't have to write her a final e-mail, it will just push her away even more. I don't have to tell her that I am moving on, I am just going to stick to no contact like I been always doing, thanks to this I am healing faster. I am going to leave it on the back burner and let it simmer nice and slow or like a young bottle of wine that needs to mature.

If I e-mail her one last time, I am giving away my power again. I have to resist. Whatever I say in that e-mail is not going to change anything. I am doing much better thanks to NC and the things I been reading here. It's been helping a lot, I want to thank everybody that is giving feedback. The stories you have shared with me and the advice are priceless. I have learned an important lesson and it will serve me for the rest of my life.

I feel I will be going through big changes in my life in the coming months and I am not afraid of the future. I am eliminating negative thoughts and having a positive outlook on life everyday that goes by. You can't make a non functioning relationship work, as much as you try, as much as you put effort, if you are alone doing it, in the end you will be left alone. In the end I was drained, no more hope that we could save things, as much as I tried, she just would not put the effort. It felt like I was alone and trying to save her from slipping away...

No more trying, no more time wasting, enough is enough. I did enough, I did all I could.
Time to heal and forget.

friend4u178 · Mar 30, 2009, 04:36 PM

Good for you and glad we could all help :)

If you do feel like writing that email just to get it out of your system there is a thread on here where you can post it (link below)

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-154321.html

LoveStoned · Mar 30, 2009, 06:03 PM

Keep strong... we're here:) You have great will power which is key to healing. And if she calls, don't give in like I did once to many times before as you see where it gets you... No where good. I felt like he was letting me slip away too. But he didn't care. He has his rebound girl and that's all that matters to him. I can't believe he fell for the next girl which came to him. It sickens me when I think about it. Yuck:p

PirandelloLuigi · Mar 30, 2009, 07:11 PM

Originally Posted by LoveStoned

Keep strong....we're here:) You have great will power which is key to healing. And if she calls, don't give in like I did once to many times before as you see where it gets you...No where good. I felt like he was letting me slip away too. But he didn't care. He has his rebound girl and thats all that matters to him. I can't believe he fell for the next girl which came to him. It sickens me when I think about it. Yuck:p

I don't think she will call because she has a very big ego, and I told her to never contact me again unless she wanted to come back. So I highly doubt she will ever call me again. If she does try to contact me I will just tell her if it's not for reconciliation don't bother. She ain't getting any friendship from me. She knows when I say something I am serious about it and she won't even try to reach me. Don't think about the rebound girl. I don't even want to know if she has a rebound. None of my business anymore.

none12345 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:57 PM

Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

I don't think she will call because she has a very big ego, and i told her to never contact me again unless she wanted to come back. So i highly doubt she will ever call me again. If she does try to contact me i will just tell her if it's not for reconciliation don't bother. She ain't getting any friendship from me. She knows when i say something i am serious about it and she won't even try to reach me. Don't think about the rebound girl. I don't even want to know if she has a rebound. None of my business anymore.

Yup yup but the thing is that if she really decides that she loves you, no matter how big her ego is, she will call you and ask for reconciliation, but by that time you would have already completely healed and either you won't allow yourself to be hurt by her again since she did it once before she can't be trusted anymore or you have found someone else who appreciates you and not take you for granted and stick by you when things get bad.

As for the rebound, my ex has her rebound now and whenever I think of them together, either holding hands, kissing, sleeping together, it gets me sad though but at the same time I don't care anymore. I know I am not going to take her back anymore. She left me for that guy. I am not going to be his left overs if things don't work out between them. She does seem confident that it will though. Anyway we're single now and we can do whatever we want with other girls/guys that we like without worrying about anyone.

But it seems like we're all the type of people that won't want a rebound but a loving commitment filled relationship because most of us were left by someone us when we were willing to work on things. That tells us something doesn't it? We were too good for them in the first place and deserve to be treated better not just something that can be tossed away after years of commitment. Hang in there buddy. We're all here and we are all going to get through it together ^_^

PirandelloLuigi · Mar 30, 2009, 09:07 PM

Now I have big dilemma. This Friday I have an apointment at the dental clinic where she works as receptionist. I have no choice to go for my apointment and pay the last bill I owe the clinic. After that I will ask the dentist if she can see me at her other clinic.

Am I breaking the no contact rule by going there? Because I know she is going to say ''hello, how are you?'' again. And I don't want to say anything. I don't want her to think that we are friends by talking to her.

What should I do? What should I say?

friend4u178 · Mar 30, 2009, 09:09 PM

Send them a cheque in the mail

none12345 · Mar 30, 2009, 09:12 PM

Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

Now i have big dilemma. This friday i have an apointment at the dental clinic where she works as receptionist. I have no choice to go for my apointment and pay the last bill i owe the clinic. after that i will ask the dentist if she can see me at her other clinic.

Am i breaking the no contact rule by going there? Because i know she is going to say ''hello, how are you?'' again. And i don't want to say anything. I don't want her to think that we are friends by talking to her.

What should i do? what should i say?

YES YOU ARE BREAKING NO CONTACT!! >_< Don't DO IT MAN!! Find another way? Send a cheque or pay online through your bank or something. Keep NC dewd. Not till your completely ready and she is a stranger to you and you have no feelings attached anymore.

PirandelloLuigi · Mar 30, 2009, 09:32 PM

I have no choice, I have to be there. But if I block my feelings I will be OK. Like Tal said before: just be like another person, polite, and brief.

She will see me in a better state than I was 3 weeks ago when I was all weak and depressed. It's an opportunity for me to show her I am doing quite all right on my own and I have willpower and nobody stop me from living my life and achieving success.

She cannot get personal with me anyway there is other patients in the waiting room. So I don't feel it's breaking NC. It Also shows that she has no control on me and I can decide if I want to continue going there or not. But it's definitely the last time I will go there.

none12345 · Mar 30, 2009, 09:36 PM

Okies. If you feel like you're going to be okay. Just don't want it to bring back the pain and stuff let us know how it goes.

PirandelloLuigi · Mar 30, 2009, 09:53 PM

If I am strong and if my feelings are gone I think I will be OK. This is a test for me. I will know Friday if I have moved on. There is a good chance I have, you can see in the posts I have written recently, much different than the first ones.

I did my grieving and crying and I have accepted reality how it is.