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rena520 · Mar 29, 2009, 11:38 PM

My boyfriend doesn't like the way I dress. He said he wants me to be "pretty" & not "hot".:confused: The thing is, the way I dress is completely NOT HOT at all.
I wear jeans, a simple top classy top. The tops that I wear aren't showing LOTS of cleavage. He wants me to wear T-shirts & sneakers. I like to dress classy. I don't dress trashy & slutty. There's a lot of guys who likes me but the thing is I don't pay any attention to them what so ever. The reason why my boyfriend wants me to dress like that is because he doesn't want me to get attention from other guys. He also complains about the way I put on my eyeliner. I don't wear HEAVY makeup, I only wear mascara & eyeliner... plus my eyeliner isn't thick! Its so thin!

I'm just very frustrated :(

mamamccabe · Mar 29, 2009, 11:44 PM

Sounds like your boyfriend is insecure with himself, so he may feel the need to control what you do. I believe your choice would be whether you want to be free to be yourself, or become what some guy wants you to be.

ChihuahuaMomma · Mar 29, 2009, 11:46 PM

I dated a guy like that. But that's because I was out of their league. Blunt, but honest. You have to find someone that loves you for you. And someone that deserves to be with you. How long have you been with this guy?

rena520 · Mar 30, 2009, 12:22 AM

We've been together for 2 and a half years.
I am very insecure about myself... I don't even consider myself as pretty. There's lots of guys who consider me as pretty but I only want to be with boyfriend. I know my boyfriend is insecure about the way I dress & yet he wouldn't tell me the honest truth why he doesn't want me to dress like that... the response he gave me was "i dont want any guys to chase after you because its very annoying". My boyfriend is very selfish and yet I only told him to change his bad habits & attitude(I never tell him to change the way he dresses) I already dyed my hair black just for him and now he wants me to dress the way he wants me to dress... I feel like I have to listen to him every time he tells me to change something about myself and yet when I tell him to change something about him, he won't even do it...

rena520 · Mar 30, 2009, 12:24 AM

By the way I am chinese and I speak English & Mandarin and my Cantonese isn't that great... now he's telling me to speak Cantonese over English & Mandarin. The language I speak the most is English.

ChihuahuaMomma · Mar 30, 2009, 01:51 AM

Tell him to shove it, love you for you, or kick rocks.

There's NO ONE that should be trying to change you. If he truly loves you then he loves you for you, and that includes self expression. Tell him to suck it up and learn that you have your own sense of style.

artlady · Mar 30, 2009, 02:31 AM

Tell him you are your own person and you dress to please yourself.You dress to make yourself feel good and his put down is immature and out of line.

If he is so insecure that he is making this ridiculous demands you need to put your foot down.

There are certain things you give up in a relationship but the way you choose to dress is not one of them.

Controlling behavior such as this can escalate ,so be firm and do not allow him to think he has a say about your personal style.

Next he will be telling you how to walk and talk... its absurd!

Jake2008 · Mar 30, 2009, 02:59 AM

I absolutely agree with the posts made here. I want to scream 'DANGER! DANGER! '

That kind of controlling behaviour only gets worse. First it's something little, like the top you wear, then the makeup, then the language, then the behaviour, then he's checking your cell phone, following you, demanding to know what you've done with your time, who did you talk to, why, etc. etc. etc.

That kind of behaviour is not for your benefit, it is to satisfy his need to control, and own you, make you into the person he wants you to be. It eventually may lead to forcing control via physical violence to make you comply with his needs. Visit any women's shelter and ask how many of them started with a controlling boyfriend who managed their every move and thought.

You should give your head a shake here and recognize this as a very unhealthy relationship.

His problems may stem from his own insecurity, but that is HIS problem.

Get out while you can.

liz28 · Mar 30, 2009, 04:24 AM

Your doing too many things to please him. While he does nothing for you in return. Yo already tried talking to him and as you can see that didn't work nor would it work the next.

If your boyfriend told you to jump off the roof would you do it? Then why do everything else he demands.

This isn't love or more less a healthy relationship. He wants a child to boss around so maybe he should go out and make it.

Maybe you should do what is in your best interest and leaving him is. Soon his controlling habits is going turn into abuse that may includes it turning physical.

Relationship are suppose to be fun not full of demands. I mean he had no problems with the way you dress, hair color, and the way you spoke when he first meant you and even at the beginning of the relationship.

Your starting to see his true colors and there not all that bright.

liz28 · Mar 30, 2009, 04:31 AM

Originally Posted by rena520

...i feel like I have to listen to him everytime he tells me to change something about myself and yet when I tell him to change something about him, he wont even do it....

You don't have to listen to his every damand. You need to stand up for yourself and do what you want to do, not what he wants or tells you to do.

This relationship is totally one sided but a person can only do what you allow them to do. A person only treats you the way you allow them to treat you.

There are more guys out this so you don't have to stay with him. If you love yourself you wouldn't let someone treat you this way because you don't deserve this.

Romefalls19 · Mar 30, 2009, 05:14 AM

What else are you going to change for him? Because after you change the way you dress, it's only going to change once again. He will always find something you wish to change for him. Stop this cycle now, just look at Katie Holmes(she used to be attractive) now she's a lifeless drone! Damn you Tom Cruise!

Sorry, it's Monday

talaniman · Mar 30, 2009, 10:39 AM

I'm just very frustrated :(

Get rid of him, and you will be surprised at how much better you will feel about yourself.

Hasn't he bullied you long enough??

rena520 · Mar 30, 2009, 07:52 PM

So anyway, I had a talk with my boyfriend and I told him that I already dyed my hair black and what else do you want me to change? His response was: "well then dye your hair to any color you want....do you whatever you want then" I don't get what's wrong him... cause during these few days I've been leaving him alone to study for his final (which he requested) and he told me not to call him. So I didn't call him at all... until yesterday on the phone where he told me to dress how the way he wanted me to I felt like what the hell is wrong with you? My friends been telling me that he's immature & that he's tryiing to get my attention because I didn't call him these few days...

I just basically don't understand what the hell he's doing...

liz28 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:16 PM

What exactly do you see in this guy?

All I see is a guy that controls his girlfriend by telling her what to do and wear and how to speak. He is selfish, jealous, unable to compromise, a bully, controlling, and the list can go on on.

So please tell me what good do you see in this guy? And why are you still with him and questioning his controlling ways?

If you think this is love for one second your wrong. If you stay with this guy the only thing I see is physcial pain because his controlling ways will turn physical.