[Ceoli 1]

Dear Positive way,
My boy-friend broke up with me a couple of days ago. We have been together for almost 3 years, but having some issues on an off and he is finely fed up and decided that he did not want to work on it any more. Almost every time we get in to a fight he breaks up with me and not right away, he usually takes a day or two and then he breaks up the news to me. I respond by manipulating him by telling him how much I love him over and over again, apologizing and swearing that I will handle things different from now on, using some kind of manipulative leverage to force to change his mind. Some times I act depress and sick so that he will fell sorry for me. I give him reasons reassurance that I will change my behavior that I know what I am doing wrong and I will do whatever it takes to make work. This has work in the pass, but not this time. This time he was firm on his decision and no matter what I said made a difference. I suggested to just take some time apart first and he kind of agreed, I “say kind of agree” he did not sound very convince about it. He asked me to ho home and I did and have not come back like I normally do.
You see, I do believe that we love each other very much, when we are together and not arguing, we are the most loving couple there is, we have a lot of fun together. My problem is that I developed an insecurity issue because he is not interested in taking this relationship to a different level. He has promised me things over and over again, but he never came through with them. I broke up with him last year because he literally told me that will not get married again, but I took him back. Marriage very important to me but being with him meant more to me and decided that I was giving up on the idea of ever marring him. However, he was suppose to meet half way by at least giving me a commitment wring, but based on my last conversation with him, that is not happening either. You see all of these things created insecurity on my part and have been giving him a real hard time every time I don’t feel that he does not care about me.
I am hoping that my leaving him alone and not making any kind of contact with him that he will reverse his decision, but in the mean time I am going crazy with out him. He still has a lot of his cloth at my place and I have a lot my cloth at his place. In despite of the fact that we have different interests which is one the reasons he does not think we can make it, I think we belong together. I am afraid that his decision is final and he will come back to me just to tell me that he has not change his mind. What can I do? Please help.

[neverme]

Being a manipulator is something you should be ashamed of. You are dealing with someone's emotions, stop this.

This behaviour alone would make me run!

And now because of this the man probably feels as though he cannot trust what you say to him as there may be an alternative agenda.

Sorry but you can't make someone love you, waiting is all you can do. Try to keep yourself busy.

[none12345]

I agree with neverme. Sometimes its better to let go, I know it might be hard to accept at first but maybe its for the best. Soon you ll realize that you can do without the person and find yourself.

[talaniman]

Manipulation is selfish, and lying. He got tired of it. I don't blame him.

Its obvious you two are not that compatible, and at least one of you is not honest(you), especially given he has told you he will not give you what you think is important. (marriage) as no way can he trust you.

What you should do is make a clean break and leave him alone to figure why you have to lie to your partner and manipulate him.

Above all you need to be honest with yourself, and see how you poisoned this non relationship.

What you did is not love, or caring.

[Romefalls19]

I agree with Tal, what you did was selfish and wrong. Nothing in there tells me of love or caring on your part. It's no wonder why he got tired of it, anyone would. You need to work on your own issues before you can have a healthy stable relationship with another.