[stuck77]

My boyfriend and I have been together for awhile, and we have a beautiful son together, he wants to marry me, but Im afraid he needs time to grow up. Of coarse I haven't told him this, but we definitely haven't been on the same page lately. For the past few months he's been hanging out with his single male friends, playing video games, poker,and drinking, and not coming home at night. I don't think he's cheating on me, if I call, he answers, if I tell him to come home, he would. I just don't like having to be his mom, and tell him how I think he should act now that we have a child together and he wants to marry me. He goes to his friends on a weekly basis, and will just not call or come home because he had too much to drink. He is 30 years old and I just wonder is he's getting too old for these drunken sleepovers. I want him to be responsible by not drinking and driving, but I think he should be able to control his self by not drinking too much also. I just don't know if I'm over reacting and should get over it, or is he being irresponsible??

[neverme]

Well you have to tell him how you feel, communication is key.


It might be an idea to come to some arrangement about his sleepovers i.e. once a week, or whatever you feel is best he stays over...

[liz28]

If your haven't all these concerns now getting married won't wash it away. You need to express your feeling to him in a civil matter.

Say something like "I don't like when you ______ because it makes me feel like____".

The point is you have to be able to talk to him and not be afraid to express yourself to him.

[starbuck8]

I think you should get married right away! That is of course, if you want two children... one of which being 30 years old. He is a little old for weekly sleep overs isn't he? It is high time for the both of you to sit down and have some comunication, and come to an understanding. Going out once in awhile with his buddies is one thing. Going out, getting too drunk to drive home, and spending the night with "buddies", is an excuse! He is a father now! He needs to take responsibility and act like one, and set an example for your child.

I would not marry him if and until he decides to grow up and have some respect for you and his child. Staying out partying all night, and leaving you at home with your child is not someone I would even consider marrying, until you can come to an agreement. There is absolutely no reason that it is okay for him to be putting partying and having sleep overs, above his family. He's not 18 anymore, and he needs to grow up!

Also, I think there is a reason for your username isn't there? You don't have to marry him if you feel stuck. I'm sorry to say that the odds are not in your favour at all if you marry this man right now. Sadly, the failure rate is high in many marriages these days, and even higher when the two people are on the wrong pages with each other. It takes much more than love. I would really think seriously about this. He is putting himself before you and your child, even before the marriage.

[chuff]

You say he does these weekly sleepovers. Am I to assume that the rest of the week is committed to you? Honestly, I think he deserves one night to have some fun. He's not cheating, and he's not even out at the bars picking up girls. He's playing video games.

Is he supposed to be at home at all hours he isn't working? That's how your OP comes off to me. I guess I don't get it, he's available at a moment's notice when you call, he has one night he drinks while playing video games, he's loyal, he want's to be a family man with you and the child... why is he a bad guy?

[talaniman]

I think he is acting like a single guy should. Why shouldn't he? If you can talk, and listen to each other, you can voice your concerns, and work it out. If not, forget marriage, and be good parents, if not good partners.