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justagirlinAK · Mar 27, 2009, 04:41 PM

I have a problem. I went through my husband's Adult Friend Finder (sex site & meet people kind of thing) and found a disturbing message. He wrote this tranny "it was fun hanging out with you mama when you coming into town again". Very depressing to hear him use "mama" -- he calls me that:( Ive told him time and time again how much it hurts me when he talks to people on this site. Forawhile I just let the flirts go... I love him and I will stay with him. But now he's meeting people:mad: if I confront him he'll twist it up either get mad for invading his privacy or say that never happened. What can I do to make this relationship work? I will stay with him no matter what, divorce is not an option. Im so confused:confused: and so very sad:(

earl237 · Mar 27, 2009, 05:11 PM

Sorry to hear about your situation. I wanted to know why is divorce not an option for you? Loving your husband is understandable but if you are sure he is cheating, (it looks certain, judging by what you found), then staying with him no matter what is not fair to you. Marriage is supposed to be equal and if one partner is not faithful to the other, then it will not work out and you can't just ignore it.

justagirlinAK · Mar 27, 2009, 05:20 PM

Originally Posted by earl237

Sorry to hear about your situation. I wanted to know why is divorce not an option for you? Loving your husband is understandable but if you are sure he is cheating, (it looks certain, judging by what you found), then staying with him no matter what is not fair to you. Marriage is supposed to be equal and if one partner is not faithful to the other, then it will not work out and you can't just ignore it.

no divorce because
1. I don't believe in divorces
2.I want to be one of those people who are together for 50years - I believe too many people just give up.

3.I believe my relationship has what it takes to last forever..

4. were still young- we've only been married for 2 years

Jake2008 · Mar 27, 2009, 07:48 PM

Originally Posted by justagirlinAK

I have a problem. I went through my husband's Adult Friend Finder (sex site & meet people kinda thing) and found a disturbing message. He wrote this tranny "it was fun hanging out with you mama when you coming into town again". Very depressing to hear him use "mama" -- he calls me that:( Ive told him time and time again how much it hurts me when he talks to people on this site. Forawhile i just let the flirts go...I love him and I will stay with him. but now hes meeting people:mad: if i confront him he'll twist it up either get mad for invading his privacy or say that never happened. What can i do to make this relationship work? I will stay with him no matter what, divorce is not an option. Im so confused:confused: and so very sad:(

I admire you for wanting to overcome a major issue in your young marriage. I think you've got the right attitude to exhaust all options to resolve it.

If you have found that his internet surfing has gone from flirting to actually meeting people in person, he has taken this to the next level, and you know what will happen next time they meet up, if it hasn't already.

What I don't understand is, if he won't confess, work through the problems he's created, and attempt to turn his life around, what can you do to change him.

Maybe the first step is confronting him with what you know.

Rich11111 · Mar 28, 2009, 08:16 AM

He is almost defiantly cheating, you don't meet people through adult friend finder for nice friendly chats.
The fact that he would try to turn this around and on to you and that he has been visiting the site for a while despite your objections shows that he doesn't think this is wrong.
Whilst I suggest you do try to make things work and not just give up, I don't see him changing and if you stay with him I think he will continue and you will remain unhappy.

One of the reasons you say no to a divorce is that you simply don't believe in them. Whatever your reasons for that are, most religious groups accept adultery as grounds for a divorce.

liz28 · Mar 28, 2009, 09:45 AM

You know what? You can do your hardest to make this marriage work but the questio is "what is he doing to make it work?" In order for a relationship let alone a marriage to work it takes "two" not "one".

However, you already stated that your going stay in this marriage no matter what, so sadly to see your just going have to accept what he do and set aside your feelings. Is this what you want?

450donn · Mar 28, 2009, 01:23 PM

So instead of divorce you are running the risk of STD's like Aids? That is an acceptable alternative for you? If this jerk is seeing transvestites or anyone else, he has no regard for the marriage vows, cares nothing for you or your feelings, and is himself a homosexual. He just won't admit it yet. Time to pack your bags and get out!