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vballgirlie · Mar 25, 2009, 10:31 AM

All right I feel silly doing this but I can't get it out of my head.

Currently I am a senior in college about to graduate! (woohoo!) I have had a really good friend since my sophomore year of High school. Although we do not go to the same college she is not far away and we keep in touch and visit each other occasionally.

The last few times she came up to visit she's gotten close to some of my guy friends. The first one she dated for a good month or so. The next time she came to visit she ended up spending the night with my roommate (who yes is male and also a good friend of mine.) but that didn't end up going anywhere.

In the mean time... I had noticed that my ex had gone and visited her a few times on his way home. Whatever no big deal they had met through me originally when we were dating. But then when I mentioned to my girlfriend that I think he might have a crush on her she sounded surprised and denied that anything would come of that and that would just be awkward. I agreed and stated that he was definitely off limits. He and I had been seriously involved my freshman up to the beginning of my junior year of college. (the only guy I've really loved and yes she knows this) and them dating would be very disrespectful and against "girl code".

The third time she came to visit we all hung out (bc he and I are still friends) and she flirted with him (an unbelievable amount). I confronted her later telling her how it hurt me to see that. She apologized...

Later I get a message from her stating that she and him have started dating and to please not be angry and to be happy because she is finally happy...

She sends him messages on Facebook constantly on how much she loves him... public messages...

I feel slapped in the face...

I love her and feel I should get over it, but I cant. I never thought she would hurt me like this... why does it hurt so much?

What should I do?

CrazyThumper · Mar 25, 2009, 11:02 AM

What should you do? You should tell this so called 'friend', that she is not the friend that you thought she was. You even TOLD her how it hurt you and she 'appologized' but still continued to move forward. She is not a real friend, period. I have been in a similar situation before and even though me and my best friend were able to re-kindle our friendship, it was a mistake I would never make again. You do not date your friends ex's, especially if they had significant feelings for them at some point.

Kick this friend to the curb and keep on walking. She will get the hint AND she probably won't care unfortunately. She obviously doesn't respect your friendship.

Lifes lessons are never easy.

Thumper

starlite1 · Mar 25, 2009, 11:04 AM

Hi V,

Welcome to AMHD! I am sorry to hear of what your friend did. Honestly, I know you can't control the actions of your friend and your ex boyfriend, but I know this hurts. Being that you stated to your friend that by her flirting with your ex initially made you uncomfortable, and she acknowleged that, but continued to date him, doesn't say much for the friendship. If I were you, I would not hang out with her or your ex anymore. I would hang out with a new set of friends, this way you can move on from this. That was nice that you were able to be friends with your ex as well, but seeing him with your friend is not worth the pain you are feeling from either of them.

talaniman · Mar 25, 2009, 11:25 AM

Time to get new friends. It was only a matter of time until she got around to your ex, after going through your other male friends.

Romefalls19 · Mar 25, 2009, 11:29 AM

I agree with Tal, you now can see that she is nothing more than a snake in the grass. Get a new group of friends and right this one off as a backstabber

slow man · Mar 25, 2009, 05:10 PM

Well, she doesn't sound like a very good friend-more of an opportunist-These things do happen, but she seems to use you as a dating service. I would feel the same way as you do. If a good friend of mine started dating my ex he would be an x-friend. Unfortunately we can't control other people. I would delete both of them from your Facebook and move on.

liz28 · Mar 25, 2009, 05:43 PM

Why is she dating your ex after you expressed your issues regarding this? It is because she doesn't care about you and is only out for herself.

I doubt this relationship between the two of them would last but that isn't your problem.

I guess now you see her true colors and her character isn't all that great because she messed around with most of your male friends, gross.

Don't let this friendship interfere with any of your future friendships because everyone isn't like her.

Carlyanna · Oct 11, 2010, 11:25 AM

I went through the Same thing. My ex-boyfriend (who was my boyfriend of 2 years) started dating my best friend behind my back, and I found out on my birthday. I felt like I was "obsessed" with him, because I was still in love with him. But I did what I knew I had to do - I cut off all ties, and moved on with my life. I still think about them, don't get me wrong - they were HUGE parts of my life! But my "best friend" - obviously she could have cared less about me. Just today I was going through pictures on Facebook and came across one of him I forgot to delete, and I cried my eyes out. It's been 4 months since we broke up, so I know it's still okay to get upset. But I'm over him and her.. you can do the same, in time :)

ollyfeatherhead · Jun 14, 2012, 08:47 PM

I'm having the same problem with my ex and my "best friend". Sweetheart, if she really loved you like a best friend is supposed to, she would AT LEAST keep her love life with your ex private. She doesn't love you like a friend should. I know this is hard to do or listen to, but if she won't listen to you or cut it out, dump her. And find a different guy. Spend some time with him and eventually fall in love with him. That will get your mind off your ex.