[zannieme]

How long should you date a guy before you have a serious relationship talk with him? You know like how you feel about each other and where do you think we are headed. Something like that to find out if you are on the same page!

[kctiger]

I have never had "the talk." I tend to think the natural evolution of dating and continuing to see each other takes care of that. If you aren't into each other, it would become evident without words even being spoken. I look at "the actions" rather than trying to think about having "the talk."

[starlite1]

Hi Zannie,

Welcome to AMHD! I don't believe there is an actual time frame in which to begin expressing your feelings, but how long have you been dating your boyfriend, how are things between you currently? Do you feel that he is starting to have deeper feelings with you as well?

[zannieme]

We have been dating for almost 5 months. We spend a lot of time together! Like we are together except when we are at work. I think he thinks that I should just assume what he is feeling, but I NEED to hear it from him!

[kctiger]

Then you need to talk to him, and ask him. Don't assume he knows what you "need." Communication is the key here.

[zannieme]

Do you think I will scare him off?? I don't want him to think I am ready to get married

[kctiger]

You don't have to ask him anything regarding marriage. Just ask him how he feels about you. In my mind, actions speak louder than words, so I am not really understanding why you "need" to hear him tell you he likes you.

[starlite1]

I, being a woman myself, never knew how and when the best time is to approach this subject. From experience though, I just waited until the moment felt right, and I started the conversation with something like 'I'd like to ask you something, but I'm not sure how to go about it, because I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable in any way'. And then after he would say no problem or OK, I would let him know, very shyly (because that's is truly how I get) let him know that my feelings for him are getting stronger. And I would wait and see his reaction. Usually, it was a positive one.

[zannieme]

So you don't think I will run him off by asking? He must feel good about us because we spend a lot of time together! What do you think?

[starlite1]

Believe me, I always had that fear myself, you don't want to scare them or push them away. If you really want to know and also express your feelings, KC is right. Communication is the key, in any stage of a relationship.

[zannieme]

I really like/love him and I can see a future with him I just don't want to blow it! I do know it is his personality to be quiet, and it mine too! So if I really want to know I just need to get the courage up to ask?

[zannieme]

What actions should I look for to know if he REALLY LOVES ME?

[kctiger]

You are reading way too much into this, and simply overcomplicating it. Just enjoy, seriously. If you spend the entire time looking, you will never enjoy what you really have. How old are you?

[starlite1]

Yes sweetie. I know it is scary, but you will do fine. Just wait until the time is right. Believe me you will know.

[zannieme]

I am 40 and have been through a horrible, hurtful marriage! I guess I am just trying to say I not sure what TRUE LOVE looks like :(

[kctiger]

True love doesn't look like anything... you know it when you feel it, when you have the feeling like you are 15 all over again... true love, if there is such a thing, is just there. It gives you butterflies, and keeps you warm on a cold, lonely night...

[zannieme]

THANKS Starlite you have been so encouraging!!

[zannieme]

Well that how I feel when I am with him! But I want to know if he feels it too!

[starlite1]

My Pleasure, sweetie.

KC is correct though. True love makes you feel incredible; when you begin thinking of that special someone right as you wake up, before you go to sleep, and everywhere between.

[zannieme]

Kc did you respond to my last response about wanting to know if he feels it too? Because if you did I didn't get it